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Do you think our friendship is over?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 25 August 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

This is an issue I've had before but it has never frustrated me this much. so...i was seeing this guy for a couple months and the thing just kind of died out when he moved back home. however after he left i started hanging out with one of his friends who was still here. we got along really well and after a couple days were practically inseperable because it turns out we are pretty much the same person and just clicked. Now, we both found each other highly attractive, liked to party, and were curious. so we wound up sleeping together a couple of times. however, it didnt mean anything to either of us, we remained friends and the sex didnt change anything. Soon after he went home for a visit where he met a girl. He really liked her and I more then encouraged him to go for it. We talked every day, he kept me posted on the whole thing, i gave him what advice i could. and we still talked about just everything because hes someone i can do that with. A couple times he had mentioned things that would inidcate that he might like me more then i thought, but getting to know him more and more every day i realized he was just a caring friend who thought highly of me. Now here where the questioning comes in. The other day he texted me asking what kind of date he should take this girl on before he left cause he wanted to make it special. so i gave him my suggestions and told him i was really glad things were going so well with him and her because he seemed really happy. and i know he is. but i guess this girl knew that he talked to him all the time and eventually asked if he had slept with me. He told her he had because he wanted to be honest. (but note when we slept together they didnt even know each other). I told him i was worried that her knowing that would cause problems between me and him, but he said she was cool with it. Then the very next day i get a text from him asking me not to send him anymore "smiley faces" in my texts because his girl didn't like it. Even though the last time i sent one it was to tell him how happy i was for him. I asked him if i could message her or something to explain to her how things were and that i was not anything to worry about but he said he didnt want me to and thought it was best if we didnt talk until he came back here. He said he didnt want to stop being friends with me but that he wanted to make her happy. I told him i understood and that id be here when he'd figured everything out. I didnt want to give him more to worry about or make him choose between us (because he'd almost def choose her) but i am a little put off by the fact that he is so quick to practically drop me because of some girl he just met who i helped him be with. He was a really good friend up until now and i don't want to lose him right when i just got him but im afraid that now he won't talk to me again because he's not "allowed" to. I have refrained from talking to him since hes asked me to but i cant help wondering whats going to happen. So what do you guys think? am i wrong to expect any loyalty even though we havent been friends that long? Is there any way i can make his girl feel comfortable about this? I would never sleep with him if he had a girlfriend or whatever she is, i just want to be able to hang out with him. is there any way i can do this?

Do you think our friendship is over?

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (25 August 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntYay for you. All the best!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

if anyone cares the dumb girlfriend is gone. we had both been denying the feelings we had for each other. it turns out she did have something to worry about cause he was only dating her to stop liking me. so now we are talking and its awesome :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No you're right. He contacted me today telling me how things were going with her. I asked him if it was cool we talked now and he said he had to "ask" her. I told him not to bother. If she's what makes him happy then I'm glad. It sucks, but he won't be the first fuy friend I've lost over something like this. If he comes around he comes around if not then its not like I don't hav other friends

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (15 July 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntI guess a lot of girls would be worried about their new BF's female close friend whom he has slept with in the past. I know I would feel a little worried about it if it were me. If you could it would be good to talk to the girl without him there and reassure her that you pose no threat but if that can't happen I think it's a situation that only time will fix. Back off from him a bit and see what happens if he stops contacting you then he's not a fantastic friend anyway. Sorry I know that's not what you want to hear but I truly think that's the best solution.

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