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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel like I can never keep a friendship. I am not sure if it is my fault or what..But I will try my best to explain things.I feel like people eventually get bored with me and find new and much better people to hang out with and become friends with, and then we slowly drift apart and then eventually we hardly even talk to each other anymore. And honestly, I just totally feel left out and lonely most of the time. I have even had a couple of occasions where people have gotten upset with me for not talking enough or never talking to them anymore or just getting upset about things that are not even that serious. I try and be a great friend to everybody and try to be the best person I can be to everyone, and it seems like everything just always goes to shit (sorry for the language haha) Any opinions on why I can't seem to keep friends? I have had so many people in and out of my life and I do not understand what I do wrong, what should I start doing differently?A little bit about me: I would consider myself a fun and down to earth person, I never fight with anybody or cause any drama or anything. I've been told I'm quite funny and have a nice personality. I don't do drugs nor smoke, I party occasionally but only if people invite me out. I'm a little shy at first but I'm not in any way rude or stuck up. Do you think I'm just not out going enough and people lose interest in wanting to be my friend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): No I don't think you have to go out more so people do not lose interest in you as a person. You seem to have a lot on the ball. Join some clubs, groups and other community activities so people see you in a different light I am sure things will work out for you. Be patient.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): I have the EXACT same problem as you! I'm 24, and this has been going on since I was like 15. My best friend moved away back then, and ever since, I've never found anyone like her. She understood me, and never judged me for being a little shy and awkward.
Anyway, my guess is to why people back away from us is because we come off as not being interested in them. This is obviously not the case, but they don't know that. People may also see us as "boring" since we don't talk enough, or go out that often. I too have not been able to talk to people that well because I just can't think of much to say. I've also had it where I was around someone new, and because I was so nervous, I accidentally said something that offended them. The only people I can talk to for hours nowadays is my husband and my mother. Work is the only socializing time I get anymore.
I guess we're both going to have to step out of comfort zones, and tell people our interests even if we think they won't care. We both have to start going out more, and never turn down any invites anywhere, at least until we've made a couple of friends we can spend time with one on one, and not always having to be around a crowd.
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female
reader, Dayzee  +, writes (16 March 2013):
Well here's the good news. You don't have any trouble making friends. Yay! So you have something great on which you can build.
But I imagine because these friendships are not going the way you want them to, you may be losing confidence.
Q: when you have friends and they bring a new friend into the equation, do you feel you are going to be passed over or do you continue to include yourself?
It is important that you let your friends make new friends and if you like them and enjoy their company, they can be a new friend for you also.
You said your friends have gotten upset at you for not talking. So you know what they are looking for from you. That actually sounds like they are wanting more of you, not less. SO I actually find your letter the most promising and hopeful of any letter I have ever read onthis blog.
Get back in their and keep giving your best. You are lucky that you have a good personality, so keep sharing it.
BTW, Having common interests, eg belonging to the same club, makes conversations easier to maintain.
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