A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship for 4 years, and now we went our separate ways. I am 32 and I feel like my option in finding a lifetime partner and have a family shrunk tremendously over these 4 years. My ex was only a year older than me, now I get an attention from guys who are closer to 40, or even more. For me it's a bit too old. Though I am not particular on age but so far the 40 years old that I met look and feel too old for me to date. Also, most of them are divorced and have children from previous marriages and I don't want to deal with it. Guys my age are looking at 25 years old girls. Or even younger. I am it saying that I don't have time to have kids, but it is kind of pressuring me. At 32 I don't even have a boyfriend. A friend of mine also has a similar story. She was 35 when she got married, but then she had some fertility issues, and by the time she started getting treatments she was already 37, now at 38 she can't get pregnant and they have issues with her husband about that. Anyone else feel this way that when you passed 30 your options are much smaller than they were when you were still in your 20s?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): Though it is true what you said about Being kind of in between, there are MANY of us Who are not looking for a younger model. I am in my mid30s and i am not looking for a 25 year old. Also i was never married and never had any kids. Many guys your age or just a bit older looking for a life partner. We are looking for someone to live with, not to party. We want someone with the same life experience, not a just college graduate. Being on your 30s for guys also takes many options away. Women our age mostly married, with children. Among my friends there are only 2 of us who are not married and everyone are trying to match us. 20 something girls are still dancing in clubs and looking for purpose in life. Older women have grown children or children and don't want any more. I think being in your 30s has difficulties for both genders.
A
female
reader, Tiree  +, writes (22 October 2014):
Hi ya,
I kinda feel the same as you & have the same fears as you, I have just became single again after another failed relationship at 33 yrs old. AND most of my friends & family are married or/& have children & I'm really the only one left out of my main group that is single with no children. BUT.... I'm looking at the positives.... I have a friend who's been married with child, then divorced & now in a new relationship with new child at 37. So at least we or I hav'nt had the heartache of divorce & all the complications that can come with it. I'm NOT saying ALL divorces are bad but anyone I know hasn't had an easy time of it.
I now feel myself contemplating what now? Probably what YOUR thinking! Back to trolling dating websites trying to find a good one, I don't know about you but I find it real hard to meet anyone otherwise.. I've not had the best experience of dating sites, so far anyway...
I have also found the same as you in the past' guys our age seem to be going for the younger model AND I have found the same with dating older guy's, that they have so much baggage that it's hard to deal with coming from a no baggage background...
I'm not really answering your question am I? I'm kinda just relating to you & your situation.
I don't know if you feel this way, but people I do know that are in relationships with their partner that has kids and/or marriage from a previous relationship, I think 'how can they cope with that?' I dunno if this is very pc because I know thousands upon thousands do it & are extremely happy but I kinda think 'I want my man do go through child birth & marriage for the first time with me!' The thought of him having all these first time experiences with someone previous would maybe take the shine off of my first experience. I dunno maybe that is just me but I do think that. But the older we are getting maybe I should grow up a little and realize that the majority of guys either our age or older have been or are still married & have kids. But again even writing it, I would struggle to date all that baggage... I Suppose every situation is different.
So, what should we do? what should we do? We should maybe take Baby Doll's advice & date someone who is not our usual type. Maybe taking the pressure off ourselves that ok! we're older but much, much wiser & know (well! should know) exactly what we want out a relationship & refuse to settle for anything less. Perhaps take the pressure off trying to find it & kinda live & hope it will come to us naturally...
I can relate hun as I'm going through the same & I agree our options have definitely at least halved since our 20s... But!! we're fabulous all the same! :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): The majority of people these days say that life and relationships really start at 30.
The only one close off your options is you, you can date anyone you want, whether they're older, younger or the same age, their are people looking for someone like you.
Don't look at this as a negative, be open to new ideas, accept people for who they are and give them a chance. Take a risk every now and then and go on a date with someone that might not necessarily be your type in terms of your opinion. You might surprise yourself.
Sure, fertility starts to become a limited the older you get, but you've still got time. You're only 32. Don't rush it and don't jump into having children when you're not 100% ready, you said it yourself that you don't want them right now.
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