A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Ex and I broke up after a year around 6 weeks ago - it was mutual and based on a breakdown in communication - we both agree we threw in the towel too early due to fears of rejection on both our parts. He contacted me 2 weeks ago we had a long conversation and decided that it we both still wanted to be with each other. We took time out to think about it and what we would do to make it work and last night spoke again.He told me that he has decided he can't be in a relationship if he is to deal with the issues in himself family/self esteem/moods etc. And he needs to be happy in himself before he can be with anyone. He told me he is trying to change himself with me in his head as his future, and he does want to be with me. He said that he thinks I might be the one, and loves me. He wanted my help through this, but doesn't want to hurt me again if he can't change. Part of him wants me to wait for him to sort himself out, part of him understands it's unfair to ask me to put my life on hold for him.I love him and I also think he is the one for me. So I am terribly torn, do I wait, offer occasional support or offer constant, loving support to him? All I want is happiness and for him to be happy, and I'll do whatever it takes to find that.Any Help would be amazing!
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male
reader, Omegahero09  +, writes (24 July 2010):
 As I am in a vaguely similar situation, I wouldn't mind help from someone like you. It's amazing that you have this between you, for I am not so lucky.
I am in agreement with Peter. Show him that you are waiting for him, and through that your love for him will show through as well. Restrain yourself if it gets too close however. Guys can get intensely weak, and they do. The process takes a long time to overcomes themselves, and if cushioned too much, they will be squishy and weak.
So give him space when appropriate. Give him a goal to work to because if his heart is in the right place, he will work to meet your standard.
A
male
reader, Peterk5699  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 He's obviously having a hard time at the moment and in big need a mutual support so without being in a relationship the best thing you can do is off support when he needs it and, if need be, offer him a shoulder to cry on.
However, it's best to not be there for him every minute of every day as I'm sure you have your own commitments. As mentioned, all you can really do is be a good friend and offer help.
Try to not get too attached as this could complicate things and the feelings would only be one way.
Hope this has help and good luck.
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