A
female
age
41-50,
*edrockBMW
writes:My guy and I have been together for 5 years. We've had our share of problems, including running a business together that ended up going under and him doing something stupid out of drunken anger which almost put him in jail. Both of these things happened at the same time and cause major issues in our relationship. He would stay out late drinking trying to deal with facing years in prison on top of all types of other things and everything he went through, I went through also because we have that connection.Long story short, we fought through all of that and at this point we are back on our feet. He was found not guilty, he's self-employed again, and I'm just about at a point were I feel comfortable going self-employed myself. He no longer drinks except for a glass of wine at night here and there and any of the other long list of negatives have been put to an end. We are down to one car between us and for the most part we work with that because his schedule can be fitted around mine. All and all, we feel blessed to have gone through what we did and still have each other.Now, the one-car situation is causing both of us to feel like we're joined at the hip. Not only do we live together, but he has to drop me off whenever I have to go to work. So spending "quality time" together is non-existent. He feels like we spend enough time together since we have to be together in the house and he has to drive me everywhere. I feel like if we plan out a special evening and change the environment (rent a hotel room some place nice or just go to dinner), then we'd get that quality. Also the other thing that suffered was our sex life. We do nothing and haven't done anything for 2 years. A year of that time was during the unsure times when we didn't know if he would go to prison and when we didn't know how we were going to eat due to the business going under (that was our only source of income).So basically my problems are that he goes to the sports bar to watch sports and we don't do anything intimate. I wouldn't mind the sports bar thing so much if I had the option to join him or if we had a 2nd car so that I could go to my own sports bar. The sex thing is a whole other story.I don't feel like he's cheating on me. I really don't. I think I could sense it. But I just don't know what would make a guy feel like he can't make love to me but he can make me feel like we are always going to be together and that we were meant to be. We hardly talk about it because I don't know how to approach the subject without smothering him more than he already feels, and the few times he brings it up he says that it's not going to last forever and that mentally all of those things we went through had him messed up.Do we need to talk it out or could something else be going on?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): He has a drinking problem which will resurface in the next week to year. You need to get some independence and not rely on him to take you places. This has been an excuse to stay in a relationship that is unsatisfying and one that will get increasingly more so. Take some space from him by living your own life free from the constraints of forced travel. Start enjoying yourself again. Sex is important and the lack of it signifies problems. Tell him what you want if you haven't already and if you have tell him again. If he can't or won't reciprocate love then don't stay in a relationship so obviously devoid of the crucial component... love. Treat yourself in the long run with a little pain in the short. Harden up and start living.
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