A
male
age
30-35,
*pongebob123
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 months, and we have plans for her to come on a trip with my family to the Dominican Republic in a month. We're both 17. We had already agreed that telling each other what was on our minds should be the first thing we do, and she promised me she would tell me everything. Today, I was on her cell phone, then she pulled it away and said "oh no, you really cannot see that." I gave it up, and she went to the bathroom later that night. So while she was there, I looked to see what it was and she sent her friend a message "Yes, but should I talk to him about it before the trip, or wait till after?" I didn't go farther up because I didn't want her to catch me reading, but I got very worried when I read this. Then she came back from the bathroom and I talked to her about it, I said "What's on the phone?" After a long pause, she said "I'm really worried about the trip, and for a few weeks, ever since my cousin pointed out (a certain fact about my personality, she told me what it is, no need to say it here) after she met you, I've been noticing it and that is not something I find attractive." I asked her why she didn't tell me before, she said she "didn't know how to bring it up" because she "cared about" my feelings. So we had our first real "fight," it wasn't a real fight, just an argument. I then told her that if she wanted to end the relationship, she could do it now and we could still enjoy our trip - I don't want to have anything bottled up. I told her that I only read that one message and did not scroll up any more, and that I wanted to see the rest, so I could be reassured. When I said this, she got all defensive saying "trust is the most important thing for a couple - I told you the entire truth and I'm insulted you don't trust me enough that you need reassurance from a text message." She refused to show it to me and eventually ended up saying:her: "do you want a break?"me: "do you?"her: "no"me: "I don't if you don't"her: "You need to be able to trust me, I'm not showing you my phone so give that up. If you can't trust me, then I do want to take a break."me: "no i trust you..."...We agreed that we didn't want a break, and I didn't see the phone. I tolt her i trusted her and asked her if we're good, she said "we're good, i just need to sleep on it." I really love her and want to be with her, but I'm worried she doesn't like me anymore and is hiding it because of the complications of the trip.Ok, so here are my questions.1. Do you think she's hiding something more, or do you think she told me the entire truth?2. Do you think she wants to break up with me, and is just waiting until after the trip so as not to screw up the plans?3. Do you think I am lacking trust for asking for this "reassurance" that seemed to offend her so much4. How should I act next time I see/call/text her? I don't want to let this fight drag us down any further.THANKS,:)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Sounds to me like she is iding something. Since she got so defensive and wouldnt let you read the rest of her texts then she definately is hiding something or didnt tell you the whole truth. If she had told you the whole truth she shouldn't have a problem with showing you the texts. It also sounds like the trip IS causing complications on whatever it is she really wants to tell you. And you asking the question on here is only concern not lack of trust. You are worried about your relationship thats all. Next time you see her act normal. Do trust her because if she has never lied to her before you don't have a reason not to trust her. So act normal because if there really is something else it will eventually come out. At least you know that the one thing that she (did or didnt) tell you was something that she was planning on telling you eventually.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Well, you don't trust her, and with good reason, she won't let you see something on her phone and is hiding it behind "trust".
This is a power play in the relationship.
My advice, take a break, and enjoy your trip without her.
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