A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A Gf of mine and i were having a debate about this question:Do men who cheat(whether they are married or not)do they love the women that they are either married to or live with?I told her that how in the world could any man say that they love either their wife or their live in Gf if they are sleeping with another woman.I told her also that LOVE=RESPECT and in both situations I see neither of the two.She told me that they must love them if they live with them and have given them a relationship BUT IMO what kind of a relationship is it really if the man is cheating.Would like some other people's input on this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Good question. I was with my ex for almost 5 years and he would tell me he loved me, but I found out he was cheating for 4 1/2 months. He was sobbing when I told him to stay out of my life. He just kept saying he loved me and didn't want to lose me. Before I asked him (after I found out) Are you dating me or her? And he said, he didn't know what to do.....so I told him;"Fine. I will make the decision for you." He is now living with his mistress. I told the mistress all I hope is he treats you with the same respect and dedication, fidelity and loyalty that he has treated me.
I think partners who cheat are always somewhat narcissistic in nature. People cheat because of their own insecurity and really has nothing to do with their partner. I also think they are somewhat a sociopath in that they have no regard for others feelings. Its difficult to understand why he did it. I think there was a situation that presented itself. Before all this went down I would say that we were happy! We would joke, laugh, talk, great sex, but he wanted his cake and wanted to eat it too!
As for if he loved me. I think cheaters are never happy or satisfied. They always want to know what they are missing. I would argue cheaters don't understand love. When the first initial newness wares off, he will always want that. He will never understand love on a deeper level. He will live in a constant "What if?". So it is once again tossed back in his lap and his approval for himself.
I know that was somewhat complex but to sum up, I would say cheaters are too involved with oneself to love anyone completely. I don't think it is the significant other at all it is a love of his self he is lacking and will never find.
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Often, they BELIEVE they do, but aren't mature enough to know what real love is. True real long term love is sacrifice, respect, and being more concerned with your partner's needs than your own. Many people never find this sort of love and are convinced that lust/infatuation is the same thing and yes, they "love" their partners as much as they know how.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): I don't think you can love your spouse or significant other and be cheating on them.
You can feel emotional attachment and bonding to your spouse due to a long history or because you are comfortable in your role as roommates and child-rearers. But I don't think you have a deep abiding and considerate love.
If you love someone you would naturally not want to do anything that deliberately hurts them. You naturally love your own kids. Would you try to avoid hurting them? Of course.
If you're not stopping yourself from cheating on your spouse, to calm the guilt in your mind you would have to convince yourself that either what you're doing is not considered cheating or else that your cheating is justified. How does cheating become 'justified' - maybe because your spouse cheated on you first. If not, then usually you justify it because you realize you don't actually love them. If you loved them you wouldn't be feeling so guilty about it. that's my thinking anyway
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Yes most men who cheat on women do love the women they cheat on because they only cheat because they feel the woman they love is missing some thing small. So they find someone with that small thing but offen there missing the things there lover has so they cheat on them both. So they still love the women the cheat on ! Hope ive helped the debate catch you later bye
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 A man is known to be able to be in love with one woman while sleeping with another. A woman is typically not willing to do such a thing. So perhaps in there lies the answer?
Another possibility is that people are different. What is possible for one is not possible for the other. Feelings are not hard core facts and mathematics. They are not easily calculated, they are not easily separated nor defined.
I'd say it is impossible to debate this issue. What is in another persons heart only that person can know. The rest of us have no business speculating onit, and even if we do we will never know what is the truth.
But I do know this: love comes in many shapes and hues.
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