A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend wants to try anal sex with me but I just don't know about trying it. Do I let him have his way or what? and anyone that has tried it can you please explain it like what do you have to do and how does it feel?I only really care about the first question but the second would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): It's perfectly alright everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 It came across a little harsh, I apologise if it seemed that way. It was of course, ultimately your choice. I don't know why I brought it up to be quite honest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): I asked the question to get an opinion from both females and males on it, some did say try it and see how I feel about it, others said don't try it. I was given good opinions and it helped me decide. So thank you even if you don't agree with what I did
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 December 2012):
I don't totally agree with that, I for one, always prefer to get my problems off my chest and talk them over with someone, I've never been one to keep things bottled up.
I of course don't cover the entire male population, so I imagine some will go through the though process that you stated. But it just didn't make sense to me, for everybody to say don't do it if you are unsure about it, then just go for it anyway.
I'm not trying to cause friction or anything, maybe making a mountain over a molehill lol
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2012):
 N91 asked: "Why did you even bother to ask us for advice if you ignored what we all said anyway?"
Because some times women like to VENT to hear what others have to say... we don't always come to folks with problems we want solved.... sometimes we just need to talk to figure it out even if the advice we get is not what we do the advice helped up figure it out for ourselves.
It's actually a huge problem between men and women often.
Men like to FIX things and problem solve so they don't talk about problems till they are ready to get advice and fix it. they would rather stew over it and let it fester.
Women like to VENT.
so often a woman will come to her male partner wanting to vent about say a problem at work... and she vents to her partner because even though it's about work HE's the most important person to her... HE gets MAD because she doesn't want him to FIX it she just wants him to listen while she talks it out.... this alone is helping her but he can't see it because he can't fix it and he gets frustrated.
I've read about it. and I've seen it. I've learned to preface my vents with "i just need you to listen NOT fix it"
it helps.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 December 2012):
Why did you even bother to ask us for advice if you ignored what we all said anyway?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Hello,I am the one that asked the questionMe and my boyfriend tried it and I didn't feel comfortable with it and I told him. He respected it and we washed up and did what we were more comfortable with.Thank you everyone
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 December 2012):
 If it's not something that makes you go: Uh I'd like to try that!" but more of a :"That is kind of gross and scary" then be HONEST with your BF and tell him sorry I don't really want to try anal.
IF you do want to try it, make sure you have plenty of lube - make sure YOU are in charge of "entry" and make sure he understand and respects that you might say :"no this hurts I'm done trying".
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 Nah dont let him force u
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 December 2012):
If you don’t want to try it, then DON’T try it. NO MATTER how much he begs or pleads or bullies and if he does any of those… consider leaving him.
Anal sex if you are not receptive is painful… and even if you are receptive is not always the most exciting thing. In fact, it’s more exciting for the man than the woman in most cases.
Will he let you perform anal on him with a strap on? IF he says “hell no” ask him why not… if his answer is anything along the lines of “exit only” then you say to him… “Same here”…..
Now, IF you WANT to TRY anal… there are some ground rules. I learned about it properly from a long ago short term ex-boyfriend… he taught me well…
1. Both parties must be relaxed and trust each other
2. Both parties should be freshly bathed… and the receptive partner should not feel any urge to move their bowels. IF they do, an enema might help…
3. Let’s assume the receptive partner is female. After lots of good foreplay to get everyone aroused, the woman lays on the bed on her belly with a pillow under her hips… (she can have one for her head too but it’s not needed)
4. THE WOMAN IS IN CHARGE EVEN THOUGH SHE’S ON THE BOTTOM! Both the man and the woman need to have their respective areas well lubricated…. I suggest a nice silicone based lube. The man will spread her butt cheeks and press the tip of his condom encased penis against the opening of her anus. HE DOES NOT TRY TO ENTER HER…. He’s just applying a slight bit of pressure… and NOTE he MUST wear a condom even if you don’t’ wear them for vaginal sex as he can get a very nasty e.coli infection without one…. So he’s lightly pressing against you but you control it.
5. When you feel comfortable and ready you press back onto him as much as you feel comfortable doing.. he may not enter you yet… it may still be pressure… then once you feel discomfort stop… don’t pull away just STOP pushing and stay where you are. Wait there… adjust to the feeling of his penis pushing on your anus. You may not move from this position for 5 minutes or more… that’s ok Patience is the key here…. Once you feel comfortable with the amount of pressure where he is… push back a bit more… and when you get to that discomfort level… again, stop… wait… talk to each other… but do not let him be the one in control….. the woman is TOTALLY in control here… if you are comfortable again, then you push a bit more… eventually he will enter you and you wait till you feel ok, then you push back a bit more…. IF you feel PAIN… stop… withdraw and try again another day if you wish.
NOW another very IMPORTANT RULE… after anal sex there is NO oral or vaginal contact. You can get some NASTY infections if you do….
IN fact, after anal sex or any anal play, hand and genital washing with warm soapy water is a mandatory activity in our house… maybe you two want to get in the shower together again….
Again, he does not get to have his way with you… IF he wants anal and you are willing to try he has to accept totally that YOU are IN CHARGE….
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): Hi
I'm in the same situation as you. Just twenty and a boyfriend who wanted to try anal sex too.
