A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I just got out of a 2 year relationship. The guy I was with claimed to truly be in love with me and even proposed to me this past October. We have gone through ALOT during those 2 years. 2 weeks ago we broke up for 3 days and he tells me that I'm the one and professes his love for me. Then 2 days ago we get into a MAJOR argument and he takes it all back and says that he needs his space. The argument was basically about the fact that he feels as though he has truly messed up in the relationship and now that he's trying to fix things nothing he feels as though he does is making it any better. i have told him time and time again that it will take time to get us back on the right track and it's hard for me to trust him right now. (That's the nice version, the argument ended up ALOT more nasty then that!!) I said ok just come and get your things. He lives in the same apartment building as me and even on the same floor but for the last 2 days he kept making excuses about coming to get his belongings. So I finally decided to leave him alone and mail his stuff to him. During our relationship we have been closer than close to each other but there was cheating that went on earlier in the relationship done by him not me. This is a guy who has and had alot of options but I have been his only girlfriend and the only one he has ever brought around his family. I'm wondering if anyone thinks that he will ever call me to reconcile or will he leave me alone forever? I truly love him but I REFUSE to call him since he said he needed space. So I really want to know if you guys think he will ever attempt to contact me?
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female
reader, lawgirl +, writes (5 March 2009):
I'm going through a similar situation right now where it was the other person that messed up, we broke up, and he has not called me since. It hurts because you feel like he doesn't care about you especially considering the problems have been igniting from a wrongdoing that he did in you alls relationship. When someone messes up big time (such as cheating) in a relationship and they really want the relationship to work they will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make things right. He has to rebuild back your trust which is definitely going to take some time and he needs to be willing to stick it through that. He has to realize that he is on your time with your feelings and should respect that. If he leaves because he thinks you should get over it quicker and things go back to normal the next month,then let him leave. I am realizing now that sometimes we try to hold on to people that God is really trying to tear us apart from. It hurts, and you'll miss him and even think you made a mistake by "not being understanding". But you have been and pain like that takes time and he has to live with that. All of those feelings will slowly dwindle and you will find someone who treats you better than you can ever imagine. Those feelings are just a part of the break up process and just because you miss being with someone doesn't mean that you made a mistake with how you handled things or that the person is the one that you are supposed to be with. Be strong and let him deal with his own crap. Don't give yourself the responsibility of quickly adhering to behavior that he thinks you should adhere to when he is the one that messed up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Ok first of all if you live in the same building then why mail his stuff? Just drop it off. And all relationships have hitches, it's normal you are both human. I wouldn't give up on him just yet. If you truly are in love with him then figure out a way to make it work. I wouldn't shut him out though. You said he is on the same floor as you, right? Take the initiative and go over there. Tell him that you dont feel right about the way things ended and that now you both had a chance to cool off so could he please talk to you. If you want to save this relationship you will have to put forth the effort too.
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