A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of over a year (long distance) turned around and said he needed time alone and space and distance to figure himself out.He cut all phone calls and said it was because he needs distance, and that he didnt see the reason why we should talk on the phone. i started smoothering him and im not normally that type of person, every week for a month i would ask where the relationship was going and he would reply with 'i dont know', 'i need time'.i have known him for 5 years because we was also friends before, im really hurt, and the other day i found out he has been having another relationship with another female online, (not 100% sure) when i mentioned it to him, he said 'he doesnt want no relationship, and that we should go seperate ways', and he needs time, and if i couldnt wait it was okay (how long am i suppose to wait?) so i said if thats really what you want, then fine but 3 hours later he replied with 'i dont know'.i sent him a tex saying im not waiting for him anymore and he didnt reply, now im trying to just forget him and not be bitter, only problem im having is do i cut all communication on yahoo? or do i just delete him and if he wants in the future he can message me hopefully to be friends again. I want to be the bigger and better person about this, im just not sure if im in the wrong here and whether i shouldnt block him and give him his time? do most people block once a long distance relationship goes bad?please im going a bit mad over this, feedbacks would be appreciated xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Here's what you do: you disappear on him. POOF!
that will make him wonder, where the hek is she? what is she up to? how come she's not online anymore? is she seeing someone? is she actually going OUT instead of being chained to the IMs? is she over me, already?
1. you block his ID in EVERY chat application. and make sure he doesnt have any 'secret' aliases where he has your id too. with AIM, do 'Select only these people to IM me'
2. you delete his ID. if you don't delete his ID, you'll be staring at the IMs and keep wondering about him.
3. get yourself really busy offline somehow.
i give it an estimated 2 week - 2 month turnaround time. he should be able to text you or call you. don't reply to his first text, and let the first call go to voicemail. let him sweat a little. he WILL come around and contact you. he WILL call again, too. TRUST me on this. kapeesh?
you can answer the 2nd or 3rd time, and you act as if. no snotty attitude. no sounding like you're thrilled to hear from him. you just act normal and happy (about something else - not his call). you talk for 3-5 mins and you get off the phone first, no matter what.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): You just do not write. Leave him alone but do not block him. If he writes, great; if he does, not too bad. Right now you came across as needy so he got really tired of you. Do not chase him. Let him chase you. If he doesnot, too bad. Find ways to boost your selfconfidence and self-esteem. Dress up nice, read new self improvement books and do a new time consuming activity. Unleash your new self and roar! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 Hi,
It is not immature of you to block him or delete him. I did the exact circle as you: block, delete, readd, unblock. It was like since I couldn't talk with him about what happened (also long distance) I would just argue with this little icon instead, kicking it around. What made me finally decide to both delete and block was when he after two months contacted me, asked me how I was, dada dada, and I felt so happy and started answering and asking him questions only to experience that after a short time he stopped replying. He was still there but kind of lingered. I finally said that I had to go, that I wished him all well and said bye. I felt totally empty as if he had done something very bad to me. I therefore deleted and blocked him and it feels good. I don't even want to think about him, I wish there were delete and block buttons in heart and brains as well.
Since he obviously doesn't want to make his mind up, then you should do it. If you are being hurt by this, no matter his intentions, protect yourself and block him out until he is ready to give you clear answers. You don't need the pain of the uncertainty.
Best Wishes!
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 October 2007):
 I usually block people who are harrassing me. I don't think you're going to have this problem with your ex b/f because he already bailed out of your relationship and hasn't really made a move to contact you. He has only responded to a few of your messages when pushed. Clearly this guy has no intentions of becoming a harrasser. Blocking him would be pointless, but it might make you feel better. I personally think he was already seeing someone and that's why he extricated himself from your relationship. It's time for you to let go and move on. Don't keep contacting him anymore, or he'll end up blocking you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): I'm in love with a girl. we grew up together and we go out. I love her but we did a deal such as she goes out with veryone she wants and I will too. I think she's fallen in love with someone, I am far of her to study since the end of september... we had projects together and she doesn't tell me she doesn't love me. what should I do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thankyou all for your comments, i really do appreciate them, and yes to the 'annoymous reply', i know exactly what you mean, blocking him, then deleting him and then getting upset when he doesnt talk to me online, endless cycle.ive never actually been through this situation before and i know in my head that what he's doing to me isnt right and i should be stronger but somehow i just seem to love him too much (pathetic huh) and @ daniele, your probably right even if i didnt block him he probably wouldnt message me, but you see he has the habit of messaging me every 2 weeks randomly just asking 'if im okay, how are you', 'i hope your alright', which makes me assume he cares but hes trying to be nice on how to end it so he doesnt think he's hurting me? Id rather he just be truthful and honest to me.When i asked him, 'if he just wants to be friends', i get the same answer.... 'i dont know', 'stop trying to get answers from me, it wont help you', and this slightly makes me cross because i just want to know where i stand with him. i do hope i can be friends with him again one day because ive known him for years, but at this moment its very difficult for me because i still have feelings and ive been told its immature for me to block him and i should just delete him so only he can see me online and act like his presence doesnt bother me, but im scared if he pms me in 2 weeks im going to slip back and end up repeating the same cycle i have been for a month where i end up being the one hurt.
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A
female
reader, freeworld  +, writes (26 October 2007):
Ive been in a similar situation myself. the best thing to do is leave this man to his own devices. if he really cared abut you he would of replied back to your message and told you where you stood.
'if you cant wait that's OK???'. i think that's his way of ending it.
I'd delete him from yahoo, it will only make you more eager to contact him and be pulled back in.
your defiantly not in the wrong here this guy is taking you for a ride.
-x-
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 October 2007):
 I think I understand your situation. Those little instant messenger icons cause a lot of pain. It would be so easy to communicate with your ex, but you can't. You wonder whether you should delete the icons, which can be thought of as a hint that you no longer want him to communicate with you, or you should leave them, in which case the hint is that you're still open to talking to him, despite his dumping you.
The heart of the matter here is that he wasn't interested in the relationship anymore. All those tools, e-mail, phone, text messages, whatever, are just the ways you use to communicate when you have an interest to do so. So, painful as it may be to see the icons, their presence is really inconsequential.
I would suggest that you delete the icons, as to stop the pain, but do not block him. I doubt that he will talk to you again, but, it makes no real sense to block him. I assume he knows your phone number and address, and he could find you there if he wanted to, anyways.
I would also like to say that you should not feel bad about yourself for the "smothering". Maybe you were too insistent, yes, but he is at least half responsible for it. He didn't want to take the bull by the horns and let you know for sure where you stood with him. Your "smothering" came from uncertainty as to where you were going with him. He did send mixed messages. So, while it is always good to restrain oneself, one should also notice that your actions are sometimes reactions to what other person is doing. If he had been very clear about what he was feeling, you wouldn't have been through so much pain and confusion, and the "smothering" would have never existed.
I assumed he loved you very much. He didn't realize he didn't love you just at once, and that might help explain his own mixed messages. But, at some point, he knew what he was feeling, and he was not honest enough to communicate it well. This is his fault, not yours.
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