A
female
age
36-40,
*inktopaz
writes:I've been wondering this as I've read some books as well as some articles online about women basically using manipulation or playing games to keep a man interested. Simply put: men like to chase. However, I'm starting to believe it's BS, and was wondering what others thought?A lot of these "rule" type books say to do things like: don't ever call him, don't sleep with him for at least a month, don't always return his phone calls, flake out on dates, act aloof, don't cook him dinner unless it's a special occassion, or don't talk to him if you don't like what he's doing (even if it's something stupid and minor).I couldn't really imagine MOST guys being interested in a woman that acts like she isn't interested and not being herself. Same if a guy acted like he wasn't that interested in me then I would just give up on him and move on. So is it better for a woman to just be herself and slightly aggressive (definitely make her interest in the man known), or should she act "aloof" and like she doesn't have the time of day for him but will see him whenever she thinks is enough time for her to not be "busy" making up excuses as to why she's "busy?"
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female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (17 September 2009):
As a general rule the first day you meet give him your number when he asks don't offer it to him and don't ask for his. If he asks he wants to talk to you if not you had a conversation with an interesting person. Don't be too aloof, but don't cling don't jump at every chance to see him if you have plans with your friends don't drop them because he calls be honest. Do not reveal too much about your self too soon take it as slow as possible there is no rush charish the moment. Let the other person ask the question. Don't start off the night by saying hi I'm jane sue doe I have had sex with 13 men and I don't know who my baby daddy is. :) keep it simple. Now this is for men and women do not have sex on the first date really wait at least a few dates. You give the wrong impression when you have sex too soon. Men look at women as sluts and then they have already ruled you out of the potential g/f category. Women seem to think that he is the man of my dreams, we are going to get married and have 4 kids and a dog. We tend to associate sex and love more then men do. So just get to know each other first.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): I don't know which books you are reading, but a lot of them are rubbish. But I think you are missing the point of the books, there is a difference between men and women and what tends to cause men to get turned off and go away.
Certainly acting as if you are not interested is silly, but you can't suddenly chase him and act like you are his girlfriend after you date him briefly or even sleep with him once, he will get the idea that you are clingy and needy and will run the other way.
A couple of books are pretty good at helping you determine when a guy is being disrespectful or he is just being a difficult guy and what to do to possibly turn that behavior in him around.
The books about Why men Marry Bitches, and why men like bitches, don't know the author, but they are actually about being an empowered woman, and taking care of yourself and how men react and think when it comes to the different stages of dating.
There are actually several stages to a relationship, and the more mature you both are the quicker you can get through them, so that is the reason why you can't treat everyone the same, you just have to have the ability to set boundaries and the knowledge to know where you actually stand in the relationship.
Try the books, they are humorous and they make some good points. (They aren't about being or behaving like a bitch)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): Lol. I just realized that I competely forgot to read your question. I answered directly to the title without even thinking. So let me jsut say that I completely agree with you. I think the whole "chase" thing is silly and immature.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (17 September 2009):
pinktopaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha I'm not a guy wondering...I'm a woman. I'm just curious as to what people's opinions are on playing games. I understand that some men like to chase and some don't. But I just kind of figure that it's the immature ones that enjoy immature women that play games. I prefer to be myself and if I feel like calling a guy; then I will and if I feel like having sex with him; I will. But then what I've read it's like, don't ever call him, you're setting yourself up for catastrophe! I'd rather people (including myself) just be upfront and not have to play guessing games or waiting 3-days to call, or constantly worry that if I do something that's just being myself is going to turn a guy off.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 September 2009):
 The bottom line is that if she's interested in you, then pay attention to what she's saying to you. If she's not being clear enough, ask her.
If she really wants you, then the two of you should be chasing each other around.
But the fact is that no two men or women are alike. Some women switch between passive and aggressive, and so you have to figure out what mood she's in for this.
A lot of it means building up some trust, and willing to absent any judgments here, get her to tell you what it is she really likes. This way you don't have to guess and she gets exactly what she wants ... and you get exactly what you want.
If the two of you spend more time there, then you'd be surprised how much more you can learn about each other together, and your issues regarding chasing will be more like playing phone tag on a busy day. Eventually you'll hookup and have a party.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): Well not all men are the same. Some will like the chase some will like the tackeling.
But I think it's pretty safe to say that not very many men will appreciate a girl who puts very little to no effort into it or constantly blows him off.
Personally, it's silly to do the while chase thing. If a guy asks you out and you want to go, then go. I think everything should be 50/50. But that's just me, and i'm not even a man so who really cares what i say!
~Sy.
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