A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi !I met this sweet christian girl on the internet from a different country last May and by Sept we realized that we were madly into each other, though we never have never met till date ! .It was decided that she would come over to my city and we would go travelling together but due to some unforcasted circumstances I wasnt able to make it.But during that period she had arrived and decided to go travelling with her female friend (let's call her X) who had friends in my country.During one of their visits at X's friends place , my gal got drunk over wine(she avoids alchohol) and realizing no one else in the room one of X's local friends ended up having sex with my girl, inspite of repeated protests from her side ( as told by her to me !) and now he is threatening my girl that he would disclose this incident to everyone unless she marries him !.She claims that she was not able to realize what was happening to her under the influence of wine and she eventually ended up playing her part in the act .She told me this incident almost 6 mnths later ( now !) when we are contemplating marriage and a life together !...she feels that I should know everything about her and that she doesnt want to hide anything , But this has caused me great distress that inspite of the fact that she has been honest I feel that I trusted her with all I had and she let me down .You may call me old fashioned if you want but I have preserved myself for the past 29 yrs! and she claims that she has been a virgin herself for 25 yrs and that she also believing in my principle of sex as a symbol of love rather than an animal passion.This thought has been making me uncomfortable and she even told that I could walk out if I wanted as I was finding it difficult to get it out of my system ,but I guess I love her a bit too much so finding it difficult .Do you feel she's a keeper? Someone who can mother my kids and raise a family ?Shes a Libran and I am a piscean !Kindly advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): I tend to agree with Lazy-Guy. The story is a little "far". I also suspect this may be a test on her part. I strongly dislike 'tests' of this nature in a relationship. I, myself, would drop her immediately if I knew that was the case. It always means she will be 'testing' you again and again. Women like this are very insecure and cannot seem to help themselves. However, she may be being perfectly honest and open, so don't take my susicions as a rule. I would let things progress and see what else she has to say over a period of time, but do not think seriously of marriage until you have met her in person. Long distance is rarely an adequate means for knowing anyone.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 mmm, what happened to her is called rape, so why didn't the police get involved?
You would also need to consume a great amount of wine to become intoxicated to become unable to defend yourselve OR make enough noise to be heard throughout the house. Shouldn't she be old enough to know better then become drunk in front of strangers?
Just how much wine did this woman of 25 who claims to avoid alcohol drink anyway?
There are holes in her story but I am a suspicious bastard.
I think she agreed to the sex but is unwilling to face the consequences. How you deal with that is your choice, but from what you are writing I wouldn't believe her side of the story completly.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 Bless her heart, the poor thing - she has TOLD you what happened. She could have just kept it secret, but she's told you, and effectively opened herself entirely to you with this horrid story. Yes, it is sordid, it is nasty, the 'friend' who did it wants shooting, but I think the very fact that she's been open with you and finally plucked up courage to tell you shows you that she trusts you, and that you can trust her.
How suitable she would be at having babies with you and raising a family has nothing to do with this apart the fact that it gives you an example of how much she loves you, and how she trusts you with even her worst secrets. The nature of the 'act', as it were, can't be counted as how she thinks about sex because it was not her choice to have sex. She was pretty much raped by the sound of it - she deserves sympathy more than anything else, I think. I know you've saved yourself, but she has too, really - she has never had real sex, with someone she loves - that will be with you.
I think you should respect her for this, completely forgive her, tell her never to think of it again, that you love her, and want to marry her.
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