A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:What do you make of this? My b/f and I have been together only a year when this (single) gal starts working at his office. Suddenly they are going out in the field together a lot and he claims it's for "work". (Funny when her male counterparts held that position, he never went out in the field with them). We had several rows about this chick because I got the feeling she was attracted to him and he enjoyed the attention a little too much. I was very uncomfortable with them being out in the middle of nowhere alone together but my feelings were ignored. My b/f said it was just work and I was being jealous over nothing, yet when I attend office parties,she always acted hurt to see us together. This went on for at least a year then weird things started happening. My car got egged. Our dog got poisoned. One night I surprised my b/f when he was working late, and she showed up in his cubicle very, very late and acted very, very guilty and stammering around there acting weird. She point blank asked me if we were "happy" and played dumb like I didn't know what she was asking. She was stammering and sweating and acting nervous. My b/f said she's nuts and a few weeks later, I heard that my b/f had reported her to his boss for stalking him. I think their little fling went sour. My b/f says she was just a psycho who became obsessed with him. I told him if he hadn't spent so much time out in the field with her, she would not have gotten the wrong idea! Now I don't know what to believe but it's making me sick to think they may have gotten involved and then my b/f backed out and she took the fall. I don't know what to do. No one at his job will tell me the truth, I'm sure they'd all protect my b/f (all men) but I can't shake this feeling that I've been played.
View related questions:
jealous, stalking Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 What I find odd is this. When you raised the red flag earlier, your boyfriend said you were being jealous. Now that the cat is possibly out of the bag, he's shifting the blame to her. There are lots of possabilities here. Maybe he cheated, maybe he didn't. Maybe he liked the attention, flirted and rasied her expectations, maybe he did nothing and she did stalk him.....You see, you may never know. The only thing that would truly give you closure would be for your boyfriend to admit the worst. If he admitted the worst, you'd "accept" that because he would never admit something like that if it wasn't true. That would fulfill your need to be "correct" about this. Anything short of admitting the worst still leaves some unknown pieces of the puzzle. Those unknown pieces paint a million possible pictures that drive you nuts. You wonder about all the scenarios that might have happened behind your back and that makes you feel foolish. People who get caught in these scenarios often try to minimize what they actually did. Sometimes they offer small pieces of the puzzle themselves to see your reaction. If you don't react negatively, they use this as a signal that you're OK with what they've done.
I guess it's possible that he pushed the limits with her. Only htey know for sure. Maybe he didn't though. IF you want to take the positive approach, examin your relationship and ask yourself if there was any reason for him to feel he needed to get attention outside of your relationship. The most difficult part of this is knowing you were possibly correct all along and his refusal to admit it. You feel like you need to prove to him that he was wrong. I have had this frame of mind before and it was driving me crazy. You have to accept that you will only know what he tells you. If you can't accept that, move on.
|
