A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm hoping for some input, male and female answers welcome! I've basically realised that I have a really bad complex about being rejected when it comes to blokes! I've been hurt in the past, whereby a male friend who I was at uni with strung me along for years, despite leading me to believe he wanted me and we were 'soulmates'. He would do things like not message back for days on end, then flip out if I tried to approach it. I'm in no way needy but he made me feel that way. My mum is also really strong minded and has always told me not to 'chase' men and let them pursue me. I have been doing that recently and met someone nice. However, if he doesn't text me first I rarely make contact, then I feel confused as to why he hasn't bothered! We hadn't spoken for about 5 days and he text me today as normal asking how I was and said I had been quiet. I just realised that I really have got anxiety about messaging him for fear of rejection. I wanted to speak to him in person just to reassure him that I'm stubborn because of the past and that I like him, but I'm too scared to even ask him to meet up in case he says no :/ I'm so fed up of feeling this way, I know the past is to blame but I just wanna be confident enough to do this. Also, do you think it is right that men like to do the chasing or is it possible that he thinks I'm not bothered. HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): Thanks for the comments guys, really helpful :)
A
male
reader, Dan_uk +, writes (8 October 2013):
Truth is from my perspective that it should be 50/50 but it never is. I think in all honesty the first couple of weeks of seeing someone are usually like a game as much as people don't like to admit it. So the aloof approach at first is fine because guys get cocky if a girl is really all over them straight away, it's just the way most if us work.But I think once that first week or two is over and you have both gotten comfortable that something is starting between you just be yourself. You have shown you are not desperate or needy so now if you want to speak to him text him. If you want to meet up then ask. If he says no then he is busy so don't obsess over it. By texting when you feel like it and asking if he wants to go out at this point you are now showing not neediness but confidence which is very attractive.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (8 October 2013):
 If I were u I wouldnt think about dating. Seems u have issues that need to be resolved before u start dating again.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 October 2013):
 Not all men like chasing and would prefer you to be direct in your approach. That's especially true for guys who are afraid of being friend zoned. Some guys are shy and not aggressive. They wait for signs, the right time to make the right move. Dating can be cruel so you have to develop a warrior type of personality. Be honest about what you want and when you encounter guys who are scared off because you dare speak the truth, then on to the next so you won't waste time and energy worrying. It's faster too when you weed out guys who are not serious. You only need one boyfriend. It might be frustrating and you wonder are there any good guys left. The answer is yes but you can't let your fear of rejection slow down your search.
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