A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I was going out with a guy for a couple of months. He ended it. I told him I would back off and wished him well. For some reason he seems to really want my friendship but I am finding this a tall order. Things ended in a rather hurtful way and he says he is confused as well by me...he is not sure what it is I want. He has a point..when we talk on the phone I still flirt with him and this is confusing me. Is it possible to really have a friendhip with an ex and has anyone been able to do it....I was thinking I needed time... Do people sometimes keep a tie with their ex because they want to keep the door open to sleep with them again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): hi, i've been through exactly the same scenario as you. i broke up with my ex about 18 months ago and he soon started seeing someone else however he would always be in contact with me either via text messagaes or phone calls, i found this so much harder to get over him but i couldn't help wanting to talk to him as much as i could, however when i look back now i do think in a way he did use me as when him n his girlfriend had problems he'd be on the phone to me, my mam once told me if you become friends with an ex boyfriend then you were never in love before as you can't just make feelings and emotions disappear, however i did recently get back with my ex boyfriend but that is only because i know he has changed he did admit that he found it hard not speaking to me and kept in touch all of the time because it made him feel loved. i know it will be the most difficult thing in the world to do but if you want all romantic feelings for this guy to disappear then try to have as little contact as possible with him, however if your wanting to get back with him it may be better to keep in contact with him. i am telling you thought its impossible to be friends with a person you have once loved. i hope i was of some assistance.
good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): Hi I've been in a very similar situation over the past few months. I was seeing a guy for 2 months we were on and off due to personal problems, we both still really liked each other and decided to be mates. After which I realised that I'd fallen for him, he told me he couldn't me more than friendship. We did talk about sex too but decided it wasn't the best thing to do. The thing is, is that was in November and I still have feelings for him, even though we have said we'll just be mates.
Don't mean to be going on about me, when this is your problem but my point is, that honestly the best thing to do would be to walk away for a few months and see how you feel then, if you can be friends fair enough but at the moment it sounds like you still have feelings for him. Regarding the question about sex I'd say no don't do it because you would probably be doing it just to try and win him back and if he met someone else whilst you were 'friends with benefits' and turned round and said he didn't want to see you anymore how would that make you feel?
Like I say I havn't slept with my ex since although its been hard not too, but he has just recently started seeing someone else and that is bad enough. So is the fact that we are still good mates, but I just can't give him up, he knows how I feel and is really sweet about it, I will get over but it'll take time as it will with you. But just be strong, take time out to be with your friends and keep busy. I can't say whats wrong and what isn't because I've made mistakes myself in the past few months, but I wish you good luck hun. xx
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