Don't do it if you think it's gonna be disgusting or if you think it's 'wrong' to do anal. But if you're curious then I suggest you just try it. Prepare yourself (be sure to be 'empty' beforehand and lots of lubrication) as good as possible. Maybe read up on it and suggest your bf also knows how to prepare well. My boyfriend tried it first without preparing me well enough and he didn't get inside, it didn't feel comfortable and I told him to stop. He respected my boundaries. I read on the internet it helps to prepare yourself by scissoring first one, then two, maybe three fingers (lubricated) inside you. But I really didn't feel comfortable with that either. So we used a sex toy (smaller than his penis) to 'open the way' a little bit more. It worked! We were laying on our side because that felt most comfortable at the time and he could penetrate me. Relax! Relax! Relax! That's the keyword and be sure he's not to eager but he really has to be patient. Once in, just let him stay there for a while, to get used to the feeling. Then he can move a little, but slow and soft. You'll feel if you're up to harder and if he can pull out more or not. Every person is different. If you have a lot of pain, then stop immediately! If you just feel a little sting of being stretched, have a little patience. You're an anal virgin and first times hurt a little. The first time hurt, the second time went better and I really enjoyed it since. We don't even have to use the sex toy anymore because I can relax enough now the taboo's gone. Hope I could help you. Have fun!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 December 2012):
You do only what you're comfortable to do. He should respect your boundaries and not pressure you into anything that you don't want to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): Should you let him have his way? Um, hell no. It's a mutual thing and you should not do it just because he wants to. If you feel like you want to try it, that is your choice. And if you don't, that's okay too.It took us over a year to figure it out, on and off trying. I wanted to but I was nervous so it made me tense, which caused pain, which made me stop immediately. Finally it was just one of those times, we were both very aroused and it just worked, and after the shock of it working, I actually liked it.Now, personally, I prefer being prepped for this, it's not something to do on a full stomach or if you need to empty your bowels, seriously.I would suggest using a condom. And once his penis has entered your anus, there is no going back into the vagina...that is asking for trouble with infections. No matter how clean you are or how "cleaned out" you are, there is still fecal matter even if it's not noticable. He needs to go wash right away. Make sure your boyfriend is not trying to reinact what he's seen in a porn because it's not the same thing at all.You need plenty of lube, and I mean plenty. You need to be completely relaxed and you are totally in control for this one. Entry needs to be slow and if there is any pain whatsoever, stop. If he forces himself you could tear. You need to tell him and guide him if necessary and he needs to pay attention and listen to you. Yes, there will be pressure at first and it will feel quite strange, but after some friction that changes and it will either be enjoyable or not. If you are not comfortable, or again, in any pain, or simply can't stand it, stop. Do not continue, it's not worth it.If you do it right, and take your time, it's a whole other world and you can enjoy in many positions and both get real pleasure from it. But it's not for everyone.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (26 December 2012):
No, you don't "let him have his way" , it already sounds like you are far than sure about this, and I dont blame you. Some people do seem to have an errogenous zone in there somewhere but I never found it! Remember to have an enema first.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (26 December 2012):
 If you don't want to do it, tell your boyfriend that. If he respects you, he'll back off. Don't do anything you're not happy with. If he pressures you, ask him how he'd like it if you stuck a carrot up his arse.
I don't know the technicalities because it doesn't appeal to me in the slightest, but I would just like to state the obvious: the anus is not designed for sex. It doesn't self lubricate, the tissues there are very fine and more prone to tears and you really don't want a tear down there, believe me. It is also an area full of germs so he can't go from your anus straight to your vagina or your mouth (no matter what he/ you may have seen on porn). He must wear a condom, again because the area is full of germs.
You're more likely to pass on STDs by anal sex versus vaginal, another reason why condoms are necessary,
I once asked a gay friend what it feels like and he said it feels like needing to do a number two. Not very enticing!!
Hopefully other aunts can advice about lubricants, positions etc if you do decide it's something you're happy to try.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): Of course leave it up to a guy to ask that question.It's so typical so dont worry your about it. Most men on average will tell you to at least try it so lets me honest here you probably will give in why because they will persuade you and the fact that your curious will give you enough confidence to try it . well at least that is what happened to me ive tried it and im not a fan many girls say it takes several tries to get used to it but from my experience no it won't so i just tell my husband "i'll go if you go " and he backs out lol.What i can tell you is it hurts a lot it feels really uncomfortable and if its your first time you may cry there could be some bleeding but thats only if its too rough so i recommend for you to use alot of lube try foreplay first and when ur aroused enough and relaxed enough down south then have him slip it in but tell him to go slow and if you feel any pain coming on tryin rubbing your lady bits and if it gets to still be too much just tell him to stop .i hope that helps =)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 " Letr him have his way " ? What are you , the heroin of an Harlequin novel ?
Girl, sexually you only do what you want and desire to do when you want to do it. If you don't feel like doing it yet, or at all, if you have doubts or hesitations , if the idea does not excite you, it's off the table and don't let him pester you about it.
I will leave the technicalities of the 2nd question for other Aunts, but let me just say that anal sex is not something that appeals to most women - so if it does not come from your own wish or need or fantasy, I doubt you'll find it enjoyable.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 December 2012):
Why not try it? People do it because they like it, so you should try it a couple of times; if you don't get into it you don't need to feel obligated to do it. It's one of those things that are nice but not critical to most men.
I don't find it to be anything special, but your vagina will be free to do other things with. Mostly the appeal lies in the taboo nature I'd guess.
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