A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met a man on line years ago. We spoke for a long time months before we finally met. Our first meeting we kissed and that's when I knew he had me. We spoke later on that day and agreed that we definitely should get together again. Every time we planned it, it never happened because of him. He has custody of his two children and we are about 1 hour away from each other. Finally six months later we met again. Another kiss and we made love. He left, we agreed that we had chemistry and that we wanted to continue seeing each other. Two days later he blocks my e-mail. I tried calling him on the phone, no answer. I do have his home number, he's not married. I couldn't get him out of my head so I keep trying to reach him. Finally I see him on line again and I ask him where he was and he says taking a break from life. I asked him why he blocked me and he says not sure he did. Well anyway, we talk and I still feel for him. He unblocks me and we e-mail again. I see him again about 10 months later. Again great chemistry. He leaves again and you guessed it, I'm blocked again. It's crazy. I can't believe it because when we are together, we laugh, we talk and it feels really good and he says so too. I didn't speak to him for months after this. I ask him if he wants to see me again and he says yes. He keeps telling me soon. Finally about 2 weeks ago after a year and a half of not seeing each other he comes over. That morning he tells me he can't stay long because his son has a basketball game and he has to go. So he's already telling me that we won't be together for so long. He comes over and it's an amazing feeling. We fall right into each other's arms as if we just left each other the night before. It's totally crazy. He tells me he feels badly that he can't spend more time with me and that's why he doesn't see me. I told him I didn't care how much time we spend as long as it's something for now. He tells me, his kids will be going away with their mom, but he doesn't know when, probably when school closes and then we can have more time. I'm not really sure why he's telling me all this. I don't know what to believe any more with him. Is it lust, I don't think so because it's not like I haven't had other dates with other men and had plenty of opportunity for sex too. I don't know what it is, but I want that man. So he leaves me, he gets home and I see him on line we both agree that it was a great morning and he has to go. I write him an email telling him that it felt great to see him and hopefully next time will be greater. The next day he responded and agreed. Well later on that week I sent him another email, he deletes it. I thought it was a mistake because I'm not blocked, so I sent it again. Once again I'm deleted. Why does he do this? Is he scared? Also he's not on my buddy list anymore or on anyone of the other sites that he's normally on. Kind of weird huh. Help I need answers, I'm going out of my mind? Don't tell me to ask him, I can't, he won't answer. Do I think he'll be back, absolutely.
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (7 May 2009):
 Why waste another second of your time on this guy. Meet someone new. Life is too short to be treated like crap. I don;t think he is commitment phobic at all. He just really sees you as an someone who fills his emotional needs, and then when you have served your purpose, he then turns you off until he needs you to fill some void in his life.
And believe me its not just men that do this. Women are very adept at pulling this crap,just as much as men. This site is littered with these type of questions,
But whatever you do...run from this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk you are making a lot of valid points here. I understand totally. You know what if this guy is really the jerk that you think he is, that's fine, his lose, not mine. The part that pisses me off is why don't men just tell you what they really think. As far as woman going up to a man and asking him out, I think alot more do that today than they did years ago. Not that it makes a difference, but I have been the agressor in the situation I am in this situation. I just about begged him to come see me. And he finally did and where is he now. He is really either not into me at all or he's really commitment phobic which I think is really the case. I feel sorry for him, but I do realize, this will never be any kind of relationship. Maybe if I really want I can take him on as a lover once a year. Kind of like the movie -- Same Time Next Year.
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 May 2009):
I sure hope so. I am so sorry that you are in this position. I know that we always seem to feel like we need something good to grasp, so that the bad stuff(or what we perceive as the bad stuff) either doesent affect us as much or that we don't think about it.
It is not as simple as a "head in the sand" mentality as people would refer to it as. You are simply in the process of exhausting your emotional resources, and are most likely overwhelmed. Its perfectly natural and no one can fault you for it.
I think by your last reply that you are maybe coming to some realizations about the future of the relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI got the point, and you're probably right. But like the man below said sometimes your head just has to catch up with your heart. And I never met his children but I did speak to them on the telephone. And I did ask him if he was married or in a relationship and his answer was no. I guess I shouldn't expect the truth here either. I do hope my heart catches up with my head real soon.
