A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So yesterday I was talking with “A” a good male friend of mine from university,and I was talking about myself and that I had a boyfriend(“S” ) for some time now, this and that…., and “A” happens to know my boyfriend from university because they studied the same career( the thing is that “A” had no clue that “S” and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. It would not cross his mind in a million years, because he transfered to another univeristy so he lost contact with all his previous student friends.My boyfriend “S” lived with a male roommate named(“R” ) because it was cheaper, and “A” happened to be their door to door neighbor.“A” was not their friend, he just knew them from university and because they were neighbors.So I mentioned to “A” , ”I think you know who my boyfriend is” and he said not really, what is his name?” and I said “S” , remember the guy with very dark hair, and he replied, "I don’t remember him to be honest” and I said, "how could you not remember if I saw you two speak from time to time in our studying center” So I decided to mentioned him the roommmate “R” with whom my boyfriend “S” lived with, and he replied” ohhh yeah yeah, of course I know “R” ’ But I still can’t recall any “S” , I dont remember him. refresh my mind”.And then he said in a weird tone ”but uhm you know “R” he is a good person, but he is into a weird/crazy ambiance, and he also told me ”and sorry to tell you this,but If your boyfriend “S” lived with “R” I really don’t even want to imagine the type of low-life person that he is or the things that went on in there’If he said this, honestly it sounds like my boyfriend is in some weird thing as well. and that would explain all of his shadyness, everytime I went to the apartment that “R” and him shared as roommates,the apartment was always dark, and he Never wanted me to make any noise when walking inside or when leaving and also he always told me to wait outside the apartment, so he can check if everything was alright inside the apartment.This was everytime I went there… . and he even got mad and screamed at me when I confronted him about all this mystery with “R” and why I never saw him or why so much weirdness overall.Another good friend of mine had told some time ago that “R” smoked marijuana like crazy and had a weird aspect. I believe My friend “A” cause he was both “S”s and “R”s neighbor and he saw exactly the movement that went on in there.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 April 2017):
 You are making this situation a lot more complicated than it needs to be. So his housemate may or may not have smoked drugs, didn't mean that he did. Why not ask him and see what he has to say? Or if you don't trust him then end things? Trying to play Miss Marple might only end up getting you in to trouble. Don't try and guess his past.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (16 April 2017):
So what doubts did you have about S BEFORE you had this conversation with A? Have you met R before?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@RubyBirtle, I decided to confirm my doubts with ''A'' because he was their neighbor, like door to door, he knew what went on in there, even though ''A'' just told me: ''I dont know your ex because first I never went out a lot and was minding my own business and studying, and secondly I never saw you out or with anyone. How come ''A'' remembers ''R'' the roommate and does not remember my boyfriend that also lived with ''R'', its just weird, I mean they talked in front of my face, I saw them talked PLUS THEY WERE NEIGHBORS, even so that even if ''A'' left to another town to study'' my boyfriend asks me of him, How come my bf remembers him and ''A'' does not remember my Bf.The point is Ive had my doubts wayyyy before I started talking to ''A'' so since he was asking me about what was new with me and my life, I decided to tell him I had a boyfriend and started from there.''A'' said to me , but If your boyfriend “S” lived with “R” I really don’t even want to imagine the type of person that he is or the things that went on in there. He said this for a reason and its because he knows. But I feel he is hiding the fact that he knows my bf, Or I myself dont even know the past or my boyfriends Life!!
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (16 April 2017):
More importantly - do YOU think anything is going on? Or are you going to make a judgement on your boyfriend based solely on the opinion of a neighbour from years ago who barely remembers him? Why is A's opinion so important? How will past events change the relationship you have with S today?
What's YOUR opinion on the situation? Do you think S and R are dodgy people or do you only think so now because A has told you? And there's very little that you report in your post that outlines much dodgy behaviour except that A got a "weird vibe" from R.
My guess is that they were both heavy cannabis users (or at least R was) and that quite possibly R was also dealing or growing cannabis himself. That would explain the secrecy when entering and leaving the apartment as well as the type of "low-life" people that A might have seen entering and leaving the apartment.
Do S and R still live together and are you still observing this secretive behaviour? Because lots of people experiment with cannabis during their student years and then give it up once they graduate (although some don't)
Are you thinking of dumping your boyfriend over this? Is cannabis use past or present a deal-breaker for you?
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