A
female
age
36-40,
*ena1
writes:Do you think the man who lie about watching porn can lie about other things?I have never thought that my husband lie until I married him. We were in different country before we got married, I knew he was watching porn because he had no women back then. but after I came to USA and get married with him , in the second week of our marriage I found out that he was watching porn and that because I was looking at computer history by mistake I told, You were watching porn, He denied and when I told him it was in the history. then he told me that must be old before you come. well,I told him NO it is not old because of the date, then he told me that he doesn't remember.From that time he started erasing the history. we had big fight because of this, I told him that he always watch porn when I am not home or when he goes to the bathroom. but he denied and he made me look foolish.and he always try to make his self innocent and make me feel guilty.He always tells me that I don't have proof for what I say.by the way we are new married couple and we barely have sex. he watches his porn lot .I dont know why he does that. do you think because he comes tired from work and he doesn't feel like dealing with me especially that he never made me cum.Well, even sex with him is boring because he doesnt do thing I like, he is always tired. I came to the point I dont care about having sex with him too.What is hurting me is that he was giving me headache before we get married and now he is careless. and what is hurting me the most is that he lies about it which made me untrusted him.I am thinking about setting a camera in the room and film him while I go out just to show him the prove. because I am pretty sure he watches porn as soon as I get out.Do you think this is normal? do you think a man who lie about watching porn can lie about other things? do you think recording him is a good idea to prove his lies?Thanks for your help in advance.
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female
reader, lena1 +, writes (2 October 2009):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Lola.
Well,I talked to him before about this,I told him why he is not active as before,his answer when he did not have job(he is too stressed out because there is no work he doesnt think about sex).Ok ,i understood then,and I knew he was masturbating back then.
and when he started working (his excuse now he is too tired from work )and also there is another famous excuse is that I have big mouth which makes him dont even think of sex).
Well,I am tired of excuses.he always tells me we have to put you on pill.but he never took me to a doctor.anyway what is the purpose of taking pill if there is no sex?
I am so sorry to give you headache with my stupid problems.this just stress me out because he is hiding it and lie about it.
like one time he asked me to have sex ,and I told him I don't feel like it,he told me what am I suppose to do now,I told him watch porn ,then his answer was I have wife and I go watch porn.I told him is that new you always does that,but he denied again and the only time he watches it is only with me(which is lie).
I asked him If he has addiction to porn,his answer was;are you crazy??.
he is great guy ,he has a good heart ,but sometimes I feel like I am living with my brother .I have never thought I will have such feeling with him.
also we had some problem before because of his mom,she is living with us now,I think that might causes his carelessness.
I thought men are active in their new years of marriage but obviously I was wrong.
the funny thing I watch TV and I find men complaining about their wives about this things,and here I am the one complaining.
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (2 October 2009):
 This clarification softens my opinion a bit. It is possible that he has a porn addiction, but it isn’t something I know a whole lot about. Speak to a family doctor, go on the birth control pill and ask about porn addictions; get a referral to find out more information. Having said that, this situation doesn’t mean he HAS an addiction.
If sex is not enjoyable for you, he is not flexible and you are not judgemental about his performance, then you will not obtain an orgasm and it is not your fault. Again, the female orgasm is easiest to achieve as a team effort.
You will need to tell your husband that for whatever reason (don’t mention porn again) he appears unwilling to work with you on the issue of improving your sex life. You are not prepared to leave things as is. You are a woman with a healthy sex drive and the status quo does not work for you.
If there are ways that can help him feel less tired, would are flexible, but you alone can not be expected to make all of the compromises. Marriage is a TEAM effort.
There may be things on his mind; things he feels uncomfortable sharing with you yet. Do not lose hope. Marriages (as is true of all relationships) can go throw difficult periods, but they do not have to last forever. Different circumstances change the dynamics of a marriage. Are there new children in the picture? Have they (while they are very much loved) put an additional strain on finances?
If he is willing to work with you, you can both come up with a solution that works for everyone. If he is unwilling to work with you, you have some things to think about. Feel free to come back to talk more.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lena1 +, writes (2 October 2009):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks every one for the answer.
Yes,it hurts Little when I know he is watching porn instead of coming to me,but the most thing hurt is that he denied doing it.
I know that men need to be alone sometimes,but not most of the time,which makes me think there is something wrong.
I sit with him and I talked to him about it I told him it is OK if he is watching it ,every man does that ,just don't lie to me.but he kept insisting that he doesn't watch it.
I asked him for sex before and he turned me down(which made me never asked him again),and that might sound crazy ,but that just made me not able to say it again.
before when he use to ask me,I never turned him down.but after hurting my feeling,I started doing the same from time to another.
