A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:please help!!! my boyfriend is starting to be very controlling, for instance he always wants me to do what he says, listen to him, leave him be when he doesnt want me around and on top of that he is so mean to me. He talks to me like I am a little kid and says that when I learn he will start being nice to me. I end up crying during all of this and he doesnt hold me or anything, he says that me crying is annoying. I know that you are all gonna think that I am crazy but I do not want to leave him. For some reason, I cant and I refuse to. Then if he starts to breakup with me, I beg him to stay with me. and he says that he will only if I listen to what he says and do what he tells me to do to make this relationship worth having. I do not have the strength to leave him. And I know that all of you are gonna tell me to. All I want is for him to love me the way I love him, and I want him to cherish me and want to be with me no matter what. And I have to try so hard to make that happen. Now, I have not always been a perfect girlfriend either. I Faked a pregnancy on him,I think in order to get attention, I have lied to him about dumb little things that I shouldnt have lied about. I have NEVER cheated on him though. I kinda wonder whether or not me doing all of those regretful things has changed him into what he has become. When we first started going out, which was 10 months ago he was so wonderful to me. I felt like this was the best relationship I have ever been in. But after we moved in together everything started going down hill. That is when I faked my pregnancy and that is when we started to lie to each other about dumb unimportant things. Do I deserve how he is treating me because of all the stupid things I did to him? Its ok guys you can say it. Or is he just being very mean and controlling towards me? Thank you all, I need a lot of help on this.
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male
reader, no_one_should_feel_that +, writes (8 August 2007):
You dont need to be punished for what you did in the past ... you did it and you know it was a mistake right well then you dont need to be punished for it .... as long as you feel like you know what you did is wrong then it is ok ..... it was just a cry for attention i do it all the time by cutting my wrist ...... i have been legaly baned from all sharp objects.....but i relize i am doing wrong ... but as long as you dont do it again then you shouldnt be punished you just felt at the time that it was nessicary that you did it .... but it is ok dont blame yourself what you did in the past .. cause i bet at the time it was a good idea .... anyway i am still sticking with what i said before ......that if you try talking with him that it might work out bewteen you to ...and if it dont .. then i still say leave .....still wish the best of luck and hope it turns out good for you in the end....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut I feel like I should be punished for lying to him about the pregnancy I just wanna make sure that he isnt taking this thing too far.
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A
male
reader, no_one_should_feel_that +, writes (7 August 2007):
read my name .... i cant really much more i am sorry this is happing to you but i think that you should leave him he shouldnt be controling like that ... i have never made my girlfriend do something that she doesnt want to do .......you could try talking to him bout your relationship together and just get over the feeling of you arent strong enough to talk to him bout it .... you are strong enough ... he just makes you think you can survive without him andi think you can i really do ... and i bet that if you were to leave him then he will ether come to his senses.....or i think that you will find someone you truely love...... and you have to alk to your bf bout these things to improve him you talk in a relationship b/c it makes you feel better and you stuff you both like ....... i give my best wihes and all the luck to you and i hope in the end it will all work out for the better
Male Of 15
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A
female
reader, lillady55  +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Hiya, before your boyfriend treats you with any respect you have to "respect" yourself. Men sometimes try to control their girlfriends to test the boundaries and the more you let them the further they push. Now is the time to stand up for yourself, try not to cry or get upset next time he has a go at you. If you disagree with anything he says, or tells you to do, tell him. At the begining of my realationship i was young and my b.f was older than me, so he used to be quite controllin, but it was beacause i let him. I started to stand up for myself and it soon stopped. The more you give into someone the more they will do it. If you appear stronger (even if you dont feel it) the more he will respect you. You do not DESERVE to be treated this way but before it stops YOU! have to stand up for yourself. Dont tell any more lies and tell him you dont expect him to either. Once he learns to trust you and sees you are stronger it should stop. If for any reason it doesn't, you shouldnt stay with him or you will become worn down and in a few years you wont recognise yourself, you will have no self esteem. I hope this helps. Take care. x
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Hi
I think you probably moved in together a bit too quick? 10 months & already living together?
If you have lied to him, hes probably put a barrier up now. Very hard to knock that down again im afraid.
But once you crumble to someone & start begging them, some people take advantage of that, if they are a bit on the immature side.
It sucks, but some folk will take advantage. He probably now knows he can do anything he wants really & you will put up with it because you cant be without him?
Some guys and girls dont like needy people. It sends them the other way.
He needs to be able to breathe a little. Sounds like thats what hes saying.
Try & have a life away from him as well as with him. You know, the saying, dont put all your eggs in one basket. Have mates you spend time with too.
Hope it works out.
C xxxxx
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