A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I'm just going to jump right in with the story. So I've been dating my on off boyfriend for 2 years and anyway he's 10 years older than me and due to stupid things he's done in the past still lives at home with his dad. The problem is his dad is pretty much a recluse the only time he leaves the house is for work and a couple of weeks ago his dad walked out of his job so he never leaves the house. Throughout our 2 year relationship he rings and texts my bf 3-4 times a day and if no answer more now he's at home it's slowly increasing and it's becoming a huge problem I understand it's his father I really do but calling 3 times on this past Valentine's Day is a bit much. His dad is pretty much obsessed rings him at work and everything I've tried to talk to him about it and get shot down as its his dad whatever but every Saturday we have to go round his house and sit with his dad not doing anything not talking just watch heavy rock on full blast while his dad and him get drunk. I don't know what to do anymore as I live away from my boyfriend at uni and it's a struggle to get any attention while I'm away as he's at work or with his dad then I go home and he's with his dad and when he's not he's constantly calling I feel like I'm in a cage. I don't know what to do or how to bring it up but it's pushing me to the point I no longer want to be with him. How do I explain this or do I not explain it and walk away? Am I overreacting and is this normal? I'm completely confused and would love some advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 I can't see this "relationship"... between you and this man-child.... having any future for YOU....
Decide, now, if the "life" you are seeing now is what you want to live for the indefinite future. If "yes," then go ahead and marry the creature... If "No" (because you have come to your senses...) then part ways now and get on with your life....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, BelleRose +, writes (19 May 2016):
I would start with explaining your feelings to your BF but be ready to walk away.
You are university, one of the best times of your life with a chance to explore yourself. It sounds like this is holding you back.
Maybe say to him that at the moment, while you love him you don't feel he can look after his Father and what you need from him. You could take a break and in a few years try again?
If you are getting really worked up, the relationship is going to struggle too. BR xx
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (19 May 2016):
 You may consider asking your bf to put boundaries on the relationship with him and his father. For example: "Honey, can you turn the phone off for valentines day? this is our night" or- ask if he would feel comfortable devoting exclusive time to you; like, make the 6-7 phone call YOUR hour that can't be disrupted by anyone unless there is a true emergency. You said you've talked about with him before and got shot down. I would DEFINITELY blow off my significant other if they told me I was "obsessed with my family" or vice versa..they are my family and what you're asking for is a fundamental change in dynamic where you really have no place to do that. I think I would focus on how you feel like his time is split when he DOES see you so it doesn't feel like he's able to devote himself to the limited time you two have together, which hurts your feelings. This might not work, and you have to think about how much you can live with this or not. What's an acceptable/unacceptable level of neglect for you?
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 Are you really going to ask him too choose between his father and you?
I think this relationship has run its course.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 It is normal for your boyfriend yes. He lives with his dad, he loves his dad, it seems his dad is very attached to him and neither of them want that to change. The thing is if you are unhappy with his situation then the best thing to probably do is leave, because I cannot see him changing anytime soon.
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