A
female
age
41-50,
*noopy8
writes:Help! 4 months ago I met a guy who was in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend. He was very open about this, but also said he was very attracted to me and after he ended things with his girlfriend we began the most amazing relationship - random people would come up to us in the street and comment on how happy we looked! I was aware that he had just come out of a previous relationship and so I made sure he was the one who instigated each development in the relationship so as not to pressure him - it was him who said he wanted things to be official between us, him who said that he loved me first, him who spoke of going on holidays together etc. Then totally out of the blue he said he wanted some space because he didn't feel ready to be in a relationship - I was totally shocked and gutted. He's said he thinks he might need weeks/months to himself with no contact and that at the end of that he wasn't sure if he'd want to be with me any more. I asked if he thought there was a chance for us in the future and he said yes, but I don't know if he was just saying what I wanted to hear.What do I do?! Do I wait for this guy when we had such a wonderful relationship? Or is he basically telling me it's over? Does he love me or was it all a lie? I know I should walk away and retain some dignity but I don't want to forever be wondering what would've happened if I'd waited for him.Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Usually guys who tell you they really like you and want to date you and also that they are dumping their girlfriend at the same time are usually players.....a man can "fake" a feeling and make you believe that you are really special when all they want is a good time for a short while.
If you had sex with him without the promise of a relationship or the behavior from him to back it up, then learn a lesson that sometimes it is best to wait on the physical part until the relationship is "solid" and not just infatuation and flirting, that can feel amazing but it isn't real love now is it?
If you want to know how much a guy really likes you, then build a relationship without sex first and if he really likes you he will be happy just to be in your company....he also may have felt the pressure to be something to you that he wasn't ready for.
I say don't hold your breath, don't wait and if he calls be truly busy with your own fabulous life. If he is a real man and ready for a real woman then he would step up to the plate....he isn't doing that, he is running and it isn't because of you, it is because of him.....he most likely needed some ego boosting after his breakup and you were it. Take care of you, OK?
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (26 October 2008):
 Having just been through this same thing I wanted to share my story with you.
I had a similar situation-though we were good friends who just embarked on dating. We had a fabulous time and had made many plans but the guy couldn't follow through. He said he had issues to work out and that he needed space. I didn't know how much space he needed and during the first month I called 2 times just to let him know I was thinking about him. Then I let him be. After 2 more months I decided that he was just telling me this to spare my feelings and that it was his way of breaking things off. So I moved on-deleted his phone number and even though I still thought of him from time to time, I realized I needed to start dating again. I was doing great. Then he called out of the blue after 7 months saying he was doing great, he missed me, he wanted to be with me and that he had waited so long to call me because he felt I would be upset.
So, we got together, had an amazing time out together-no sex yet in the relationship-we made plans for the following weekend, talked on the phone during the week and then he vanished again. This time, I didn't get an explanation except that I know he is skittish about relationships AND he has several other issues going on. I tried to call a few times but he wouldn't return my calls. That was a month and a half ago. So, now I am back to moving on. I deleted his phone number and am dating again.
Why am I telling you this? Because I think you need to move on. I spent about a year dwelling, waiting and hoping for this guy to come back. He did but he wasn't in any better position to want to be with me. Now I truly believe that if it was meant to be, he wouldn't have these reservations about being with me.
I also am angry with myself for wasting time on him and not moving on right away. I don't know if this guy of yours will be back or not but I do know that you have a choice to move forward and if I were you, I would. If he comes back to you then fine, see how you feel but keep your eyes open and make sure you take care of yourself first.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Snoopy8 +, writes (26 October 2008):
Snoopy8 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you - that makes lots of sense and I agree that I should try to move on. It's just really hard when everything's been left so up in the air and unresolved - I can't switch off from it all while there is still a hope for us to get back together! I guess it'll get easier with time... Just wish I could fast-forward the next few weeks!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 October 2008):
There is an old saying "hope for the best but expect the worst."
Hope that he comes back and wants to get back together by all means. But I think that you need to try and move on. Yes it was wonderful but the brightest flames burn for the shortest time.
If he comes back and you still have feelings for you then lucky him. If he comes back and you've moved on then it is his own stupid fault for acting in that way. If he decides to marry the girl in the chip shop and they have 15 babies in a year then you will have moved on anyway so it will be fine.
Good Luck!! xx
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