A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently come out of a two year relationship, after my fiance found she had feelings for another man and when he returned those feelings she put me to one side and started ignoring me and leaving me alone. We did split up, however every time we have seen each other since we have said that we will be a couple again. So it has felt like we never split up. I have since found out that the bloke that she liked and her have been having a sexual relationship. But not in the usual way, only at work in the toilet, and in the local pub out back. The other guy has a girlfriend and is 13 years older than my ex, he managed to sweet talk her into having the relationship, and she enjoyed the attention. However he has since turned out to be a let down during sex, taking only a minute, and is not kind, caring or considerate in thinking of her needs. He told people in the office she was easy and now that he has quit his job and shows no more interest in my ex as he moves away; she has come back to me. We have been apart fgor 3 months only, and she has been lying to me throughout saying that nothing has happened and then I found out from her phone what had been going on. I was furious to think that she would throw the one man she loved away, for a 'school-girl' crush. And to make matters worse I do not know whether to believe that she is coming back to me because she loves me and finally realises what a mistake she made, or whether because she can't have her first choice in man, she has come back to me (i.e. 2nd best). I am a very insecure person as this has happened to me on a number of occasions in the past, and this has fuelled the fire for more of my insecurity. Now she has come back, me being the mug that I am, have already said we can give it another go, but she has said she still needs more time before we go for it again. I feel like my whole world has collapsed, and do not know whether to hold on and wait for her to return, or whether to move on and forget her? Both ways will hurt one of us, but I am really struggling to see what to do. Can anybody advise me on the situation as now I have become very depressed about this whole area and it is tearing me apart.xxx
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at work, crush, depressed, fiance, has a girlfriend, insecure, move on, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 Listen mate, she left you, she got together with another guy, lied about it to you, and when he dumped her she wants to come back to you. As harsh as it sounds, it's kinda obvious that she's just going back to you because she has nobody better to go after, and as soon as a bigger better deal comes along, she's gonna leave you again.
Don't let her walk all over you like this. True, you told her that you would like to give it another go with her, but you can always tell her you've changed your mind (just like she changed her mind about being with you in the first place).
You deserve someone better than her. Someone who will appreciate you for your dedication and love you in return. But for now, I think you may want to take a break from relationships and rebuild some of your self-confidence.
Good luck!
/dragonette
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): I really do feel for you. You may believe this or not, but at over twice your age it has taken ME this long to realise how easily it is to become a doormat.
No-one has the right to treat you the way your ex has. You are a person in your own right. My advice to you is to forget her completely and busy yourself with new pursuits that will raise your self esteem. There are a lot of fish out there, and you have a whole life ahead of you. Remenber, you are one person, but to one person you may be the world. Take your time and go and enjoy life. Best of luck.
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