A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Guys who hit on me are in most part a few years older (7 and over) or a few years younger... Don't get me wrong. I don't have an issue with dating guys with a few years of difference in age (i prefer 3 to 5 years older though), what's more important is if personalities and interests are compatible. What I am getting sick of is the type of guys I keep attracting though. I'm not a "sexy babe". I'm of discrete and pleasant nature, always dressing in a simple conservative manner (dark skinny jeans, tee shirt and cardigan basically - never cleavage, skin etc). I think what these guys are attracted to is my petite frame and asian heritage: I look younger than I am, cute/innocent/vulnerable (but I don't act girly - I am serious and shy). People tend to think I'm between 20-24 when they first meet me (I'm 27). I recently was creeped out at a party by this guy reaching the end of his thirties (If I'm being nice). He was clearly trying to hit on me (when he actually had a more "age appropriate" date - and she seemed already into him) and was trying to rub himself against me while dancing. And then another guy that was in his early thirties was chatting with me but I could see that he wanted more and he became frustrated when I didn't reciprocate his advances. Then I found some nice/non-threatening guys to talk to instead (the girl-guy ratio was very unbalanced) and kind of hit it off with one of them. But what usually happens is that when I date a "nice" guy... What usually happens is that I feel that they put me on a pedestal, (and because they sometimes lack a bit of self confidence) they end up sabotaging the relationship because they tend to become controlling and insecure. This a little bit the same for the younger guys, but they tend to lack maturity and end up getting on my nerves.I wouldn't mind dating older men who are abit more mature and confident but I suspect that those are usually creeps with some kind of youth/teens fetish (that's my impression because they usually think im in my early twenties and I can sense that they want a "special" type of friendship before they even know my real age). As I'm writing, I realise that I just need to take my time and not try to rush in a relationship (I just want to be single for now and enjoy myself), however the guys that I meet and with whom I want to get to know (build a friend relationship first) usually want more than just friendship and want to make things happen way too quickly for my taste. I'd love to have some opinions/experiences dealing with this and how could I maybe get different types of responses from guys compared to the "cute innocent asian" vibe I apparently give off....
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confidence, insecure, older men, petite, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 June 2013):
 I don't think it has to do with what race you are. When you dress modestly men feel you are easy to approach. You have to be clear about what kind of friendship you want, what you would be doing with them. Join an activity group so there is a focus in the friendship.
The way you wrote and how you want to take things slow with guys show that you don't give an innocent Asian vibe. There isn't any particular type that a "regular nice guy" is attracted to so there is no need to work hard at that something that's so elusive. The only thing you do is keep on rejecting wrong guys, and pick the one that suits you best. Passive doing also means accepting that the world has a lot of losers than you want to admit. Dating today is not like your parents' generation, when it was supposed to be innocent like you said. The gap between players and insecure "nice guys" keep getting wider, I think. The middle, which is the regular nice guy, it's like where are they?
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