A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really want to have a lesbian experience just to see if I am bi or notAt the moment I'm with a wonderful guy but feel myself fantasising about women more and more. I've always felt this way really, when I was about 12 or 13 I used to play a game with my neighbour who was about 15 where one of us would pretend to be a guy and feel the other one up and finger them.I would also regularly stay up at night to try and watch porn on the TV but it was always the women that turned me on - they still do.I've always dreamed about sucking another womans nipples and doing to them the stuff I love being done to me.When i was 15 I lost my virginity and since then have slept with a few men. I know Im in love with my current boyfriend but we're having less and less sex and I think this may be what is making me want to act out this fantasy.Should I confront him about this?I've also gotten in contact with a bi girl from my area and we have been texting and e-mail flirting like mad and she's sent me a few dirty pictures of herself, but we have never met up. She knows I have a boyfriend and says she is just looking for a bit of fun, she even said he can come and watch if we decide to get together - I'm not 100% sure what he'll say to that though he has asked for a threesome with another woman but I told him no and he forgot about itDo you think I should speak to my boyfriend or just meet up with this woman?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anon male.. What hapened after? Thats the main thing I would be worried about is what happens afterwards.
I have pulled my mates infront of my boyfriend and his friends before and his best mates girlfriend and I were kissing and touching for them one night but she asked me to go to bed with her and her bf or my bf and her.
My bf got far too jealous tho and started shouting at me and saying it was cheating but about 2 weeks after that he asked for a 3some.
Thats the only reason I ask as I think he would get far too jealous again
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Personnally I find the idea a real turn on my wife and another female. I have watched my wife and another guy and it was so hot. I would insist that I was also able to join in if I wanted to.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Well, if you don't ask him then you'll never know (and that goes for the tying him to the bed too!!).
It sounds to me like you're as level-headed about this as anyone is likely to ever be, so I wish you the very best of luck in being able to do what you obviously want to do so badly.
I can't imagine any man agreeing to you doing it and turning down the opporunity to join in - but, as I said, I fear that my judgement may well now be clouded and not to be relied on!
Good luck. I'm tempted to say let us know what happens, but I guess that's just my voyeuristic side getting the better of the more detached "uncle mode" I should be concentrating on here!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha thats a brilliant idea!! Tell your wife shes a genius! But i dont think that my boyfriend will allow it lol.
Infact I'm not 100% sure he'll allow any of it!! but I'm going to talk to him tonight and see what he says =S
I know this might cause a lot of problems but I'm not going to do it if he doesn't want me to AND I think I would prefer to be the one joining in a threesome more as its not like your emotionally attached to the other two in the first place.
Or.. IF and this is one big if he lets me and DOESN'T want to join in I can always film it for him hehe..
We'll See anyway!!
x
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (12 June 2008):
Oh all right then! She reckons you should tie your boyfriend to the bed while you and your friend have your fun so he can't interfere - and then sort him out when you've finished! Too much for most people, I fear, but it does have a sort of kinky appeal to it...
More seriously, I do have real concerns that you could do real damage to a good relationship by having a third person involved. It so rarely works well, but I'm afraid that now I have the image in my head of the two of you and your helpless boyfriend.... any more advice from me for the moment is probably going to be completely useless!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLol what's your wifes idea? you have me intrigued now!!
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (12 June 2008):
I think one of you will probably end up really jealous one way or another whether he joins in or whether you do it and he doesn't.
It might work, but do be very, very careful that he really feels comfortable with it before you actually do anything. Also, if he is going to join you, make sure you both set the limits, agree them and talk through them before you start. It's going to be very difficult to say "stop! I didn't mean for you to do that with her" when the three of you are naked and he just about to... well, you know what I mean!
It's most definitely a fantasy that many men have (most men?? Or is it just me?!!), so check that both of you have both feet firmly on the ground - understanding the reality of it and not just the "perfect fantasy".
(And you ought to hear what my wife says about it - she's just read this and come up with an idea of her own she reckons the three of you ought to do. Maybe she'll add her answer, because it's FAR too bizarre for me to write here!!)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell.. I think I'm going to tell him I've been having "urges" lol and see what he says. If he sounds completely dead against it I wont do it since I love him but if he doesnt seem to mind too much I might see if he'll let me try it. I really dont want him to join in as I will get so jealous if he had sex with her but if he insisted and/or complained about it I would allow it but he couldn,t have sex with her(he would have to watch or touch her - not full sex) do you think this is a good idea or do you think i would end up really jealous anywya?
x
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (11 June 2008):
It has to be your decision, and it has to be a decision that you have thought long and hard about.
Don't rush it.
Try to decide what is really important to you and to your long term aims in life. Sex and sexuality is important, certainly, but it's not everything. Real love, if that's what you have, may be more or less important to you depending on your priorities, and this is only something that you yourself can decide.
Having a baby becomes far more complicated to do later if you end up in a lesbian-only relationship (obviously!), but do you really want to be considering a baby at this stage of your life?
All I would really suggest at this point is that you don't do anything that can't be reversed - because as you say yourself, you really don't know what you want. Take your time and think about it, and consider everything you are going to do very carefully before you do it - and make sure you have fully thought out all the possible consequences. Few of us end up with everything we could possibly want sexually, physically, emotionally and financially when we eventually find the partner we settle with. If you always look for perfection you can end up with very little. You're young, so you have time for things to heal if you make a bad mistake now, but it's so much better not to make the mistake in the first place, which is why I keep saying think about it all very carefully and be sure of where you might be going before you do anything at all.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, tf123  +, writes (11 June 2008):
Ha..my fiance wants to watch me and another woman..and he suggested a lesbian he had sex w/before! I have to admit watching women is a turn on- hey we're sexual beings-but actually going through w/it could cause a lot of problems. It is a fantasy to experience it, but am I willing to take the chance of messing up my relationship? What will this lead to?? Let me know what you think? Maybe you can give me advice to!! ha
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I think its only fair to be honest with your partner. As said before becareful, this could the beginning of the end. Adding a 3rd person to the relationship might not help your situation but might find your true feeling. I would talk to him about your feeling and go from there. Goodluck
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, I do love him but I'm just so confused lately!!
I'm not sure if it is because he is starting to want a baby and I do but I dont think I truly know if I want to be with him forever or if I would be better of with a woman or something.
I think I just really need to try it to see which I prefer ?
xx
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (11 June 2008):
I think you should be very careful with this, and be absolutely sure of your feelings before you do any of it. Work through all the possible scenarios of what might happen in your head first.
Threesomes do work for some people. For many others they end in disaster, with lots of emotional left-overs that eventually end in breaking a relationship.
Similarly, if you are bisexual that doesn't necessarily mean you have to have both a male and female lover. Most bisexuals settle with one or the other - it's having a person that you love that matters, whatever sex they happen to be. To have a lesbian relationship when you already have a male partner without his full knowledge and consent may well end up being just as bad as having a second male lover - he might well regard it as "cheating".
Certainly you should talk to your boyfriend. I think you should also consider whether you can get what you need from within your existing relationship. There are plenty of "games" that might put back the spark, and if you and he are inventive enough I'm sure you can find something that should satisfy that bisexual urge too - without involving a third person.
Above all, don't do anything that might risk losing him if you really do love him.
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