| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend has a college major that requires him to work in groups for projects very frequently. Someone often in his group is his best female friend. I don't care that they work together in groups, but it always seems like she's trying to take it farther. For example:She invited him, along with a girl and another guy, to visit her sister in another state for a vacation. He asked me if it would be OK with me if he went, and I told him no, because it seemed like there were two sets of guys and girls, and it made me uncomfortable that they'd all be sleeping in the same room in the girl's sister's apartment. He told her what I said, and no one ended up going at all.Now he's studying abroad, and she and three others from his college are, too. At first, when we were talking online with a video chat program, she'd always come by his room to ask him questions about things like printing things out off her computer (even though she knows he didn't bring a printer). Sometimes they'd all be playing soccer in a big group, and he'd leave to talk to me, and fifteen minutes later, she'd be at his door, knowing the reason why he left in the first place. I told him this had to stop, and he talked to her, and it did.Since they're good friends, my boyfriend goes to this girl for advice or just to talk about problems he's having, including when he and I have arguments. Because of this, she knows my position on all of our disagreements. She always tells him that SHE'D never react that way, or that she'd never feel the way I feel in that situation. I told him it's because I think she's interested in being more than friends with him, but he shakes it off.When I flew over to Europe to visit, the only time I hung out with him when she was there, she made excuses to leave the cook-out we were having (she had to do laundry, she was tired, etc.).Finally, what it all came down to was I found out that her sister and her sister's fiance decided to visit her in Europe where she was studying abroad. The girl's sister decided to rent a car to drive around the southern part of the country. My boyfriend's female friend invited my boyfriend along, knowing full well the reasoning of why I was uncomfortable with her asking him to visit her sister for vacation, and knowing my sides of all the disagreements we've had since he left to study abroad. He said she was just being nice and offering him a chance to see new places in the country where they're studying and that she's just a really good friend.So, tell me: Do you think she's interested in being more than friends with him? What do you think is going on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: He did tell her no about the trip with her sister, without asking me if it was OK if he went. He knew I'd be uncomfortable with it.I've talked to him a couple of times about her, and he just keeps denying over and over that she has any interest in him beyond friendship/classmates. He also tells me that I'm just being insecure about this and that he doesn't have any interest in her, despite me telling him how uncomfortable I am with the way she acts around him.Also, today, while he and I were talking on the video chat program, she started to type to him a lot, and I told him he should tell her that he's talking to me and only has about an hour total with me today because of my work schedule. After he told her that (which he willingly did), she responded with "whatever." To me, it sounds like she was frustrated that he was giving me attention and not her at that point, but maybe I'm really biased because I'm afraid she's trying to get with my boyfriend.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 I think she's at least a little interested. No one goes to so much effort if they don't want something. I don't however think that her motivations or whether she wants him or not is what should concern you.
What I think you should be worried about here is your boyfriend's unwillingness to let go of this 'relationship' he has with her. While you cannot and should not dictate who he is friends with, there is a fine line between what's acceptable and what's not.
Have you really told him that this bothers you? Have you told him exactly how you feel and what you want?
He may not have any feelings for this girl but if he has feelings for you he'll understand where you're coming from.
He might treat her as just a friend but the fact that he's going to her for advice, and especially about your private problems, is just setting him up to do something in case you guys get in trouble or something. I'm not saying that he would cheat but why give him the opportunity.
So, what you need to do is tell him exactly how you feel and how much this bothers you. No need to make it out like you're jealous or insecure. If he has any sense of right and wrong, your feelings and needs will come over the friendship he has with her.
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