A
male
age
41-50,
*nknownguy313
writes:Hello Everyone,Hope everyone is well? So a couple of weeks ago I asked for some advice. {Moderator note: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-accept-i-cant-be-with.html}The responses I got were nice... really nice. I decided to act upon the responses and I sent her a letter the day after. I heard nothing from her...Then yesterday, out of the blue, she contacted me. She phoned and when her number came up on my phone I thought I was imagining things. I never answered. I thought it was maybe a mistake. Then she called me again. I answered this time. Before I could really say very much she started to totally break her heart to me crying on the phone. Telling me her life was a mess since we broke up. Just to give you a little background she has 2 children from her marriage. She is now divorced. She 'claimed' that her ex-husband had spoken about taking the kids 'full time' as she wasn't coping and he had spoken to 'people' to start the proceedings. I tried to calm her down. I asked her to meet me for coffee, she first said 'No' then she said she'd think about it. We were on the phone for about an hour to each other. She kept on going on about how I messed things up and how couldn't I have stayed the guy she fell in love with. That she couldn't move on with her life. I told her my life was the same. That things were a mess for me too, and she got even more upset saying it wasn't just about me. It was about her and the kids and I told her I knew that, and that I loved her as much as I ever have and that I loved her kids as though they were my own. I told her how much they all meant to me.Now I've had a chance to digest things I don't know what to make of it to be honest. I feel like I am at a crossroads. I'm sorry if I'm sounding all mushy, but it's like we can't live without each other. After her telling me her life is a mess and that my life is the same is it that we simply just need to be together? To try and work things out? I want to try to be rational though, or am I over-analyzing? Is this healthy? Because if we can't bear to be without each other then how do we deal with that? Is it quite simply that we are 'soul-mates', each others 'one true love'? When we are together and things are good we absolutely adore one-another, but when we argue it's bad. I don't want that anymore. I don't want the badness anymore. I haven't heard anything from her since yesterday. Do I meet her for coffee and take it from there? I worry that we will end up in bed together and that's not going to solve anything. Do we bring closure and agree to go our seperate ways. I don't want our lives to be like this. Things are such a mess. I never wanted this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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broke up, divorce, fell in love, her ex, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 June 2013):
 What you've really described is two people who - individually - have screwed up lives... and who - paired-up - have FOUR TIMES as much screwed up lives.
WHY would you want to consider resurrecting/restarting such a pathetic and doomed-to-failure situation??????
Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): Her life is a mess and her marriage issues will only add more stress to any relationship you attempt to create at this time.It is not true that people can't live without each other; that is a load of bull. You have to be able to deal with your own life issues; before you further complicate things by dragging another poor soul into a turbulent situation.She and her ex-husband still have unresolved issues; and they are escalating. Her life is a mess? So do you have a cure?She needs empathy, encouragement, and moral support. She can get that from friends and family; as well as from you. If her ex-spouse is able to gain full-custody of their two children; then he must have a heck of a case against her. Courts rarely separate children from their biological mothers. Red-Flag! Why should she be worried?Your life is apparently entangled. This will start to affect your health, concentration, work performance, and overall mental health. So you both need to get a grip on reality, come down to earth, and deal with your perspective personal issues. This is no time to start, or continue, a volatile relationship. You're not teenagers. She should be focusing on keeping her children. I also sense a bit of a manipulator and a drama queen.If you enjoy over-dramatization and chaos, then you've got it.I think you need to get as far from this situation as you can.
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