A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for 7 years with someone I fell head over heels for in college. He was my first proper relationship and at 18. I thought I had found the one. Things progressed really quickly and after college we moved back home which is about 3 hours apart.After a couple of years he moved in with me, and got a job. The problems started when we were hardly seeing each other as we both worked shift work, and he spent a majority of his weekends back home with his friends. We argued a lot, about money, him not having the drive to find a job he enjoyed, chores, everything. He was messy, lazy and just seemed content to live off cash his parents gave him, and would look at porn as I didn't want sex as much as he wanted. It got to the point where I told him I was unhappy, he then quit his job and unable to find something else moved back to his parents to study and do odd jobs.We see each other most weekends, and I love him but I don't feel like we have a future anymore. He says he wants to spend a couple of years at home while he studies and we stay LD, and had made this decision without any input from me. I'm unhappy as I feel like he's basically put my life on hold, I want to settle down, have children, go on nice holidays but we can't do this until after, and we don't even have a plan for after.I like it when he comes around, he's really caring and affectionate. But during the week we hardly talk, and when I mentioned again I was unhappy that he made this life choice without me, we both mentioned we had wondered if it would last. I have a home, a great job and friends here, so I wouldn't move for him. He lacks the drive to push himself. I'm worried I'm no longer attracted to him.I'm torn as I love him and we did talk of marrying and babies once, but now we're struggling from living together to not. He could have tried harder to find a job to help support himself here, and seems to rely on his parents for everything. We have completely different sex drives but he really is my best friendSorry if this sounds really confused, i feel that if I break up with him I will regret it, but I can't see a future (with him in it) any more. His family love me, and would be devastated if we broke up. Through it all, he is my closest friend and this would rip him apart but I don't know if I can do this anymore. Any advice would be much appreciated xxx
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best friend, broke up, money, moved in, no longer attracted, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (27 June 2016):
 I am writing mostly because this post had only one answer. The answer was good and the Original poster has not made any follow up, but just in case she is still out there looking for more help here is my take on the situation.
You are not compatible with him. You have differing sex drives and that has already brought conflict and porn into the relationship. you are not sexually compatible. He wants more and different sex than you are willing to give. He will never be truely happy with what you offer, and if you were to offer what he wants you would not be happy.
You are not financially compatible. You want more vacations and homes and children than he can provide for. Weather it is the fault of his upbringing or his attitudes doesn't matter. You will not be happy with what he has to offer and if he did work harder and earn more he would not be happy.
Your families are not compatible. The values you grew up with and embrace are not the values he has. He wants to be close to his family and you want to be away from them. There is no place you can live that will make both of you happy.
I'm sorry to be such a downer, but based on your telling of the story, I don't see you two as a very good match. Don't give up hope. You do have a 100% track record of choosing the wrong guy, but on the bright side, your streak of losers is only at one. There are a lot more options for you to explore and more people to meet.
You probably will resist the idea of a break up. To encourage you I'd like to point out how you have felt with the choices he has made. He is not making you happy.
FA
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 June 2016):
 You are probably at an age now where you want to settle down get married and have children, and well the short version is he doesn't, he wants to live at home with his parents where he has no bills and no responsibilities. Even though you both might be the same age I think that you both want different things. Yes you might love him, but after being with him for so long is long distance enough for you? Especially giving the fact he did not discuss it with you. That shows it self that he is thinking of himself as one person and not as part of a couple. I think you need to both have a serious talk and come to a conclusion, because you don't want to look back in five years time and be eventually living together and not getting on because he is lazy and has no drive to succeed in life.
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