A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there! I've just got this thing that when i love someone i tend to call them toooooo much, my boyfriend just admited to me yesterday that it annoys him, me calling him like that. we've been together for 3 months now and i just feel like hearing his voice every sec since we only see each other once a week. Can u plz give me some tips so that i can decrease d number of time i call him? I feel like i'm the one going after him. Plz help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy only once a week?- Because he's only off on saturday. Is he about your age?- He's nine years older than me.Is he busy with work?-Yes. What does he do with his other time that he doesn't see you? after work he just stays at home listen to the music or from now on we be playing games.He used to live very close from where i used to work, back then we saw each other every single day. When he moved out he manage to see me almost every day and then he was broke and i to do all the travelling and see him whenever i could; then he decided that saturday will be a perfect day for us to spend an all day together.I've already tried some of the stuff that some of you guys suggested! I love dancing and right now i'm doing hip hop and solo latin american dancing at a private institute. i dance twice a week and on some saturdays i got for competitions- well he doesn't like me dancing even though he has seen me dance and admitted that i have talent,he still makes an issue out of me going for comps or classes.BY THE WAY WHO IS SUPPOSE TO CALL WHO FIRST? Because i believe that that is the source of my obsession! When he gets to call or sms me first he wants to know why i didn't call, that i wasn't thinking of him, all sort of stuff. Then when i started calling n smsing him first(some of the time, before he's out of bed)i couldn't seem to stop even until now; i can't help it, i just want to call and call and call and call, no stop; same with the text messages! At least for the smses i stop when he doesn't reply! I understand that he's very much mature and that's he's been through a lot in life and that i still have a long way to go but i'm stuck in the middle of my obsession and his expectations, i don't know what to do! but one thing for sure i'm crazy about him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for every single advise, i really appreciate it!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 July 2008):
Agree with him that you'll only call him once and day and arrange a time. Then you know you are not allowed to ring him till that time.
After that you just have to build up your will power and self control. Your behaviour will drive him away so keep telling yourself that everytime you get the urge to call when you shouldn't.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): You have to try to stop this. I did the same thing calling ALL the time over trivia and in the end I drove him crazy and he dumped me. I know you want to hear his voice and connect with him but he will view it that you are dependent on him and men don't like that. Some men even deem this as controlling. As soon as your hnd wanders to the phone call a friend, your parents anyone but him. I would call my man 3 times a day plus countless texts and e-mails and he would cut me off as soon as he saw my number but answering if I withheld. You don't want this to happen to you or to make a fool of yourself like I did. It is hard to wean yourself off from this and for me only something physical could help like gardening, running etc. You also want to do something that takes a bit of time as it is time you want to kill. I can assure you if you don't ring him he will call you because he will want to talk to you anyway and because he will be curious as to why you are not calling him all the time. Let him chase you.
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reader, Star_07  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Only call him when you have something important to say or if you two plan on getting together. Let him be the one calling you though (if you find you are always calling him).
Keep busy! Go out with friends, talk to family, cut the grass, clean the house, whatever it takes to keep busy.
And maybe he will start missing you when he finds you are busy all the time.
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female
reader, stauffera91 +, writes (3 July 2008):
 lol if anyone has a solution tell me too because i call my boyfriend like every half hour!! and he gets annoyed too! so i feel your pain girl... all we are trying to so is love em : ) haha im in the same boat as you
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Do some activities that can keep your mind off of him. There are TON of things you could do, but if you can't think of any I'll give you some suggestions.
You could:
-Read a book
-Cook or learn to cook
-Do some sewing or learn how to
-If you like to dance you could do that
-Take a walk
-take a sport
-call a friend
-Watch tv or a movie
-Go out
What you have is called an OBSESSION. Control yourself from what you do and try to do the activities I suggested you above or do something else. If you don't change you will most likely lose your guy.
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reader, HelenaB +, writes (3 July 2008):
Its simple in theory, just wait for him to call you. I know it will be hard because in your mind you will be wondering if he ever will call you but at the end of the day, if he does not then you know!
I know that is really hard but so true. How come you only see each other once a week? How is he when he is with you? Me and my boyfriend used to see each other just on a Wednesday and at the weekends, we did not talk every day when we were not together but we always had a good morning / good night text ... it was good because it meant we were getting on with the things that we enjoyed and then looked forward to seeing each other so much when we did. We live together now and still try and give each other that space we had before to a certain extent so that we can have some of our own 'me'time. I admit I find this harder than he does because like you, with my boyfriend, I could happily spend every waking moment with him and hear his every opinion on everything but ... as there are two of us in our relationship I have to let it grow that way and then hope we grow together.
The other thing to remember is the person he met is the person that he wants to come and see every week and not necessarily the person you turn into when you call him all the time? Try and do some of what you did before you met him and remind him of why he wanted you in the first place. Can you suggest you see a bit more of each other? Maybe plan a weekend away together to get to know each other better? Missing them only make the heart go fonder when you really like someone so make him miss you too?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I guess it's hard to know how annoying something is if its never been done to you. Have you ever had someone call you over and over again? Just imagine if your boyfriend called you every five minutes. You would probably start to question his sanity.
Why don't you just STOP calling him and instead WAIT for him to call you. Do you think you can do that? He already said he is ANNOYED and that's a bad sign. So everytime you pick up the phone to call him, just think about how annoying it is to him and if you keep annoying him you are going to lose him. Do you want to lose him? Then stop calling him.
And if you give it a chance to be the reverse, where he is the one calling and looking for you, soon enough you will get used to that, and with each passing day you will be more and more comfortable with that arrangement. But give it a chance.
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