A
male
age
30-35,
*0kmeadows
writes:lets see where to begin, well me and my girlfriend are great, we never fight, we always talk things out if or when something is wrong, we've been together just passing 8 months, and I've fallen in love with her a long time ago, we both did, I'm nineteen graduated and she's sixteen going on to junior, both virgins, same morals saving sex till marriage, rare finding a girl like that. well into about the 5th month we both get to go on a JROTC trip to DC, and have a blast with each other, the first night i stayed in my room making sure sarg and major didnt walk around, of coarse they never did, just like the sophomore year i went on this trip, and left my door unlocked, she surprised me with a 5:30 wake up with pationate kissing, all the rest of the nights when we would return to our rooms i would go straight to hers, the last nights no details but everything but sex, and it felt so right and perfect, now on that last night, i asked whats one thing you have never told me, as we hold each other on the floor, with her friends in the bed above us hehe, well she hesitates to tell, taking a moment she gathers her courage, tells me from age 4-9 she was taken advantage of by her cousin and one big issue with brother, my mind how it works in short likes to fill in puzzles without the hole story, that night i told her my side as well falling asleep telling each other we love you for the first time, so for two months i was led to believe that she wasn't a virgin because of my brain, and I've dumped women before because the fact, but this was different, she was taken advantage of not her control so i learned to forgive her, well come to find out at a play at school and I've been waiting for the answer for a while was if she was going to have to move or not(dad promoted to colonel) place of movement.....Alaska, and yes she did move may 29.now we are still together i would never leave her, we talk all the time about marriage and our future together and it sounds so right and perfect well a week prior to her leaving we would go on walks and have wonderful deep conversations, concluding that i found out when i worked the courage to ask her again about her past, that she was still a virgin, she was harassed not raped, going home asking again knowing it wasn't the right thing to do but for reassurance, so that she didn't say it to make me happy, she said she would never lie to me, sry this is taking so long to get to the point but here it is, upon our endless nights of talking, there is still a past about her that she mentioned not about the previous, but just mentioned there was more, problem is, she will not tell me, and it hurts being so loved yet pushed away because i don't know "her" we have had nights were we play 20 questions and she asks whats one thing you hate, nothing cause i lover her, then i said there is one thing, that you don't open up to me, we talked not argued and i spilled my guts how i feel, i can paste that on here if anyone needs so, and her reply as well, but she reassured me she would never tell me that she(wishes) she had never told me about her past in the first place, we told each other we would never regret anything we did... before DC, that isn't a wish its a regret, guess what I'm trying to get at is that i want her to be able to feel comfortable that she can tell me anything and that we are very close to each other, i know it will take time for her to let go of her past but, in her reply she said she would never tell me, convincingly, i don't want to be in a marriage were my wife cant tell me anything she is my wife i would never leave her or think less of her, only love her more, it would eventually ruin us, need help what do i do, i know i have to wait, and be patient but she says she will never tell me, i don't want anything to be hidden between the two of us, i don't know whats she's scared of or so worried about her past that shes willing to hide it from me, even being that she feels safe with me. so let me know what you think and give me ideas to help me cope with or to eventually ease her into telling me, btw she has a personal journal that i remembered and asked if she would walk me through it someday, and she said yes, and i asked everything, another, yes, later to say that only after she burns some of the things, once again hiding things from me, thanks for taking the time to read, any input would be wonderful thanks again
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both virgins, cousin, her past, kissing, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, 10kmeadows +, writes (15 July 2010):
10kmeadows is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit does and thank you so much, and i wish you a happy life as well with your husband
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 Long distance relationships can work, I married my husband after spending 3 years in another city from him. We talked on the phone at least once a week and I was close enough to him to travel and spend weekends with him. It was hard work but we were committed to each other to come out the other end in tact and we did. I think the key is to keep talking and be honest about what you are both feeling. When you are together you need to make the absoute most of the time you are together and do nice things for each other and have fun.
Good luck I hope this answers your question
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A
male
reader, 10kmeadows +, writes (15 July 2010):
10kmeadows is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, got another question, if thats fine with you, any advice on long distance, im in love and i would never leave her, cheat on her..ect, we have everything myspace,facebook,skype w/webcam, home phone for her, i know it's going to be hard, she doesnt think so, she says she loves me... easy she calls it, for her that she can get through this because she loves me, but when school starts and i start my job next week, and her school starts, i dont think she fully knows the difficulty yet, idk my point here but, whats the biggest smartest advice you can give me for the long run, and none of that long distance usually doesnt work out crap, it may be a dream for her, but one day she will wake up in my arms in what i call reality. never again having to be hurt
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (15 July 2010):
Happy to help. Honestly I wouldn't even ask her about it anymore now. She knows that you want to know and she will definately tell you when she is ready.
Go forth and be happy may the force be with you :-)
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A
male
reader, 10kmeadows +, writes (15 July 2010):
10kmeadows is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate it, well harassment is everything thing but sex, correct me if im wrong but you think that she would also tell me over and over the same answer no matter how many times i asked just to make me feel happy, and i know i have to wait shes still young and has some changing to still do, but you think all will be fine as long as i tell her im always here for her cause i already have, but i dont worry i just hope that one day that she realizes she needs to open up so we can fix this trust issue, thanks so much for taking the time to help me out
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (15 July 2010):
When the time is right she will tell you what the secret is and the more you worry and obsess over it the longer it will take for the time to be right. 8 months being with someone is great and you sound like a great guy but it's not very long to be telling someone deep painful secrets. Some people take years to reveal stuff like that about themselves due to the intense feelings of shame and guilt surrounding it. Just concentrate on loving her to the best of your ability without pressure. By the way she is still a virgin since she has never willingly had sex don't think of her as anything else but.
Good luck my friend you will be fine.
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