A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,Do you think I should tell my husbands boss to mind her own business?My husband who is a licensed RN took a school nurse job that pays 20 grand lower than his market value than he would be making in most other nursing jobs. To make up the difference he moonlights and works for an agency that staffs nurses at different hospitals. The other day my husband had to go in for a annual physical for his moonlight job. His boss (a much older female) told him, " Is doing all of this really worth while?" "If your wife got a job you wouldn't have to do all of this running around and working extra." I feel that the way we run our household is none of her business and she should keep her commits to herself. She knows darn well that where he works is a low paying gig. He should have never taken that job in they first place. No man or women in the prime of their nursing career stays at that job because they all have families to support. In fact they have a hard time finding someone to take a job there due to the low pay. They have to get staffing agency to fill in holes on the schedule. I am tempted to call his boss and tell her to mind her own business and tell her how I feel about the low wage. I also feel I really need to put the pressure on my husband to get a real paying job and his masters degree. This is the type of job that a retired nurse does on the side. Not as a serious career. I Just want my husband to Man up and pull in what he is worth as per the market value. Then I will get a job when I see that I am out of the equation as the fall back. Yes I am slightly old fashioned in my thinking. But I just want my husband to stop getting 'played' and start getting paid! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2015): No. Do not tell your Husbands boss to mind her business. That's immature. Your husband obviously told you what his boss said to get a reaction from you. Maybe he's tired of working so hard. Maybe he wants you to get a job. If you pay the mortgage that's great. But if your husband works so much I assume you have many more responsibilities than mortgage. So maybe you should get a job and then your husband wouldn't have to work so much. Seems like a simple fix. If you love your husband then help him. Help the household. You're supposed to be a team. One person shouldn't work like a slave while the other person does nothing. Seem unfair. It's 2015 maybe change your mindset and get out of the old fashioned thinking. I'm sure he could man up and find a woman who works and who is willing to be a team player.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): Your actual question is what i am going to focus on, Yes i agree with you, she has NO right to discuss your personal life
and she should not be privy to any personal information.
However I would not pick the phone up and tell her, after all this is your husbands employment not a good idea to destabilize finance and make bad references for him.
I am a bank nurse in the UK and agencies pay a huge amount for their staff compared to us NHS workers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): To be honest I feel like the boss is right. What is the reason you can't work yourself and support your husband that way? It makes sense
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 October 2015):
 Yikes - just saw your reply.
If his working two jobs still isn't covering your mortgage and you're draining your savings to pay it, then you REALLY need to start bringing in some income too!!!
To be really old-fashioned, there are two ways to make ends meet - either increasing the amount of income, or decreasing the amount of expenses!
Maybe you have too much house. Maybe things like phones, cable, credit cards, shopping, maintenance, maybe too many cars, too many school clubs if your kids are teenagers, all of that budgeting can be tightened. You'd be absolutely amazed at how much the little expenses can drain bank accounts like piranhas.
You've got bigger problems than just his health. You can help him find better opportunities while at the same time being a more direct support and generating income of your own is imperative. You say you want him to get his Master's??? What is your education level? What job experience can you bring to this table to solve this problem?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 October 2015):
Uhh, that's a big huge *NO* to calling his boss. Seriously, the OPPOSITE of wanting your husband to "man up" would be for you to call HIS boss as if your husband were a second grader and you are calling to reprimand his elementary school teacher for making an insensitive comment.
I'm curious - were you in the room when his boss said that to him? Or did you hear it when HE told you that that's what she said??
The reason I ask is - if you are reacting to what your HUSBAND said that his boss said to him, then I think that your husband is trying to tell you that he really does need your help in the money-earning department.
At his age (and yours), it's not realistic for you to put the pressure on him to both work the insane hours AND get his Master's degree, which in itself is a full-time undertaking. Your husband is trying to tell you that his health is suffering under the weight of his burden.
Sorry, but you putting pressure on him is really hurting him. Don't do it. In fact, carry some of his burden if your kids are teenagers or fully grown. A part time job will make all the difference for him, and he can get his master's with you helping to carry the load. That way, all he has to work is his primary job while you carry the second one.
Also, my college roommate became an RN as well, and through the years, she's told me that the secret to higher paying jobs as an RN is location, location, location. It's not as simple as him marching into the school or wherever and demanding what he's worth, because there's cost of living, and there's demand. You might have to prepare to move out of town into a place where RN demand is much higher for him to get the higher wages. Not only that, but many RN's make insane amounts of money by being itinerant and traveling from assignment to assignment, spending 6 months in one place, a year in the other.
If you read between the lines, your husband is begging you for help. You're not being "old-fashioned". Your line of thinking doesn't even make sense! You'll get a job once you see you're not the "fall-back"?? You're part of your household, aren't you?? Doesn't make sense for you to get the job when your family no longer needs you to!
Unless you have serious health issues, now is the time to put you getting a job on the table, because you and I both know that it has nothing to do with you wanting your husband to push for more income and everything to do with you simply not wanting to work. If he has to work two jobs and his health is suffering, you need to step up. At your age, nothing should be taken for granted, and to be honest, there's nothing more old-fashioned than becoming a widow. Sorry for the tough truth, but he's needing your help now more than ever. Don't make him have two jobs at his age if he can help it and you're not working and you're physically able!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): Oh I am the poster of this question and I should add I pay the mortgage out of my personal and private saving account. Something I had before we got married. So he isn't 100% responsible for all of the bills. Just FYI
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (24 October 2015):
If you are old fashioned then you should be supporting your husband as a wife should. Calling his boss isn't something that would benefit him, after all, it will most likely cost him that job which means less income for the household. For you to do something like that means you aren't supporting him the way you should. "It's like going outside and kicking your car because it doesn't work...you're injuring the thing you're trying to make better".
At any rate, she is his boss and his general well being and career path is usually a concern of higher-ups. The fact that she made that comment means she does know a little about her co-worker's household which allows her to be concerned. I doubt "man up" makes someone automatically get the job he/she wants. I don't know anything about today's job market in that field but I'm sure if he could have gotten a job like that, he would have. I doubt anyone likes working 2 jobs.
It is also concerning to me on why his boss's statements bothered you so much. Generally speaking, we all hear and put up with crap in the workplace. But for some reason this one thing bothers you that much, which wasn't even told to you. I think part of it is because she might actually be right. From what you said, it sounded like you could work but you just don't want to. But that's your choice of course.
If you want to actually help your household and help your husband then do so, don't insult the his sacrifices and his honest work hard just because it doesn't make you happy. Should you tell his boss to mind her business? No.
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