A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im head over heels in love with this girl who lives on the same dorm floor. I spend about 4-5 hours a day with her. We talk about everything... her relationships with her family, how high school was, sports, books, music, movies, literally everything. We do laundry together, take naps together... everything not sexually related. i wasn't sure why this was the case. But i found out a few days ago.Unfortunately, she has a boyfriend. They started dating when classes started. Im pretty sure she was hiding him from me...I feel like I have a better connection with her than she does with her boyfriend however. And, I feel like she wouldn't be spending all this time with me if she didn't have some feelings for me too. I honestly can't imagine being with anyone else, but she's dating this other guy, so she obviously can't just dump him for me. It's very difficult for me to wear a mask around her. But I dont want her to know she's hurting me.I want to be patient with her and keep developing that strong friendship so that eventually she'll realize that Im the right guy for her. Does this sound like a good idea?Because, God forbid, if she doesn't feel the same how am I going to get over her? It's gonna be very difficult to forget about someone who lives with me and I see every day...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told my friend i liked her the first week of college.
So it's not like it was news to him.
And he was already sleeping with someone else.
Apparently he was just killing time.
Waiting for her to dump her boyfriend and sweep her off her feet.
I don't deserve to be treated so poorly. By either of them. Screw them both.
I've just lost a friend AND a potential girlfriend.
But I don't need either of them. With any luck, Im gonna find a great girl who actually likes me.
My friend is gonna feel guilty years from now...
Because he just lost a good friend just for some girl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Omg that is so awful. im sorry you had to go through that. did this friend know you liked her? if he did hes not much of a friend. and you are not pathetic. you did what you could so none of this is your fault. my advice...try to move on. im sure there are many girls out there that are looking for a great guy like you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I was planning on asking her out to dinner this weekend.
But guess what... that's never gonna happen... a guy I thought was my friend swept in the next day she breaks up with her boyfriend.
He hit on her right in front of me. And apparently she has feelings for him... and none for me.
He is more attractive than me... he does do crew.
She just reinforces that stereotype that the girl always falls for the hot guy...
But she really didn't seem like that kinda girl, she was so down to earth...
and she just broke up with that other guy yesterday! WTF?
Im in a state of shock right now and so upset. Thanks for your advice, but it's pretty useless now...
FML.... Im so sad... I feel so pathetic. );
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 You are so cute…I can feel your excitement through the computer screen :)
Anyway, what should you do now? Hmmm…well, did she say anything else after she told you they broke up? Did she say it like she really wanted you to know they broke up or was it more of a conversation thing…you know, did she make a point of it?
If what she’s saying is true, then it sounds like she was the one that dumped him and she shouldn’t have too many post-break up issues.
Back to you though…this is a tough one, I think you need to try and read the situation a bit better and make the move that would best suit the situation. I know it’s hard because your feelings are involved and you probably can’t tell how she feels exactly. You already told her how you felt so it’s not like she doesn’t know. You could tell her again, see what she says or you can bite the bullet and go for it, make a move while you guys are hanging out. The reaction you get will tell you how she feels I suppose. But, it might be too soon or she might think you’re trying to take advantage of her. But then again, for all we know she might be dying for you to do something but is too scared to make a move on you herself.
How close is your relationship? Can you talk about anything? It’s hard to say anything to you because I don’t know you or her but with the info I do have I would talk to her rather than make a bold move. You’ve been a good guy so far and you don’t want to ruin that. At the same time though you have to stand up for what you want and make it known. You could sit her down, say to her ‘remember how I told you about…,’ tell her you still feel the same, tell her that you understand that she just got out of a relationship and that you don’t want to be pushy etc, and tell her that you’d like to be more than friends. If she’s game enough I’d think that she’d come to you, and even if she thinks it's bold of you to do that...she'll appreciate the honesty and you going for what you want.
Let us know what happens :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): go for it! give her a couple of days to adjust and then make your move. its better to take a risk and fail than to take none at all. if you dont ask her soon you will always be stuck with the question "what if?"
