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female
age
36-40,
*onkeyboots
writes: Last night, I came home and mum said I need to get some respect. I haven't once hoovered, cooked tea for her etc, I never text my gran or sister/brother or go and see them, she says I use people for what they've got, and am always negative about everything and she's not the only one who has noticed. She says she feels she doesn't know me anymore and that I'm not the bubbly fun girl I used to be before I went away to university in September.Initially I was angry, but I stayed up all night thinking about it and do you know what...? I don't care. That's what worries me the most. I only seem to care about myself latley. I don't have time for anyone. I genuinely think I'm a dull, horrible person. I'm very insecure, and think I may have some form of social anxiety- I always constantly worry that people don't like me, but this just proves there is nothing to like!!! I just need to understand? Do you think I'm depressed perhaps? Sometimes I get really really down and feel like running away. Sometimes I feel fine and happy. I always feel like my life is pretty rubbish and feel sorry for myself. Do you think I'm just a naturally selfish/horrible person??? Please please help me.x
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male
reader, Zim  +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Goodness no, I don't think you're a naturally selfish person. I'm the same in some respects. It could be something like you enjoy your independence and so don't appreciate being told what to do at home. Also, is University life good, or is it difficult at the moment? It could be that perhaps you have something on your mind or perhaps you've been working so hard you just don't have the energy to want to do anything. I can empathise with that too. However, I believe you need to make a change. Your family is obviously worried about you because they care for you. You say that you have some form of social anxiety. The only way to improve that is to socialise with people, preferably your family. They will never hate you, so they're a great base to start from. Do things that are unexpected. Small things to begin with though such as offering a cup of tea, doing the washing up or offering change for parking. Offer to go round to your gran's house or your brother/sister. Doing big things are harder to maintain when you feel this way and therefore won't make too much of a good impression. One good thing you can do, is get something small that your mom would like, such as a bracelet or necklace and then give it to her with an apology. That will mean the earth to her and will make you feel amazing too.I am guessing that you are the type of person that prefers solitude over company. You like to be engrossed in your own thoughts and daydreams? If so, again similar to how I was and still am to some degree. The best thing i've found is to make as much time as possible for others. Not constantly, (that's too hard) but a couple of hours each day. Just sitting in the same room as your mom and commenting on how good she looks can make the world of difference. I do not mean to patronise by the way, I just want to give you as much information as possible. The process is slow, but I can tell you its really worth the effort. In answer to your other question, you could be depressed. However, in order for something like that to be assessed, you would need to seek a counsellor or a GP for their opinion. Personally, I think you may be feeling down because you feel no-one likes you and this is leading to you creating a "safety mechanism" and hiding yourself away, only taking what is necessary. Try to take in the points I have given in above. Remember, you are not inherently a bad person. You've just lost your way. Think of it as finding the right path again. It will take a while, but you have your family and all the time in the world.I hope this helped. Please reply if I have missed the heart of the matter. I wish you the best of luck.ZIM
A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (11 August 2007):
 No I dont. From what you have said I can relate you to a friend of mine. She felt exactly like this, and she had depression. I think you should see someone to help you. Also you could try and help out a bit more. I know its boring but it will help things out, and being praised will help you feel good about yourself.Starting a hobby may help as it will keep your mind on somthing. I would suggest getting a pet so your not alone, but maybe it isnt practical.Message me if you want to talk :)x
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