A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK, I like this girl. we get along great and everyone says we flirt. she flirts with me a little but not enough for me to be sure. I'm confident with women though so this isn't the problem. Problem is she comes form a conservative Cristian background, and has a 4.0 GPA while I just got into a university (but with a lower GPA) am only moderately interested in religion, and am a different race. we are complete opposites but both show an "interest" in one another. do opposites like these ever work out? thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 May 2011):
 absolutely opposites can work out very happily at times as attraction between two people can operate on many obvious levels but also on many unseen levels, and there can be pheremones that even the two parties cannot quantify, but just feel.
But sometimes 'Rose Colored Glasses' syndrome operates and one or both parties can be dazzled by looks. Looks can fade, but even when it does, Character remains.
And good Character is everything. Never be blinded by just appearances and what is on the surface. Look beneath, for the true character of the person.
See how they behave and act towards others. Even if there appear to be great differences on the surface if you both have similar outlooks and similar ways of being supportive and respectful towards each other it can work.
Or it could fail.
That said, there can be irritants, not even realised that can seriously affect even the most perfect relationship, once the
relationship progresses into more.
There is a Chinese saying, pertaining to relationships and marriage, that suggests that 'the windows of the buildings on each side of the street should face each other'
Meaning that the couple planning to be together have a better chance of success if their values and attitudes are aligned. That financially there is no great disparity between the two.
That they have similar outlooks on life, similar temperaments for harmony.
But I have seen people who apparently are not on the same page and yet each fulfill each other's needs and fully support each other in perfect unison.
Honesty and developing trust between the two seems very important to me. Showing mutual respect is essential. Being yourself, and feeling you can be yourself and the other party towards you allows two people to develop the closeness that is essential, even if he wants to play with his model trains all day and she prefers rock climbing!
I have also seen successful relationships where two people of very different religions live and love happily together.
But there are things that will ruin a relationship very quickly, if the couple are not already a strong unit, and are not already clear to each other on the things that are deal breakers for them.
For example when I was single I had already devised my own pre-set list of who I would reject. Even if the guy looked the cutest most gorgeous Adonis he was still not OK from the start for me to consider if he had any of the attributes below.
ANY Partner is NOT preferable to NO partner, if that partner is not suitable.
Even the most amazing looking partner would not be for me, if he embodied the trait/s below.
I will recall that I rejected guys who I thought would never be suitable for me if they showed evidence of the following (in fact in most instances I rejected even a first date with them, even if they asked me out) attributes that turn me off:
Rude, selfish, controlling.
Racist or xenophobic (unfathomable hatred of other races)
Heavy gambler out of control
Liar or Cheat or boasting about his prowess with women - if a guy has to boast he has problems.
Drug taker/criminal/recent trouble with the law
Drives car recklessly
Cannot handle his finances
Bully
Abusive
Tough I know. But being selective and discerning means eventually you do find a gem who is meant for you.
Good luck in your quest to interest her.
Abella
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