A
female
age
30-35,
*ritishrose
writes:So This is my dilemma I have Been with my boyfriend now a year and a half, a year into are relationship I still hadnt meet his parents and now I can see why I didnt meet them, He was finshing his law course in university and he said if he failed his mother would blame him on putting too much attention on to me so its best we wait until he left university then I could meet them for the first time. So when he did leave there for the first time six months ago I actually meet her and she wasn't very pleasent, she wouldnt even talk to me. I felt so embrassed and little! So I asked my boyfriend why she was like this to me. He said she was upset she didnt know about me for so long so she didnt want to talk to me, which I could understand in ways.But a few weeks ago he told me the real reason and I think I could guess it already, They are very weathly and His mum thinks im after his money, she said some horrible remarks to him like "why are you with her? ","I think she looks like a slut(which im not i've only ever been with him"," and " she is too young for you"also "what do her family earn and so on". This really shocked me and upset me she doesnt even know me and she is pre-judging me, I could understand why she was upset about not knowing me but there wasnt much I could do about the situation I told my boyfriend I really wanted to meet them and I was really exicted I thought they would sort of welcome me with open arms like most people do,My parents are loving open and genrally very welcoming people they never judge by what you have or who you work for,just who you are as a person.Do you think his parents will ever accept me for who I am or do they just care about what I have and what I do?xMany thanks for readingBritish rose x
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female
reader, Britishrose +, writes (7 September 2008):
Britishrose is verified as being by the original poster of the question The advice you guys have given me was really great its much apperciated and made me look at this situation differently, I think gernally as most of you have who have responded to my email have said that most of this is about his mothers issues more so than me, I suppose that I will have to be the bigger person and put on a smile because eitheir way its such a tricky situation although im still asking myself if I should confront my boyfriend about this issue or not because I feel like it will eventually tear us apart . Maybe just letting it rest and not play on my mind could help eitheir way his mother accepting us will have to be on her own terms not mine, I wish everything could just be simple :)
Love
British Rose x
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 You are right to be upset. If his mother really said those things then she must be "new money" and feeling pretty insecure about her own position in life.
I think that your boyfriend is really the only person who has a chance at answering your question and the subsidiary question as to how HE feels about his parents. If his parents are not important to him then you don't need to worry about them too much but if they are important to him then he risks getting torn between you. You need to sit down and have a good talk with him.
Years ago, when I married my wife, who is Chinese, many people, both English and Chinese tried to tell us that we were going to have a tough time because of "cultural differences". The fact is that we have never had the slightest issue with "cultural differences" because those differences are obvious and clear cut. I have seen however many more relationships flounder because of the cultural differences between families of different backgrounds in the UK. Those cultural differences are much more damaging and insidious because people feel that they shouldn't exist or because there are implied feelings of superiority / inferiority. You do need to be careful about the family that you marry into as you'll be stuck with them for a while.
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (7 September 2008):
 Poor you. This must be horrible. I have two friends and their parents are quite wealthy, and while they don't mind who they date at the moment, they've told them 'I don't mind who you marry, as long as they're rich and good looking.'
I don't think they're ever going to accept that you're not as wealthy as them, but over time they'll learn to accept that you're with their son and no situation they provide is going to change that.
Talk to your boyfriend and ask him if he can have a word with them and make sure you and him talk a lot. If you're going to get through their disapproval, you're going to need his support, he's going to need to be your rock.
Don't let it affect you and keep your head up, even if she doesn't talk to you, smile at her and be pleasant. It will make her feel uncomfortable and reconsider what she's doing to you.
Good luck, she sounds like quite a piece of work, nothing is impossible, you've just got to wait for the opportunity to find the solution. x
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