A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I want to know if man over 40 will still have hard on. My husband lost it, and went limp. What is going on?It is hard to know, how common is that,when it happens to you.. You can't see others bedroom life. He also don't care about sex, and he used to be always very sexual . Oh God What is that? Please tell me...I'm so panicked, 'What should I do now.? Stay in sexless marriage for the next 20-40 years. or leave? What should I do? I miss being sexual . I don't think I can retire yet..
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): Im dating a 41year old boyfriend; when we first met the sex was amazing; although hes not very experienced in oral the erections he got was rockhard. After i found porn and naked pictures of a girl on his phone the sex started changing. I questioned him about the pictures, and he denied any participation in porn or chatsites. He also has a problem to ejaculate lately. I am convinced that hes also using meth; he definately smokes pot as well. I somehow feel that we can work through all the problems that started; he feels that i want to catch him out for one or other reason. Psychologicaly these last few weeks ive been very hurt and not focussed myself. I love him; im 12years older than him; i feel that im not good enough for him and that he might want a younger firmer body to have sex with. My problem with him is that hes not open enough with me and doesnt like to experiment more with sex; i believe hes scared and i want him to lose inhibitions and fuck like a wild horse....he also suffers from one or other muscular disease but thats never held me back to have good sex with him. Im into toys and i dont want missionary sex all the time; Im also trained in tantra sex; somehow my boyfriend are very reserved with me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): Bad , but true. If your man is gone off from you sexually, you are forced to do some unpleasant things. Or find new mate, or suffer , your choice..But you can never stay happy , that is for sure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): I'm so glad you asked this question, it mirrors my own situation exactly. I've resorted to having sex with a couple of friends on the side. It's not right but it keeps things on track family wise. We have kids etc. Otherwise i'd die of resentment and frustration.
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): Its so sad ,if it s true, that man needs new toy,if he want to get excited..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I'm afraid, it might be true that man can't have only one woman for so long.
so poor spouse is just an empty beer can.. Bad human nature. But,you can find a new man ,its healthier. iF ITS OVER, YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON...
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (3 September 2009):
 In a nutshell, of course older men perform quite well, except in certain circumstances as previously suggested.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): let him check for prostate. prostate enlargement could be a reason. also he may be having work or financial problems.if you have been married for 20 years plus he might be bored. sorry but 99% males like to be with different female parteners especially with so many on offer. that is how nature made them. I know many out there do not agree with me but that is the honest truth and it is very miserable feeling for the male.if that is the case you have to be very patient and understanding. getting angry with him only will make it worse. but anyway whatever the reason try to treat it as soon as possible otherwise it can turn permanent.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): He already went to the doctor. Medically he is ok. So , yes he is not very fit. But only fit man can have sex. He is not fat, but not exercising. But so many man does not exercise, I can;t beleive ,that fat man can't have sex, than I guess ,the world would be a sexless planet
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Just out of curiosity, how do you know he no longer cares about sex? Is it because he doesn't pester you for it any more, or does he actually turn you down if you make it clear you're interested?
There can be all sorts of dynamics happening that could leave you with the wrong impression. For one, if you have teenagers in the home, they're probably staying up later than you care to, so he might not feel you have the necessary privacy. And, too, he may be worried about the ED and avoiding sexual situations with you because he's ashamed.
You need to find out if the problem is physical or psychological before you can hope to fix it. But it sounds like it's too soon to think the rest of your married life is doomed to be sexless.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (3 September 2009):
 Yes men over 40, 50, 60 and beyond can still get erections. But there are a few underlying health problems that can cause this problem to become an issue early in life. High blood pressure, diabetes, depression, certain medicines and alcohol. He should have a complete physical to make sure he's not dealing with one of these problems. If he checks out okay, you may need counseling. Could he be having an affair, fallen out of love wth you, or abusing porn? I hope you can get to the bottom of the problem and get it addressed. Marriages should be sexual but there can be obstacles. I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Yes, and they should. There can be a host of things causing this, but the important thing is that you two communicate. If he has fears about being an adequate lover (and not being rejected) he'll need reassurances from you that this is not the case, as well as doing some serious work (possibly with a professional) to deal with his self-esteem issues.He could have a medical condition... so a physical is important. He could have a hormone imbalance, again, go see a Dr. You deserve a rich and full partnership, which includes sex. You need to relax - as does he. If you love each other you need to come together on this and both get out of the fear. Have you discussed this with him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I'm dating a 41 year old guy and he gets hard...a lot...we can have sex 5 times a day and afterwards he can still get hard. So it's not a definite age problem, though if your husband isn't very fit that could make a difference. Also if he's going through a lot of stress over something, say work problems, that can really affect his sex drive. Other than that, it could be erectile dysfunction, in which case he can get some medication to help. I'm sure you won't have to stay in a sexless marriage though!
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