A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What kind of feelings does a man experience during sex? For men, is it love language? Do they express love through sex? How does sex play a role in love for a man????Ive been seeing this man for a while and we didnt sex it right away. We waited. The first time I think it was pure sex. but all the other times after that I felt like it was wonderful.. He was all about making me feel the best I could feel. It was slow hot and meaningful. He moaned my name, moaned some. Very gentle. I would say that he was making love to me. Do men get connected to us like we do them thru sex? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Peace Love  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I totally agree with mishmash, and wold also like to add that there are times that the sex is just that "sex". My wife and I have just made 20 yrs on the 23 and it has been great.One of the issues early in our marriage was sex. The meaning of it and timing every time. We have come to this point where we LOVE being with each other. When we have sex its passionate, fun, LOVING, and at time spontaneous. So, is it love... for my wife and I very much so... I LOVE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE. Would like to discuss this more if you r interested drop me a line r what ever they do here (new to this site), but again i really like what mishmash answered P and L
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): Glad I could help...
I had reread my answer and thought that I perhaps had read way to much into your question. I can be long winded sometimes, but happy to know it helped in this case.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMishmash, thinking about all what you said means more sense to me than how i put it. We lost our virgnity to one another 18yrs ago. When we did it for the first time this time, it was rushed, just like you put in your reply. Its not that it was meaningless, we had a great cuddle session afterwards. I guess compared to the other times it was more mechanical sex and not a whole lot of foreplay. Im sure we were both nervous, hell I know I was. It meant a lot to me and wowed me bc I didnt remember it being this good with him. It is and was wonderful. You really made a lot of sense and thank you very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): So the first time with him was "pure sex" and the other times were "meaningful sex"?
You're asking if men's perception of sex includes love, but I'm more curious about your perception of sex.
I'm not sure what "pure sex" is, but it sounds like to you it is neccessarily meaningless.
What I would guess is that when you had sex the first time with it seemed particularly physcial, impatient, or rushed to you.
In all probability it was probably that way because he was nervous, he felt awkward, and he was bluffing or rushing through the act...after all it was his first time with someone he cared about...that's kind of a scary experience.
It doesn't mean that the act was meaningless.
For instance, if you were hesitant or not as agressive during your first experience with this guy because you were nervous, should this mean that the experience was meaningless to him? No, it just means you were a bit nervous at the time.
You seem to think of sex in dichotomy of meaningful love vs. meaninglessness. I don't think sex is a black/white issue in terms of meaning...and I would suggest a different model for thinking about it. Think of it as a mirror of feeling rather than an indicator of love. Sex tends to reflect the feelings of the people who share it and so it's colored by emotions. It can be loving, it can be ego boosting, it can be angry, and even manipulative or forceful in the worst cases. And like Illithid said, men (and women) can get wrapped up in the physicality of sex and have a meaningless (or pure?) experience. That tends to happen when people literally don't know each other. I don't think that's what's happening in your case.
All I'm saying is don't jinx a good thing by overthinking it. If you are enjoying it and you feel it is a loving gesture now, don't pick it apart or find reasons to doubt his feelings for you.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Stereotypically, men are disappointed and turned off by not having it, but only fall deep for great sex. In truth, good men, mature men get wrapped up in sex too, when it's real. Men absolutely CAN just screw and forget, but when it's loving intimacy, it affects men like it does women.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Hey! this girl aint long in the tooth! I don't think age has much to do with it. Even if she was in her late 40s I still wouldn't find this an odd question...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Aren't you a little long in the tooth for this question?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): I'm speaking for my self here,
"is it love language?" yes very much.
"Do they express love through sex?" absolutely!
"How does sex play a role in love for a man????" For me sex is love. The sexual part counts for 50% of our relationship. The other 50% consists of the other stuff what relationships are about.
"I would say that he was making love to me" Well if he is anything like me then he would very much be making love to you.
Do men get connected to us like we do them thru sex? Well I certainly do!
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