A
female
age
,
*onelynights
writes:my husband used to visit porn sites until i found out [5 years ago]. he nas now put a password on his computer and has become avasive and sly. he sometimes comes to bed a few hours later than me which he never used to do. am i wrong to be suspicious.
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, timetobefree  +, writes (29 September 2007):
He is MOST definitley viewing/using porn again!
First, he installed a password (or changed his password)and he has not told you what it is..RED FLAG.
The second RED FLAG is he periodically is up later than you. And seems secretive.
I have been dealing with this sort of behavior for most of my marriage. We were able to talk about this issue and my feelings about it for awhile, My DH even "stopped" for awhile. Now, I believe that just meant I couldn't find it or he didn't bring it in our home. One night after a fight we had because he did not like the filters that I had on our computer. I was too controlling is what he said. He admitted to me about going to strip clubs on a couple occasions that I had not known about.
Now, My DH has his own laptop, he has a password, but I do know it. I view his history that he misses, and I know what he is doing. He has even started purchasing porn DVD's.
I know I am tired of it, so I am bidding my time. I am finishing my education so I can support myself and my 3 sons. I am paying off some debt and opening a savings account in mine and my sons name. I am also making copies of all of this material he is googling, no matter how vile and repulsed it makes me feel. But I will have the ammo if I need it for court. My DH also has started perusing Craigslist personals for local women's ads.
As another poster brought up, keyloggers are a great tool when you need them for proof. My other computers, I have keylogger installed on them. I know everything he does on my computer. But, I BELIEVE with all my heart to trust your gut!!!!My gut tells me when my DH has been viewing this material, when I check, I am correct (sadly)90% of the time. Eventually, we all have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. This goes for the addict and the partner of the addict. But, we don't need to cut our nose despite our face. I currently am a house mate with him, it is hard to stomach laying in the same bed with him and he thinks he is getting away with it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): It is easy to see if he is visiting these sites, get a keylogger and don't tell him you have installed it, it sends a copy of all the keystrokes and some show pictures to your e-mail, otherwise you can download for free K9 off the internet, that gives you a history of all sites visited. I think for sure that he is hiding from you, otherwise why have a password, the saying goes those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. It is an addiction that is very hard to break and only if they really want to, usually they want their porn and their wives.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): I'm glad that you can talk. Thank you for getting back in touch and i wish you well in the future.
take care
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, lonelynights +, writes (14 September 2007):
lonelynights is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe was addicted to porn, but after 15 months he knew i would leave him. my trust is still not 100% and he does show that he loves me. i have asked him if he is still watching porn and he says no. i do want to believe him but ive got this gut feeling. i did know his password but he has changed it,which makes it worse. he does know that our marriage is over if he visits these sites again. i made that very clear to him but at the moment it isnt helping our relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Talk to him and ask him what the hell is going on! You know him well enough so surely you can ask him if he is looking on porn sites. If he is, then point out that you are not happy with that and ask him to stop. If he continue then i wouldnt be too happy. I would not be very happy with the situation and he doesn't seem to anything to prove your suspicions wrong. Talk to him and find out the truth, then decide what you want to do. Put up or move on.
take care
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Obviously she doesn't want to watch it with him of she has a problem with it. That's like saying if your husband is addicted to crack, why don't you try it with him? He is probably looking at it still & worse since he's protecting the computer. Why don't you sneak up one of these nights & look at what he's doing? A friend of mine did that one night & saw that her boyfriend was looking at gay porn. I would tell him that you're leaving if he thinks this crap is more important than you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Hi there, i hate to say it, but the only time my partner password protected his computer was after i had caught him looking at porn, this was 4 yrs ago. i was suspicious like you and i managed to figue out the password and open the computer what i found was even worse than i had expected, so i don't reccommend doing that. but definatly talk to him and if he is being that sly and avasive i would go with your gut instinct that he is probably still doing it and doesn't want you to find out. if he is anything like my partner he won't stop, to him it was more like an addiction and i could not tell with him when he was lying to me in the end as he got so good at it. as for watching porn with him thats up to you but if you find it a real problem like i did then you have to decide what you need in your life and tell him.good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Hmm, ask him about it. Also, why not try watching it with him?
I used to do that too, my girlfriends solution to the problem was that she had to watch it with me. It's something i consider to be healthy (to OCCASIONALLY look at pornography) for both men, and women.
Also, keep in mind ANYTHING can be addictive, and there have been many cases where men have become addicted to porn, although that's most likely NOT the case.
As for the actual question; there's no clear answer as to what's right or wrong; I just know that I myself would be suspicious too.
...............................
|
