A
female
age
41-50,
*appygirl
writes:Do Men prefer Bad girls over good girl.I'm a pretty good girl, but I like to go out have fun, drink, smoke occassionally. I still know how to party and let my hair down.I think I'm a pretty good catch and don't have a problem attracting men.My problem is I find no matter how great I hit it off with a guy..he eventually slowly calls less. then next thing I know we lose contact because I don't chase them. (I'm still old fashion and have strong values)I get over them and move on with my life, but then they call me back after months of not hearing from me. I don't want to be "Mean" to them. So i'm friendly, but I know they don't want to be in a serious relationship because they never make the extra effort. Is it because I'm too caring and giving when I like somebody? What do they want from me? If they don't want me then why can't they leave me alone and let me move on and get over them.Because I did have feelings for them at one point.I am not clingy, successful,down to earth,very independent, funny, smart. One guy said he finds me "intimidating". But all i do is be myself. Could it be that I am attracted to the bad boys and they find that they like me and not want to hurt me because I am a good girl with a big heart? OR..I am attracted to good looking,elusive, non-committing types of men? Help! What am I doing wrong?
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Hi Sappygirl, Guys like "bad girls" if they want a meaningless "fling." OR like some women do... sometimes a "bad girl" is kind of entertaining and exiting to some guys AT FIRST, but after a while, get sick of all the commotion, dramas, and not being able to trust them. I have always been a good girl, and I will not lower my ethics for anyone.
I have had guys who wouldn't date me because I wouldn't "give it up" on the first few dates or so. To hell with guys like that!
There are guys out there who are good looking,elusive, non-committing types of men... and sometimes it takes a while to soften them up, and it takes a lot of energy and pain to accomplish this incredible feat. I know, I have done it. It IS feasible. But with all the energy you spend trying to do this, it doesn't always guarenteed that they WILL soften up.
I am not saying for you to chase them, I have never believed in chasing a man. But, while you are with them, show them you care. Sometimes men are like this because of some one who has hurt them. A good softy girl can sometimes snap them out of it, by showing them that you can offer them stability ...someone who will be there for them. I am not saying to be a "push over." Just be as sweet as you are. You will find what you want... eventually.
Maybe they call you back, because after being out there... after being with you... they may be rethinking what they had with you, and miss it.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Hi,
I think it is a combination of everything you mention in your post.
Firstly, guys like me run a mile from the "bad girls", after all who wants all the drama in your life? Bad girls are trouble, not commital and generally a pain in the behind. But I wonder if we are talking about the same thing?
You mention you are "still old fashion(sic) and have strong values" ; this could mean anything, are you very old fashioned in that you expect a man to open the car door for you, buy dinner for you when you go out without offering to pay or do you mean something else like you require simple committment from a man when things start to get serious?
It sounds like you seem to be attracting the wrong sort of men, but with so many new opportunities to meet people these days I think it is inevitable that you have to dip your hand in a pot of goo before plucking out a gold coin.
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to good looking men, but picking good looking elusive men is something of an alarm bell , it signifies you are attracted to a particular "type".
The bottom line is you shouldnt have to chase these men, there is nothing wrong with phoning a guy you are keen on , but I don't know who these guys are if they expect a woman to do all the chasing.
If only one man said he found you intimidating that is nothing to be alarmed about, he may simply be very insecure, but only you know the situation it was said in and if it is worth reflecting on, if you are a bit intimidating then it is not a good trait to carry into the dating world! :)
I always say the best source is your friends. Why don't you ask your friends about your boyfriends. If you ask them to be honest with you ( and mean it when you say it) then you may just hear some common traits in the men you are dating which your friends notice which are slipping by you.
good luck
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