A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship for four years (2 hours distance). I'm forty years of age but have never adored a man as much as this guy, who was 8 years younger. For me it was a wonderful relationship and felt as though I would've spent the rest of my life with him, I felt he was my soul mate. Nearly 5 months ago he split up with me, said he'd met someone else, I was devastated. I have tried to be strong and move on with my life. Got the promotion I wanted, new car etc. but I miss him being in my life so much. Every week I make arrangements so I'm not sitting at home alone. I've been on dates but no-one seems to measure up. I just feel like I have lost my soul mate, every night I sleep with his picture on the pillow next to mine. I've tried contacting his email address but its the wrong email and he's even changed his cell number. Do you think I should drive to his home and confront him? I know he loved me too but because of his gambling addiction made everything difficult for him and us. I'm an independent lady financially etc, I feel so sad having to spend the rest of my life without his company even if we only saw each other every 2 weeks. I know I sound sad, but I love him with all my heart. What should I do?
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (31 May 2007):
 I couldn't agree more with Cateyes I have to say.
So he was the love of your life but the hard facts are that he has already made sure you know that you are not the one for him.
You have had a very lucky escape, he has issues as far as gambling is concerned and perhaps this other person in his life is bankrolling his lifestyle, ask yourself this question, why was he involved with you when you were 8 years older than him, is the new woman in his life older again and more financially secure.
I know it is hard when we love someone and I was besotted with someone after my long term relationship broke up and I looked at his picture every single night and couldn't wait to see him every day, nothing came of it although there was plenty of flirting etc. I felt used and when I took off the rose tinted glasses, I saw him for what he is which is a player and unfortuntately so is your ex.
There is someone out there for you but don't rush things as you won't find him overnight. Give yourself plenty of time and start to think about the things you enjoy doing and do them.
Make plans to go away on a holiday with friends or family and although you may have forgotten about how things were in the relationship, I bet it wasn't all sunshine and roses as you already knew about the gambling addiction and that MUST take it's toll somewhere along the line.
The fact that he has changed his email address and cell number means that he does not want to be contacted.
What would you really achieve by driving 2 hours to see him at his home. Possibly coming face to face with him and his new woman would be extremely hard and why would you want to put yourself through that, he has moved on and I think you should sweetheart.
If you want closure then write him a letter to his home address and tell him that you feel like his decision came as a complete shock to you and it has left you feeling like what did I do wrong and you need some answers so that this does not happen in your next relationship as you want to understand a little more and without those thoughts of his you feel it is hard to move on.
You are trying to cling to straws here by saying about seeing him every 2 weeks, don't make yourself into a mug so that you bankroll his gambling and then in between seeing him he would probably continue seeing this other woman and then he would be stringing two of you along whilst taking your money.
You are worth so much more than this man can offer you and I think just because he is younger than you it flattered your ego enormously and that was great at the time but you are a woman with needs and this man cannot meet them, now or ever I feel.
You have so much more to give to a man and you deserve the level of respect and love only a true man can give you.
Plan your trip away and put yourself first for a change.
Keep us posted eh.
Take care and stay strong and positive, you are a business woman after all.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 I know your not going to like to hear this, but, you should be happy!!! He had a gambling problem? That's like any other addiction and it sounds like you would probably get stuck paying the bills and his tabs. He did also tell you he found someone new. Let it go. You are hurt and you wanted this relationship to last, but it didn't and you are hoping that there is still a chance. Remove his pic's, remove anything that is his and put it up. You might not get rid of it today, but in time because you will meet someone new. Just give it time and if your really ready to date...then keep going out. No harm IF your really ready, if not, maybe you shouldn't. And if not, then go out with your girlfriends or do things just for you or things you've been wanting to do. Just stay busy. I know easier said then done, it's hard but that is what you should be trying to do. I am sorry for you pain, because no break up of any kind is easy. However, I guess I am looking at the bigger picture...I'm looking down the road with his gambling problem and now you need to sell your car to pay for his debt or work extra hours or who knows...see what I mean? Think positive, stay happy, keep a smile on your face...and let others know you are looking to meet someone knew....you never know, you just might meet the ONE that's been waiting for you.
Chin up!!
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