| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: This is a weird thing to ask but if parents have two children, say two sons, is it natural for the them to be more close to the elder son than the younger one? Extending this, is it possible that they love the elder son more than the younger one because he was their first child? I have an elder brother and we are the only two children of our parents. I have always found this thing to be concerning me but my mom and dad are more close to my brother. I mean they treat him more on the equal level of theirs while they always consider me as a child. Also, because he is elder than me, my brother gets more responsibility and attention from my parents. My mother also does special things for my elder brother at times and this makes me feel jealous and unwanted. He also gets a natural upper hand to me in whatever decision is taken and my parents listen to him more than they listen to me. I am always taken for granted and this makes me feel an extra person in the family. Is it my misconception or is it natural for parents to be so?
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2005): Please sit down with your parents and in a loving, calm way...express your feelings. Most kids think that Mom or Dad like their sibling better than them. You likely just need their reassurance that you are loved and respected as much as your brother.
I know your parents love and cherish but they don't realize what they are doing is wrong. But it is. Parents should always try to treat children as individuals as you and your brother are very unigue and your parents should be praising your individual accomplishments, also.
This is very common in families as many parents have played favorites and it's just not right. It's very painful for the unfavored kid. Some feel it's easier to indulge a happy child over one who's quarrelsome. Or parents prefer the child who resembles a parent or is better looking than a sibling. There are may reasons but it doesn't make it right. I feel it creates sibling rivalries that can and will extend and damage sibling relationships even into adulthood. I have a 53 year old sister, who still resents the manner in which our father favored me over her. As a result, she to this day, does not speak with me. It does have far reaching effects so it's crucial that your parents need to understand that if they allow favoritism as part of their family dynamics while children are growing up, it becomes emotional baggage, and it will follow you and your brother into adulthood.
So yes, you have the right to be concerned about this.
please do all you can to make them aware and don't resent your brother for this. It's not his fault. Keep a strong, loving relationship with him, ongoing. Perhaps, if you two are close, you can have him help you to speak with your parents, to make them aware. If he can't help...talk to a close family friend or relative and have them help you.
You parents need to prevent you from thinking they are treating you and your brother, differently. Spending one-on-one time with you, geared toward your interests, will help. It sounds like you need the opportunity to feel special and the only way is to make Mom and Dad aware of your feelings. I hope you will talk to them...good luck, dear and take care
Hugs, Irish
A
reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (28 August 2005):
Anything is possible, especially when it comes to love and hate. I think it's mostly a misconception you have there. Every sibling sees things from their own perspective, and each sees the others as having it better off. I don't believe this thing with your parents is about more love for your older brother than you. It's more like an issue of trust. Your bro has been in your family for however many years longer than you. In that time he's accomplished more, learned more, and grown more. He's taken up responsibility and proven himself trustworthy. Sounds like there's a case of some strong pride in your brother, but you'll get there when you're his age. You're set up as the little guy who needs more guidance and protection, and there's nothing you can do about that. All you can do right now is make your family proud, and support them even if you feel taken for granted sometimes.
"All that you need is in your soul" Lynyrd Skynyrd
...............................
|
