A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm not sure whether to be flattered or scared. I recently got talking to a man who I haven't seen for a long time. I met him once when I was younger and we recently got talking again as we found each other online. He said he was flattered because I remembered who he was after all this time, although I remember most things from my life anyway as I have a photographic memory. He has started flirting with me saying I sound sexy and that he wants to see a photo of me and kept asking if I had a boyfriend and which I havent and he asked why I haven't. He's married though and I am a similar age to his children! He said he hoped what he was saying didn't upset me though.Do you think he's just trying to be friendly and have a laugh,or should I be concerned?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): I'm 26.Just to add,i did mention me being a similar age to his children,and him being a similar age to my mum,and about him being married,and he said he said he felt rejected when i said that.
I was very young when i last saw him.It was so long ago,i cant remember if i had a crush on him back then,it would have been the way a child has a crush on someone,as i was under 18.I remember he kept winking at me alot,and i felt flattered.He also asked me what i wanted to do when i became an adult.Perhaps he thinks i have a crush on him now ?.He was an entertainer,me and my family saw him,and my family requested that he sang a song because i liked it,and he did.
The thing is,i went through a terrible time as a child,and perhaps i see that memory as one that helped to boost my confidence ?.I was bullied alot,i didnt even have my first boyfriend until i was 17 !.Which is old compared to when some people have their first boyfriend.I also went through my parents getting divorced.They are some examples.
Even as i've got older,i have been attracted to much older men.As i said earlier,there are two bachelors i was attracted to on two seperate occassions.Theya re in their 40's now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): He's being inappropriate, and he knows it. Otherwise, he would need to ask if he was saying things that would upset you. You don't owe him anything, so I would just stop communicating with him. You don't even have to give him an explanation.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 March 2009):
 You know what I would do in your situation? I'd try to decide how his wife would react to the way he's been chatting with you. Would she be okay with it?
Your intuition is telling you something's not right here. You know that he's crossed some invisible line and you are uncomfortable with it. How old are you? Okay, you're in your 20s, it's time you know this. Just tell him what you're willing to accept from him in terms of flirty words and personal questions. If you don't want flirting and you don't want him to ask you about boyfriends, just TELL him. He's just another human being. Just because he's older and male doesn't mean you don't have a right to expect and to demand good manners from him.
If you are being treated in a certain way, it's one of two things. Either you are sending the wrong signals, or he's being presumptuous. In both cases, alas, it's up to you to draw the boundaries you are comfortable with. So if you are sending the wrong signals, stop. If you don't want him to be flirty, tell him. If he stops talking to you, well then he WAS inappropriately interested in you. No big loss, frankly.
You set the tone and the pace; don't expect him to read your mind. Be polite, but be firm. "Here's the line, and don't cross it."
I wonder what his wife thinks about this? That would be my litmus test.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): I also wanted to add that he thought i sounded mature for my age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Do you think I should stop talking to him completely? I don't want to, to be honest, but I'm not sure if it will work or not if I tell him to stop the flirting.I've been chatting to one of his children online too, although we've never met, but hope to someday, and I know she would obviously be horrified by this!You know, it's made me wonder if it was my fault in a way, perhaps I'm too nice, or perhaps they have been getting a wrong signals? It isn't the first time I've attracted a much older man either, although the other two I've known were bachelors, with no kids.
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