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male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Well now, fortunately we have more information on what she wants to accomplish with her relationships, as well as standards. This is still a little tough however, so you'll have to be careful with how you act. Guys? What do you think?
Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would talk with her about it, and wait for her to cool off. And when she is back to 'single and looking' status, ask her to give me a shot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, so I have a bombshell for u guys.
The two of us were hanging out like we always do. And out of the blue she tells me she broke up with her boyfriend!
She said she went too fast with him and wanted to get to know someone before dating them.
Needless to say I didnt know how to react. I basically shrugged it off and changed the subject.
What should I do now? Should I go for it or keep being that good friend? I don't want to push things too quickly, but I don't want to wait too long either.
What a dilema! Im so confused!
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A
male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (7 October 2009):
For sure, but it wouldn't hurt to follow through with CodeWarriors advice. Test her reactions with the 'I'm looking for other girls' line.
-Hero
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your answers! Thank you Lexie88 for your answer.
Because I was worried that telling her was a terrible mistake.
I really hope she sees that Im a good guy who'll treat her the way she should be.
But, if she never feels the the way I feel about her... I'll still have a great girl as a friend. :)
That's why I fell for her in the first place.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (7 October 2009):
I don't think you messed anything up by telling her how you felt. If anything, it's a good thing you did tell her. She now knows and can choose to do what she wishes with that information. If you are willing to wait things out, be friends with her, then all the luck to you. Telling her how you felt is much better than never saying a thing.
What I would like you to do though is to keep the balance between being there for her and not letting her walk all over you. She knows how you feel, and I'm not suggesting she would use that, but be careful. No matter how much you like her, put yourself first. Maybe in the end, you being confident, knowing what you want and all that, and still being supportive of her will make all the difference. Just don't be a push over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses! The thing is that I already told her I had feelings for her.
But I also said I didn't want her to act any different towards me as her friend.
She was cool about it and is acting normal, like I never told her how I felt.
Im still in a good position to be there for her right?
Was telling her how I felt wrong? Did I just screw myself over by doing that?
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female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (7 October 2009):
No one can tell you what can happen here...the whole thing is a risk. She enjoys the time she spends with you and perhaps she needs someone like you around but that could be all there is to it. For some reason I don't really think you'll be the guy she turns to when, and if, things with her boyfriend don't work out. You're a friend and I don't think you'll be getting out of that friend zone. If she's that comfortable with you (and if she's never mentioned any feelings being involved) then I'd say you're just a friend and I doubt you will be more than that. She might come to you for support if things with her bf don't work out but she'll be looking elsewhere for the next bf. We women can spend a lot of time with a guy and get along with him so well but not have the slightest feelings for him...we often see this kind of guy as one of our girl friends.By all means though, things could happen and she could realize you're the right guy for her...but I doubt this. What you do now is up to you. 'Waiting' for her is a huge risk to you emotionally. You just have to know that you might waste a lot of time and other opportunities.I also agree with Code Warrior.
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male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (7 October 2009):
First of all, I think what you have planned is the right idea. But it's the right idea under a few circumstances. One of those being- that she likes you. Not like 'that' so much, but as a person. Which, I'm sure she does, as you are good friends.
Second, I think you are in a great position to catch her fall should anything go wrong. After which, a great opportunity to tell her your feelings will arise.
But even if she doesn't crash hard, that's still okay. The age-old advice still remains the same, as it always will:
Tell her how you feel.
Good luck man, you got it.
-Hero
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): eek. it sounds like you've just been dumped into the just friends category. but regardless i think you are doing the right thing. just continue to be there for her and develop a good relationship and she might just realize that you are what she has been waiting for. thats what happened with me and my boyfriend. it took me two years to see it though lol. i was just clueless, hopefully for your sake it wont take that long. if you find out she doesnt feel the same way and you have developed a strong attachment it is going to be really hard to get over her. yeah this sucks. maybe you should tell her about your feelings as soon as you can. that way everything is out in the open. Good luck!
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