A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to do about my boyfriend and I'm really stuck!First off, I'm 15 weeks pregnant and in a strange relationship with my boyfriend. He works out of town for periods of time. He's been gone since the middle of Jan. In that time, it's been very rough. He was not happy with my decision to proceed with my pregnancy. I made the decision after he left since before he left, I was still unsure of what to do. He was clearly upset he didn't have a say in the matter, but abortion was simply too inconceivable. I couldn't bare going through with it. I held a pretty good grudge on my bf for making me feel like it was my fault for being pregnant and doing what I thought was the right thing to do. My bf slowly came around to the idea of having a child and doesn't express discontent at the idea anymore. But it was a very rough time, and I was very ill with morning sickness and stressed out. I had to quit my job as my line of work isn't safe when pregnant. That was hard.We talked about moving in together, but he wanted me to move to his hometown before the baby was born - where I don't know anyone... I was upset at first but slowly accepted this idea. Then all the talk about the future came to halt. I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said he wasn't sure. He said to wait until the end of March (when he was done work) to figure stuff out. In the meantime, it's been very stressful for me not having a slight idea about the future or even what I mean to my boyfriend. Valentines Day I called crying because I hadn't heard from him. It was 10 pm and he said he would have called before the night's end. But I'm not sure. There's nothing romantic about our relationship anymore. He doesn't say he misses me. I am afraid he will break up with me when he is back in town. All this time, I've stressed out about how to be a single mom and the thought of doing that (when I didn't really choose to me a mom in the first place) is so overwhelming, I've had panic attacks.I know I've made things difficult on him. I suffer from depression and the doctor told me to ease off my meds if I could since taking them while pregnant did add a degree of risk. But in doing this, I've had some pretty major episodes of crying and I admit, taking out my fears on my bf. I have apologized for this. I've overreacted more than a few times and made assumptions about him. I regret this. But I'm still hurting. He is only 6 hours away and every few days, will have a couple days off. He says it's too far to come see me and this is extremely hurtful. He did come for my ultrasound and I was very grateful for this. Aside from this, I know he could come for an evening if he really wanted to but he admits that he doesn't really want to make the trip since all we do is fight. Instead he goes out drinking with his partner and this hurts. It's hard not to overreact. I'm not sure what to do - wait to find out if he's going to break up with me or break up with him first? I really want to give our relationship a chance to get better. Give it shot so as not to have regrets - especially for the sake of my baby. I don't want to be a single mom, and can't picture my son/daughter growing up without a family unit. I don't want see him if he breaks up with me, but that will be hard when we share a child. Things were okay before x-mas, and I actually very happy with him. But since finding out I am pregnant, does he sound a bit selfish to you? I called him crying because I was really missing him, and he questioned why I was crying, and didn't I know when I first starting dating him that he would be gone for periods of time? It feels like he has no feelings at all some days and I'm at my rope's end. I spend many sleepless nights wondering what the future will bring, sick of waiting to find out the status of our relationship, where I will be living, where I should look for a new job, etc. Another detail is that he broke up with me around this time last year. We didn't get back together until the fall. Naturally, breaking up is on my mind. He wonders why I don't fall asleep until morning hours. To me, it seems obvious.I just don't know what to do to get more control over this situation and feel happier. I feel my life is on hold. Any insight would be very helpful. Thanks.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 I am sorry you are going through such a rough patch in your life.The storm will soon blow over but right now , you have got to hang on and batten down the hatch.
No man worth his salt would ditch his baby and g/f even though he has no say in it.He feels he is somewhat or partly responsible for it.
Try to get emotional support from friends or parents or relatives or those pregnancy help centers in you area.(Link below)
Now is the time when you know your own strength to face all those difficulties.
Take control of the situation and decide what is best for yourself.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/gethelp/pregnancysupport/canada.html
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 March 2010):
 He already broke up with you but you were still hoping things will be better after the baby is born. Men don't work like that. Do not count on the hope that the relationship would go back to where it used to be. You don't need to dump him. He already knew what he wants. Whether you say anything does not make a difference to him. You have to let go. He's assuming that because you chose to kept the baby, you should be happy with your choice, instead of arguing with him all the time. The dream of having an intact family may be unrealistic nowadays. Give up that ideal and realize how many single mothers had been in your place and are doing well. You made a good choice keeping your child. Instead of turning to him for support, talk to your parents more frequently. Find other single moms and ask for their advice. Canada is a great country and has great resources for families and for the empowerment of women, children, and minorities. There is no way you can't pull through.
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