I watch with him porn if he wants too ,I am not from the outmoded people,I like seeing and doing new things.
Well,what s making me crazy is how much he was giving me headache about sex before and now when he can have it he doesn't care anymore.
he makes me not think of him sexually.
and even when we have sex he likes to stay in one position because he is always tired or his knees hurt,and I dont really enjoy that position,and when I asked him to do the position I like ,almost of time he doesn't want to because either he is tired or he doesn't want to because that will make him cum(and I am not on pill).
anyway,I have never blamed him about me not cumming,I have never made him feel bad about it.
Well ,I think I have never orgasm because he doesn't do things I like and that makes me feel good.
I asked him before, why he has lack of interesting about have sex,he said who is going to think about sex with tired body,well ,don't you think a person who cant think about sex should think about jerking off?
what is crazy here,we are not even a year married and he is watching porn so much and we have sex like 3 times a month ,sometimes once,what will happen after a 3 years?
I cant talk to him anymore,because even when I do he denied .I don't know what to do.
I told him many time you are lucky I am not from teh people who cheat,If you were with other women ,I am sure she is going to be cheating on you.
before we got married ,I thought our sex life will be great,but I am deeply disappointed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): Of course he will lie about other things if he lies about this. He has no respect for you or any woman for that matter, his use if porn is proof of that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): I think filming him is a really bad idea...How humiliating is that to have someone filming you when your jerking off?
Your husband could very well be developing an addiction to porn, which would explain why he prefers watching and jerking to actual human contact. It's possible, but only he would know for sure if that is the case.
You can learn more about it at npsupport.net There was never a time in history like now, where grown men would rather be with themselves than with a real live woman. It seems to be becoming epidemic as you can read another sad tale on this board almost every single day.
I hope this is not the case for you :(
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 It's not uncommon. Most men if they are honest will watch porn, whether it be on tv channels or computer. Why don't you set some time out together, set the scene, and dress sexy, then watch it with him. Some people like to enhance their sexual experience now and again to make their love life more exciting. If you think this will be too much for you to bear, then you must either turn a blind eye or put up with his lies. I wouldnt go so far as to say he is lying about other things. He's probably hiding the truth about this because he feels inadaquate. You can make him feel better about himself then one day he may turn to you more and not the internet. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (1 October 2009):
People sometimes lie. That doesn't mean they will lie about everything. He is lying because he may feel ashamed or that you will not understand him, and clearly he would be right.
Someone may say, "You look great!" if they haven't seen you in a while, even if you look the same as you always do. That doesn't make them untrustworthy or liars.
Sexual Intimacy in a marriage is an extension of Emotional Intimacy, of which your "union" if devoid. Monitoring his internet use and filming him secretly are abhorrent behaviours. He's a big boy. Who cares if watches porn? Leave him alone. I watch porn WITH my boyfriend; email him graphic images sometimes, telling him about what I want to do when I see him next. It’s fun! :-)
Pornography doesn't judge him, blame him, nag him or leave him feeling like a poor lover. If he changes his mind about viewing porn and decides to read a book instead, porn’s feelings aren't hurt.
Try talking to him about what is lacking in your sexual intimacy. Just a plain old open and honest communication about what you like and how to improve your sex lives. Do not be accusatory. Do not place blame. Do not fault him for your lack of orgasms (they come only when a couple works together - it is not his job alone). Be prepared to hear things you do not want to hear and lead by example. React the way you want him to react when you tell him something that is difficult to hear.
Do not be baited into an argument. Use your compassion to understand that if he phrases things in a hurtful manner it is because HE is hurting.
Marriage is a life-long commitment. The quality of a marriage is measured by how well couples overcome obstacles, not by the avoidance of them, or who can prove they are right!
If you apply some understanding and compassion and leave him alone when and if he watches porn, your sex life should improve.
Afterall, is it more important to be right or to be happy?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 October 2009):
A man who can lie about that, can lie about anything. However, everyone lies at some point. A lot of men watch porn because it's a visual aid and men prefer visual aids. He may have naively thought that he was protecting you. I' not sure recording him is a great idea, because if you start doing that, then the trust is going to quickly disappear. I suggest that you just talk to him about how you feel when he does watch it.
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A
female
reader, paddys wife +, writes (1 October 2009):
well i have never met a man yet who admits to watching porn or using working girls ,but on the basic of demand and supply there must be a lot of liers out there ,so yes your husband is one of them ,but do you realy need to proof it ,its more important to find out why he seems to prefere fantacy to the real thing wth you ,you might need some help with this
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