A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for three years now. Living together for a little over two years. We recently broke up because he said his family thinks im not treating him right. Let me first say that I love this guy with all my heart and I go out of my way to show him. I take care of him in many ways, weather its by doing his laundry, cooking, packing him lunchs for work. Telling him i love him. I even started learning romanian for him. i mean i could go on but i want to bore you with these fine details. The problem started when i emailed his family to ask them to come to my parents house to meet them. They called my bf and told him that they didnt want to meet them because they dont like me. The reasons they dont like me is bc im rude, i dont treat him good, im not in school, and im not excited enough when i see them. They told him that I keep him from seeing his family, and he says i also keep him from his friends. I could give some examples of why they say this. To start he has two older sisters. Everytime they come over to visit they never knock on the door. This bothers me because i live there to and they dont show me respect. One of his sisters lives next door, has two kids and use to always drop of her kids at our apt for us to watch them.. without pay. Although i dont expect pay from family, Id like a thank you at least. I work with kids and i dont really want to come home to more kids. My bf takes this as me keeping him from his nephews~My bf got mad at me because i didnt want his sister and her kids to eat everything in the fridge. I am a very giving person, but at the same time im 22 yrs old living pay check to pay check. I dont want someone eating all my food. Maybe it is me, idk !!!! He also says that i am mean to his friends. Let me give you one example of his friend. His friend came over got too drunk to drive home fell asleep on the couch and peed everywhere! WE had to buy new couchs. I didnt say anything that time. I let it slide. Then he came over again and did the same exact thing. By this time yes ill admit i was very mad. And didnt like the fact that his friend peed on the couchs and didnt even offer money to have them cleaned.some of my problems i can admit to is that im a very jealous person and I will say something to someone who trys to walk all over me. How can i get it through my guys head that this doesnt mean i dont care for him? He told me i need counsleing! Im not a nice person and im always mad. I recently got upset with a girl who kept calling him and inapropriatly telling him she missed him. i never said anything to her for the past three years until now. She acted like i was the bad one and calls me all the crazy names. Then yesterday he went out to dinner with her?!!!!! of course im mad. shouldn't I be?Do you think I need counseling? Or do I just need to let more things slide??
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broke up, drunk, I work with, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): I think that you should just try and forget about him and realize that although it was great the fact that he is willing to throw it all away just because his family doesnt like you is a stupid reason and seems like a lame excuse to use to breakup when maybe he's wanted to in the past but never had a reason before. He should tell his family that ur gonna be around so they better start being nicer and let u in the family. Its pretty bad that he didnt even say anything to his friend about paying at all, esp after the 2nd time. Doesn't sound like thats a group of friends you'd wanna be friends with anyway if thats how they go about things.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (23 June 2009):
 Oops, I missed the culture clash aspect of it. Sorry about that.
Still, if you're not happy with this, then you have to sit down and seriously think about whether this is the relationship for you.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (23 June 2009):
Sounds like you've been letting too many things slide already to be honest. I'm with you. I would have put my foot down with the family and the friend just like you did.
It seems like not only is his family overinvolved in his life, they and your boyfriend want a doormat. Why can't he go over to his sister's house and see the kids? Why can't he buy them food if he's so concerned about them not eating? And, dangit, the peeing friend would have gotten a hefty piece of my mind for doing that to my new couch! Plus I wouldn't be excited about seeing his family either if all they did was complain about me.
Don't ever let anyone down you for having self-respect. If you don't feel like you're being appreciated, then tell all of them to kick rocks. Someone else will appreciate everything you do and won't expect you to just accept everything that happens without speaking up.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): You have a definite culture clash. In the Romanian culture, family really has no boundaries and come and go without knocking and drop kids off with other family members without notice, it's their culture. They want you to respect their culture but they live in America and don't want to adapt in any way to the culture where they live. Common problem with immigrants and they do it so they keep their tradition but they really shouldn't expect Americans to bend to their ways either. Your boyfriend is going to be loyal to his family and so I don't see how this can have much of a future. You don't need counseling but you do probably need a boyfriend with similar values.
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