A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, Do you think a longterm monogamous relationship is a realistic hope to have in modern society? I'm asking because my bf of 1.5yrs has been making hints about marriage, and it made me wonder if anyone out there actually manages a happy marriage with no cheating and with ongoing sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction within that partnership - what do you think? I think modern society makes it so easy to cheat (through Facebook, sexting, cybersex, etc) and to feel ok about it...but maybe I'm just cynical? Thanks ^.^
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male
reader, unclezak  +, writes (26 October 2011):
Yes it is. Every relationship has its ups and downs but there are plenty of young ppl in long term monogamous relationships. Religious folk are quite good at this.
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 October 2011):
It isn't technology that makes cheating easier, the reason cheating happens, and marriages (and relationships) fail is because people are a lot more selfish than they used to be. People think about themselves first, about what they need and want, rather than aspire to something other than themselves.
Look at any cheaters, they will always have a reason for cheating, it is about them, and their needs. Love is not about selfishness, it is about caring for your partner above your own 'needs'.
If you share the same ideals about the future and what it takes for a relationship to last then, yes, your relationship does have a realistic hope to survive the test of time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): Yes it is possible to have a happy marriage without cheating, it takes hard work like any relationship. I believe the secret is being honest with each other working together and being open about what you expect out of the marriage. That being said I don't think marriage is a necessary for people to have a happy life together, but if both people want marriage it can definitely work.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Relationships, sure. Plenty of folks do. I don't think marriage helps, though. Frankly, can you think of even one situation where a couple would have failed (by which I mean either broken up, or stayed together miserably) but for marriage? On the other hand, marriage means that any breakup which does happen becomes a legal battle, and can even pose an incentive to break up, especially for the woman who stands to gain control of the kids and half the stuff.But a relationship? Yeah, it can happen, as long as you recognize there will be bad days, even bad weeks, and you're willing to work at them. Even if you were literally the only couple on earth never to cheat or give up on being happy, that would still be your choice and entirely in your control, whatever society thought was normal.Stay with your boyfriend, enjoy it, and remember that your doubts about society don't matter, only your doubts about yourself - all of which you can conquer, if you choose to.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Of course. It is totally realistic, so long as you really take on board the vows. They aren't just something to say and forget about. The 'for better for worse' bit is important. And yes, you can look upon your relationship as a kind of life's work ... yes, yes, you will have moments of doubt, you will get annoyed, you will wonder whether you should have been with someone else (maybe) ... but if you tick the following boxes with this guy, you will have as good a chance as any to make it last:- you laugh together- you can tell him everything- you feel relaxed with him- he is kind to you and genuinely cares how you feel- you are able to talk sensibly about practical things like money- you have future plans together- he is there for you even when you have a bad day- whatever happens, you don't take it out on each other - you are always on each other's side- it is easy to be with him, and a pleasure- all the other men in the room are in black and white, and only he is in colour- the sex is something that is intense and beautiful, and you don't have to work at it - he turns you on pretty much whatever he does (even when he is ill)- he doesn't have to do anything to be beautiful to youIf you have all of that, hey, you have all the right ingredients. You should also have no major differences of opinion or plan (eg, he wants kids, you don't) - because this will split you up at some point for 100% sure. But if you have all the above, and generally the same kind of plan for life, then you have everything.Having said that, I am slightly concerned that you ask whether it is possible to be monogamous, as if it isn't. Monogamy is a choice. You decide. Facebook is only a tool. Use it wisely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): Sure. People just need to be prepared for what they are getting in to. I feel a lot of people in this day and age rush in to marriage very early or without knowing whats going to happen and thats why we have such high divorce rates atm...Although my parents married after 18 days of dating and are together for 28 years now and are still totally happy and in love, so who knows?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2011):
 With all the gadgets and stuff, I'm thinking that it's actually harder in this day and age to cheat at least as far as concealing the cheating goes.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 It is a realistic hope because there are no better alternatives, such as open relationships. As much as people want to fool themselves into believing they are over jealousy and invent terms like impersion, it's all wishful thinking and phony. Kids with both parents there receive better grades in school. I think people have to be realistic about what a marriage is. It is hard work. It is understanding that life can be painful and that intimacy and bliss can be a rare thing to be cherished. It can be easy to cling to a perfect version of a person that never changes. For example, a couple with good sex at the beginning may be surprised to find out that after a baby is born the mother or the father loses sex drive temporarily because of hormones. Love transforms a person and if you love him and her you support these changes. There are books such as sex at dawn telling you about anthropology about how humans work and how unnatural monogamy is. So can the author please tell me what the solution is? People still get married. People still get jealous. People still get support and help from family members. We are not cavemen and through love we can control these primal instincts.
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