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 May 2009):
Wow, this is quite the conundrum.The way I see it, The poster far below me who had the LDR work out for them is a rare exception(congrats btw), for I would venture to guess that 99 percent of them dont. They certainly didn't in my case.At any rate, back to you.I guess it sometimes takes the heart a little longer to catch up with the head. This guy is playing you for sure. Between deleting your emails and blocking you, there was a reason...perhaps someone else.You say you know he isn't married. Ever met his child or been to his place?You don't get blocked or deleted unless you have served your purpose for a time. Just like in a soap opera, he figures he can bring you back for a command performance, or remove you from the script at the time of his choosing.Sorry if you feel it harsh, but I sugarcoat nothing.You are willingly playing his game.If he is so good looking, I'm sure you aren't the only one he's having sex with.His disrespect of you by blocking you and deleting your emails clearly states that her only wants you at certain points, and thats no way to live.Please do yourself a favor and find someone who will love you and respect you. It's obvious this guy wont. Another second spent thinking about this relationship blossoming is another second wasted. You owe it to yourself not to be fooled with any longer.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I guess I need to clarify again, I slept with him 3 times not once. I do appreciate all the feedback but in the end it's going to be me that is going to make the final decisions because I have that power. It's just pretty confusing.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): You are making this more complicated than it is by building things up in your head that don't really mesh with the reality of the situation. It's pretty simple really.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, I got alot of advice here. Thank you all. I am still so very confused. It's very easy for someone to tell me I should move on and get a life and maybe that is what I should do. It's so very difficult though when your heart is involved. I don't know what I'm doing, except I haven't heard from him yet. And to clarify things, he did not block my e-mail this time, he has deleted a few of my e-mails though. And the last one I sent, it was just to say hi and where are you? was not read yet. I still don't know what I'm doing. Life was supposed to get less complicated at my age not more so. And to the reader who suggested I tell him how I feel, I did when he was here. I told him I really cared about him and if he could only see me for a little while for now, that would be ok. I told him what bothered me not that he didn't have alot of time, but that when he saw me he blocked me. He didn't really say anything about this?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): lol what you need to do is talk to him and tell him how you feel, send a link to him to this question and tell him that it worrys you about whats going on with you and him, and that you want to be with him but his actions are worrying you and you need some sort of closure of about whats goin on.. thats the only thing you can do, because this will just keep going on and on and on and its not a healthy relationship to be in.. regards j
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): check out "dating without drama" stop persuing him, let him persue you. take him off your speed dial and lists (Not block him) just make it harder for you to persue him in a weak moment, but he can still persue you. Get a life, there are a lot of guys out there to have chemistry with, and this one does not appreciate you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input. I appreciate all you have to say. But I really don't think it was all about sex for him or me either. You see, I was the aggressor here. I just about begged him to come see me. And believe me he I'm sure has plenty of opportunity for sex where he lives. He is a very very good looking man. And I have had plenty of opportunity for sex also, we certainly do need each other for that. It's one of those things, that you just had to be there. It's kind of hard for me to explain it. And I could be totally wrong about everything, that's why it's so confusing, but it was just about a booty call.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Male reader underneath, well said. However not every man and or situation is the same. I have been through a long distance relationship where i was acting the same way this man did.. Not because of booty call but because i was affraid of getting hurt.. everytime i would meet up with my long distance girl i would suddenly back off and block her emails msn etc due to the fact that, i was simply scared. I would get to emotionaly close and would feel that any minute she would leave me or find another guy and i would get heartbroken.. so my gut instict would tell me to back off and flee the situation.. untill all the emotional dust settled and my worrys would "disapate" i would then contact her again or be willing to meet up again, then the cycle happens again, and thus i would get scared and be scared of getting to emotionaly attatched to my Significant other and thus be hurt in the long run.
What you need to do is to tell this guy that you are there for him till the end, and that he is the one, and the only one you want to be with, because that will reasure him for something stable and knowing he has a future with you wont cause this visious cycle. Thats how i see it because thats what iv been through, i am happily married with my long distance girl now living togather after four years LDR of basicaly the same thing you are going through. Just dont gigve up...
goodluck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Male reader underneath, well said. However not every man and or situation is the same. I have been through a long distance relationship where i was acting the same way this man did.. Not because of booty call but because i was affraid of getting hurt.. everytime i would meet up with my long distance girl i would suddenly back off and block her emails msn etc due to the fact that, i was simply scared. I would get to emotionaly close and would feel that any minute she would leave me or find another guy and i would get heartbroken.. so my gut instict would tell me to back off and flee the situation.. untill all the emotional dust settled and my worrys would "disapate" i would then contact her again or be willing to meet up again, then the cycle happens again, and thus i would get scared and be scared of getting to emotionaly attatched to my Significant other and thus be hurt in the long run.
What you need to do is to tell this guy that you are there for him till the end, and that he is the one, and the only one you want to be with, because that will reasure him for something stable and knowing he has a future with you wont cause this visious cycle. Thats how i see it because thats what iv been through, i am happily married with my long distance girl now living togather after four years LDR of basicaly the same thing you are going through. Just dont gigve up...
goodluck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes that's all I'm looking for is the truth. He sends mixed signals, when I'm with him, very attentive and loving. Talks about how much chemistry we have and how he wishes we were closer. Then when he leaves, I don't hear from him for months. So yes I want the truth no matter how much it hurts. I would rather he tell me to go away. Yeah it would hurt, but I'd have a definite answer. Thanks
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to ask the male reader who says he's just not that into me. I thought about that and I'm not saying it's not a possibility. But why does he always reappear again. And why did he travel three hours to be with me for a very short time? Doesn't make sense?
...............................
|
