A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:And by different, I mean, do they not care to be fun (with personality) outside the bedroom because he knows you're just a casual thing and not someone he wants to impress?For example, there's this guy who I began dating a while back and we went on a couple dates. I enjoyed my time with him and thought he was funny.We're jusy casually hooking up and usually before we have sex, we go to dinner. Now that we're just casually hooking up, he doesn't seem to talk as much, often leaving me wondering why he's so quiet at times and isn't as fun as he was when we first started dating. I remember once we were at dinner and he wasn't trying to create conversation much and seemed kind of cold. Another time we were in line for food and he didn't have a conversation at all with me or hug me, hold me or anything. Is this his real personality? Or is he just this way because he feels like "Well since she's just a hookup, who cares about talking and having fun outside of the bedroom?" Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 Yeah it sounds like he sees you as a toy now and he doesn't need to make any effort with you. I do think men loose respect for women when they agree to just have sex with them. He has just stopped bothering to make an effort.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your lovely responses
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): Some men actually really like the women they are having casual sex with and have a friendship with them. They do things together and also have sex. So it is not quite bf-gf but it's a relationship.
Not all men disrespect women who have casual sex with them. Sometimes casual sex arrangements turn into more. And some men respect women who know what they want and a casual relationship works well for both parties.
In your case, he did not appear to want any relationship. Just sex. So you were unfortunate to land yourself a guy who just wanted a human blow up doll. Most guys are not this way. They would put a little more effort in. This guy was just a dick. And not for you.
I suggest if you want a FWB arrangement, you find a guy who likes you as a person first. And solidify the relationship before pursuing sex. That way you know you won't be ignored or treated badly.
I still think the best route is to find a real boyfriend so that you can have both the affection and the sex you crave.
FWB is good if you find the right partner but it always gets complicated when feelings get involved, mostly on the part of the woman.
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (26 March 2017):
 I do feel men don't really respect women who agree to have sex without any commitment to a proper relationship. Men crave the no-strings sex relationship, but when it becomes a reality they realise something fundamental is missing and it is all a bit aimless.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2017):
 "Well since she's just a hookup, who cares about talking and having fun outside of the bedroom?"
Probably... Even the novelty of casual hook up wears off. It might feel like a "chore' having to wine & dine you before getting his sex. Which is all he seems to want from you.
He might have put in more effort, in the beginning, to get you to agree to the casual sex. Now that he is getting it without effort he is going the easy route.
But why do you care? If you are OK with just being someone to "duck" occasionally why are you expecting great conversations and engaging behavior?
If you want more then an F-buddy.. find a guy to date. Someone who WANTS to be with you IN and OUT of the bedroom.
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