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female
age
36-40,
*unnibuns104
writes:I'm 6 months pregnant and my boyfriend doesnt think we are ready both emotionally and financially to have a baby. He thinks the responsible thing to do would be put it up for adoption. We're both 24, and we both have stable careers and all...but I'm not sure what to do. I know where he is coming from and what he is saying, but at the same time, I dont know if I could actually put my own child up for adoption. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation, or have any advice either way?[Moderator note: follow up from http://www.dearcupid.org/question/pregnant-and-im-not-sure-if-my-boyfriend.html] Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): Hi Dont give up your baby if you dont want to hun. He may not be ready,but No one ever is. I found out i was pregant after my 21th birthday i had only been with the guy 12 months. He told me That we were not ready to have kids 5 sec after the doctor told me i was pregant. I cried and said im having this baby with or without you. 4 years has past im still with him he is now my husband and we have had another child. Things will work out an being a mum is the best thing in the whole wide world. Good luck xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Hi, I didn't read any of the other posts.. but even to consider it you must be a good person... whatever you choose it will be the right thing for you. My husband and I are 26 and we want to adopt in the future ( we can't have kids unfortunately) but I know that everything will work itself out for us.. just like I am sure it will for you as well... If you want to talk please email me at [email address blocked]... Like I said we want to adopt in the future.. I am not sure if we are ready now either and we are older than you.. so I sympathize with your situation. You know what is funny is that when I was younger I didn't really think too much about abortion being right or wrong.. and now that I am older and realize that I probably will not ever get pregnant.. well lets just say it changes your outlook.. Of course I was never in your situation, I was never pregnant and never had to come close to choosing... so for you to be thinking about adoption is so wonderful and for lack of a less used word.. truly selfless? Again, sorry for babbling on, but please do email me if you want to talk about anything.. no pressure... I am not actively trying to adopt... just doing some research for the future God Bless!.. Whatever happens
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female
reader, leobabygirl13 +, writes (26 August 2008):
i don't think u should give ur baby up for adoption.i have a friend who was adopted and she is always wondering why her parents gave her up for adoption she was wondering did my parents not love me why did they give me up you don't want your child thinking like that when he or she grows up right and just think all the pain you have to go through getting the baby out to give it away just think of all the pain your are going to put yourself through and then the misery that your going to put the baby through as he or she grows up in.anyway there is a show on abc family called the secret life of an american teenager it is about a 15 year old girl who is pregnant and doesn't know what to do you should check it our it comes on tuesdays at 8:00 pm
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reader, the~gamer~of~life +, writes (25 August 2008):
 there is a show on ABC Family every tuesday and its about a girl who is in highschool and is having a baby.i think u should watch it.it might help.my own opinion is that u should keep it because there is no greater feeling than having a child to take care of.
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female
reader, Beybii_Boo  +, writes (25 August 2008):
 Hello HunniBuns123
I Think that its your choice i know the father should but its living insdie you. If you think you are ready then keep it just see what you feel when the baby is born because in a couple months time you could be ready.
Just think.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): Don't put the baby up for adoption. Tell him you're having the baby with or without him. Trust me, after the baby is born your b.f. will most-likely thank his lucky stars that you decided to keep the baby. He may be an ass though before the baby is born b/c a lot of times men aren't commited or bonded to the baby until they see the baby. Babies aren't that expensive either..I have 2 babies and we're living on only my husband's income of $40,000 a year..we own a home and we're not well off but we're doing ok and we love our babies..we would never give them away. Do what is best for baby. Age 24 is not even young to be having kids. It is actually an ideal age. I was 25..I wasn't too young. I actually felt like I should have started sooner. Well good luck and don't let the b.f. be the decision maker, even if he threatens to leave you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): Why does your bf not think you are both emotionally ready---to be a parents to a baby? I don't understand that. Listen, no one is ever completely ready for the huge life altering change a new little baby will bring into your one's life, at any age. However, if you were 16, 17 or 18 asking this question, I might have a different answer for you. But at 24, with stable careers, I am asking, why even consider adoption? I was 23 years old when I had my first child- 25 years old with my 2nd one, and I'm sure many of the readers here, had their first children around that age. I had wonderful life experiences with my children and we had some struggles too. The sacrifices were big, but the pay-off? Two amazing successful adult kids (29 and 27) who I am proud to say.."All the hard work, the joys, the sorrows of raising kids was worth every single second". Think about this seriously and talk more to this bf of yours. He might just be really afraid of the overwhelming, task ahead of him. And it is a big one. But let him know there is no class or learning situation to ever prepare you for parenthood. You just jump in and do the best you can. Good luck in your decision, hun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): In my opinion no. The emotional torture you will put yourself through will be unbelievable if you decide to; I've seen my mom tear herself to pieces after giving my brother up for adoption as she blames herself & realised too late what a mistake she was making.
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): When i was preg my boyfriend told me almost EVERYDAY we werent ready for a baby and that i needed to have an abortion or put it up for adoption, but i always refused. SOoo when i finally had the baby he was happy as h*ll. HE loves his baby more than anything and its really not all that much money to take care of a baby in the begining. goodluck.. (i would keep the baby, i would NEVER give my own child up for adoption)
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reader, saltwater +, writes (25 August 2008):
 Cupidguy is right...nobody is ever in an perfect position to raise a child; be it emotionally, physically, financially or any other variable circumstance.
Every "normal" parent struggles financially. Unless you're a multi-millionaire then it is going to be difficult.
But that shouldn't mean that you instantly give away a baby.
You do what is best for the BABY; not you or your boyfriend.
Now, if *you* feel that giving away a baby is in the best interest of the *baby* .i.e if you genuinley feel that you will struggle raising a baby, then maybe you should think about doing so.
However, as SugarCookie rightly says, no-one can, or should be able to tell you what to do with your baby; it's YOUR baby.
And you both have stable careers. So you both have a regular income. That is more than some children have from their parents.
Whether it is a cop-out on the part of your boyfriend I can't say; what I can say is that at 24 you are both at a prime age to have -- and raise -- a child. As I said, a regular income from both parents is something some kids never get from their parents -- so you're not exactly in a poor position to raise a child.
Your boyfriend can't tell you what to do with your child -- of course he can voice an opinion, after all it's his child as well.
But personally, you sound like you don't want to give the baby away; which is good.
So to quote cupidguy, maybe you should re-assess your relationship with your boyfriend and ask whether him wanting to give the baby away is for his selfish interest; or in the interest of the baby.
Make the right decision for the baby.
Take care
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reader, SugarCookie +, writes (25 August 2008):
I agree with the first poster. Also no one can tell you if you can give up your child. If you really feel that is the right choice for you not him then to make it easier you can look into an open adoption. In an open adoption you still see the child. You might be called birth mom, aunt, or just a friend, but the family lets you see the child and sends you pictures and updates.
However in my opinion you sound like you are at a great age with your life on the right track and that caring for a baby is very possible. Maybe the only thing you need to do to be completely ready is get rid of your boyfriend.
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reader, Mixedup mind +, writes (25 August 2008):
I agree with cupidguy. I can tell you that men don't form the bond that women do with the baby. It is ultimately your decision based on whether or not you can accept that you don't want to raise a child yet. If you're doubting that you can give up your baby at 6 months along, just wait until you've carried him/her full term.
This in one of those things that has to be a mutual decision, if you truly thought you would be willing put your baby up for adoption, you wouldn't have asked.
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