A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I were together for nearly three years. We broke up a couple of months ago when I found out he'd lied and cheated- not once, but many times. But now I am thinking about giving him another chance- things were good in the last year. And whatever he did was one year ago! Trusting him again would be very difficult. Am I just plain crazy to even be considering this? IS there some hope for him?
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male
reader, xylplxym  +, writes (10 December 2007):
I really don't think you should give him a second chance so easily. It is quite natural to feel attatchment to an ex especially if you go out for a long time. However you need to realize that he wasn't so crazy about you then so why would he be now?
I think this also has to do with the nature of our relationship. Was it sexual? If it was then its pretty likely that he is playing nice just to have sex again. This ould also explain why you would still feel attatchment enough to him to even consider taking him back. If it wasn't then it is still just as likely that he is only acting nice but would still cheat on you if you got back together. You really didn't include a lot of necessary information to answer this question. Did he ever apologize? Did he actually mean it? And what exactly do you mean things have been "good" this year?
But most of all it seems to me that you were and are more inerested in him than he is in you. You would be wise to leave someone like that as well as that kind of relationship behind.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): People do change, but not quickly or easily. I think it would be very risky to trust him again and if you can't trust him it wouldn't be much of a relationship. The problem is, he is likely to think that if you take him back you are so besotted by him that you will forgive him anything. So the chances are high that he would again betray you.
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A
female
reader, Kouture +, writes (10 December 2007):
 I don't think that you are crazy for considering it , but if there is no trust , there is no relationship. You deserve complete honesty and in my opinion you should listen to that little man inside of you. Your gut instinct. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): You're not at all crazy to consider giving him another chance. You obviously care about him a great deal, and these feelings cannot be turned off overnight.
It will be extremely difficult for you to trust him again wholly, and you need to make sure that he accepts this if you decide to give him another chance. If he doesn't accept that your relationship will be changed, then it may be worth thinking about letting him go. And things -will- be different, let me just say that. Don't kid yourself about it. And don't feel bad about that; -you- need those changes.
A lot of people will say it's a bad idea to give him another chance as "leopards never chnage their spots", but to be honest, only you can decide that. You need to be prepared for the worst, though, and not only will you feel hurt, you will also feel stupid on top of it. However, you will more than likely regret not giving him a second chance if you decide not to.
If you do give him another chance, try not to have pre-formed expectations of him. In the event that he does stray again, this will help you get over him quicker than if you imagined the both of you going down the aisle, when you would not only be mourning for your reltionship, but probably the future children you would have.
I wish you all the best with this difficult situation!
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (10 December 2007):
 There is hope for him however, that's entirely up to him if he wants to change his ways. TRUST is the key factor.
I understand what you're going through because I've been through it myself with my daughter's Dad. In and out of a relationship.
Young lady, if he cheated on you more than once, what makes you think he's going to stop once it's a relationship? Unless he changes his ways, just be careful.
Work on yourself. If your decision is to get back with him, let him show you he can change. Remember, it's not your fault.
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