A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I think I'm bi.. actually pretty sure just I always tried to ignore that side of me up till now. I've had emotional attachments to close friends before, but never a more physical interest in a girl who is currently my closest friend right now. But I'm extremely confused if she's interested back or not, and do not have the guts to say anything too blatant and ruin a really good friendship. I'm not young.. late 20's, and I've seen great friends come and go, and not about to lose this one up if I can help it. I've known my friend for almost a yr now.. we initially met thru my other friend, a guy, who briefly dated her. The first time we met .. afterwards, our mutual guy friend told me she said I'm one of the hottest friends of his that she's met. But you know how girls are, we say things like that regardless.. and check out other girls and comment. I was not at all interested then, but surprised she said that and when I told my other close friend, she jokingly said hey maybe she's bi and interested in u. I shrugged it off. We hung out a bit more over the course of year.. getting closer but not really close. It wasn't until over the holidays that I started finding myself attracted to her and unable to think of her. Actually after.We both went on a trip over the holidays .. not together but we happened to go to the same place so we'd meet up every nite to go party and hang out w/my other friends. Actually there was a guy there that I was really into (very rare for me since I've been single for ages and don't fall for anyone easily)... but with the distance and such.. and him dating another girl in that country.. it obviously wasn't gonna work out. So ever since that trip we've been hanging out a lot, even back home. I'm confused. Actually we call each other hunny but jokingly.. and its not because we initiated it, but cuz the mutual guy friend who introduced us used to be really silly and flirty, and he called her his hunny #1, and me his hunny #2 though we were just friends.. so then we all started calling each other hunny. But now the girl and I just are so used to it, especially chatting online or something or when not many other ppl are around to misconstrue. I know shes also the type who always wants to have something to do at night so perhaps because I live closeby, thats why we always hang out. Maybe if other friends lived really close, it'd be other friends she'd be hanging out with all the time.But yea, she often comes over late at night just to hang out. Nothing happens. Sometimes I feel like we're kinda flirty online, but it's so hard to tell if its just being silly or really flirty. One time though when hanging out, she did talk about how back when she was younger and studying in a different country, her teacher was bi and they went thru a whole reading section devoted to gay/bi literature. And she went to an all girls school and thought maybe she might be bi too. But it sounded like she was saying..back then? Or...she THOUGHT but..not. I couldn't tell! And I'm confused if I'd wanna pursue anything even if she is bi... and mess w/our friendship...and we have so many mutual friends and such.. it would be complicated. Also, I'm not ready to let people know that I'm probably bi yet either..But I can't stop thinking of her everyday.. and it's so strange... I guess we can keep hanging out and see from there. Maybe I can drop some hints or mention some topics to see her reactions, I dunno. There's a lot more I keep wracking my head about.. trying to read into little details of what she says, why she comes over even when its really late already, etc...but this is getting way too long already. I know if there are any responses to this, a lot will be the usual cliche.. u should just ask, or this, or that. But perhaps I just needed to write this down somewhere..... I don't know. I'm just confused and missing her already even though I just saw her last night. And I'm afraid to act too sticky and push her away, but I miss her everyday even after I saw her the night before. On the one hand it's an amazing feeling, because I don't or never feel like this about someone... really random that just suddenly I feel this way about her. But on the other hand, it's too engulfing and distracting.. and mind boggling. So, does anyone think she is bi off the little bit of info I gave?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I don't know if anyone is reading this, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about this since this is all new to me and I'm not "out". We've been hanging out and flirting online as usual, but last night we hung out in the wee hours of the night again ... drinking and all.. and being flirty and touchy in person and I ended up kissing her. I can barely focus on work today and since she was still asleep when I got up and went to work, I have no idea how much of last night she remembers and whether things will go back to platonic-like but with uncertainty again, or we're moving fwd, or it was just debauchery. Gosh life is confusing. My memory is pretty splotchy too, I remember little things, like cuddling and her sitting on my lap on the couch (so it wasn't just me making the advances). Bits and pieces of conversations about how weird it was that just before the beginning of this yr we saw each other differently...didn't think we'd be this close. At some point she was hugging me in bed and I just can't help but blurt out that I love her at times.. and she did say she loves me too. But you know how girls are with friends.. they are very comfortable saying they love each other and it might not mean it THAT way. Guess I'll have to see the rest of this wknd how she acts and all. This is all so great, yet all so confusing, and could end so painfully. What a trip. I hope she remembers enough of last night. Would suck if she doesn't..... sometimes I feel we take 1 step forward, 2 steps back.. 3 steps forward.. 4 steps back. I've been on a roller coaster ride everyday.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOriginal poster here again. Still pretty confused, though it's probably just her personality. We haven't been hanging every nite like before since she's busy with school stuff like studying and such some nights (or more like.. procrastinating all night online).. but the joking flirtation has continued. And we hung out practically all wknd last week since she stayed over at my place all night. We end up sleeping in the same bed, though nothing happens, though I wish I could cuddle up to her. I have a big place so there's a guest room with a 2nd bed.. and several couches that ppl tend to like to pass out on.. yet she goes to my bed with me. Or we pass out on the couch together.. when I moved to the bed one night since my back was hurting from weird position on the couch, she immediately came w/me... coulda stretched out comfily on the couch instead. I regularly fall sleep on my couch if no one's crashing on it, it's a great couch.At times we do talk about guys though. But tonight she decided to take an early shift for work so she can get out and go eat at a nice restaurant with me. I didn't ask her, she decided herself and jokes that she has a hot date and such. But other times she says things that make it seemingly platonic. I already knew we'd probably end up hanging out after she got off work tonight, but the dinner thing came as a surprise... Guess I'll see how it goes. So hard to tell if it's somewhat a date or just totally platonic girls v-day night to go eat somewhere.. though we do have another friend who's not doing anything tonight, and usually for girls v-day night in the past, I've had several girl friends hanging out together.. but she planned it so it's just us despite the other friend saying she has nothing to do and stuff. So.. I don't know? She's so confusing.
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A
female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (26 January 2008):
 Its hard to say if she's bi or not. There is a large step between emotional attraction and physical attraction. I guess the first step would be to figure out what you want. I went through something similar, I felt more for a female friend of mine then i did for anyone prior to her. she gave mixed signals to be sure, but in the end i knew that it was just her personality. besides she eventually met the man of her dreams. You have a good head of your shoulders and to some extent i think you just need to let things happens. You could always try and breach the topic of bi with her, see what she thinks. Off of what you said i can't say weather or not she is, thing about labels is they tend to generalizes.
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