Do you think it's possible to REstart a long distance relationship even though it was the cause of us falling apart? What to do to remind her of the good times?

A male age 36-40, *amanky writes:

Hello everyone, he's my question. My exgirlfriend and I began dating in highschool when I was a senior and she was a junior. After only 10 months of being together before I had to leave for college, we became extremely close. We both admitted to eachother that we were deeply in love and would stay together regardless of the distance. The first year of long distance worked out extremely well, as I was able to return to my hometown to visit her atleast once a month. Then she went off to a college 400 miles away, and I still managed to drive and see her once a month for the first semester. We would have amazing, deep conversations on the phone and agreed that we had fallen even deeper in love and that the distance was becoming harder and harder. Eventually during our second semester, it became harder to keep interest in our conversations yet we still had an amazing time with eachother when we would visit. During the last 3 months of school we were so busy that we weren't able to visit and our conversations died to pitiful 5 minute chats. Eventually when we returned home for the summer, we were both so depressed that we had grown apart so much. We tried for a month to rekindle our feelings, but to no avail. She eventually told me she loved with me, but no longer in love with me. We had almost been together for 3 years. I told her we should stop talking, and did so for 3 months. Yet I finally called her when we were both back in college. Our talk was for 3 hours and she cried off and on throughout it. We talked about what went wrong, how we took our relationship for granted. She brought up getting back together, but said it would be impossible over the phone. She even admitted during our deep and loving conversation that it was making her fall in love with me again. So we both don't know what to do, and are both terribly confused. Now we've talked 30 minutes a day for the past week and I know for sure I still love her, and want to show her why she loved me in the first place. But when we talk, we try to keep to general conversations because I know she hates serious talks. I don't want to always bring up those deep conversations for fear that she'll become bored of me always bringing them up. My question is, do you think it's possible to start a long distance relationship up again even though it was the cause of us falling apart. I'm worried that our deep feelings were damaged and could never reach that point again. Now that we've talked about what went wrong, I personally feel that I could work even harder this time and avoid those mistakes, but would this keep her happy this time around? Would it be a bad idea to drive up and visit her without warning, as a surprise - bring her roses and try to talk to her face to face and attempt to remind her of why she was in love with me? Though she lives in the dorms and I wouldn't want to force her to spend her weekend with me or spend the night, I wouldn't even mind making a day trip to avoid that.

View related questions: depressed, long distance, my ex

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A male reader, damanky  +, writes (8 October 2007):

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