A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Well, not sure how to start but .... there's this girl that likes my boyfriend and everybody knows it, she doesn't keep it quiet. Last night when i was at my boyfriend's house I saw two texts on his phone while he went to the bathroom. I checked his phone because he's been sneeky, a little bit. And, for my surprise there they were, it said nothing bad, but still. One sounds like she texts him everynight, "are you in bed again?" and there was another one, nothing that would tell me something is going on, that's why i didn't feel like telling him right away.What do you do when this happens? Should I had told him right there and there? or do I wait until I have better proof ....
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Hi,Don't call her.... This girl have no class and she's going to be rude to you, don't give her the pleasure to hurt you. Anyways, let's not assume anything, because you don't know for sure. If you accuse your boyfriend without any proof, will only make him mad, you guys will fight, and you might damage a good relationship, and push him away.For now, since you know they have been contacting each other, just ask him, on a calm matter, if they are talking? If they are friends? If they talk daily? Ask him if she has made any moves on him, flirting?Let's see how he responds. If he's defensive, getting angry is not a good sign. Let him know that you know this girl have feelings for him, so you would prefer if they keep professional. Your boyfriend knows this woman have feelings for him, and by replying to her texts, calls, he's allowing her to continue to develop her feelings and giving her hope. Don't get mad, don't accuse him, give him a chance go explain to you. Just be aware. I hope your boyfriend understands you, and you both can solve this soon. I really hate woman that have no class, selfish, rude... Don't let your guards down yet. Good luck, let's us know how you are doing
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sure he's writing back, not as much when he's with me. But he reads one text and I see him respond and voluntarily he tells me "is this bank account app on my phone, it tells me every transaction that I do thru text." But when i had the chance, I clicked on his phone (locked by the way) and I can still see the phone number and the first few letters of the text. Not sure what to do at this point. Do you think I should wait until he gets another text and ask him to show it to me at that moment? or should I call the girl and ask her what's going on? what do you think?
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (13 September 2011):
Oh. If he is checking your FB then yes ask to see his. If he says no then you need to tell him he can no longer check yours and I'd seriously consider if you want to stay with him. He's being shady. Call him out on it in a calm way and see what kind of agreement you can come to.
Even though she's in another country, he should not be IMing her all day and texting if he is truly committed to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): Sorry to say this but this guy isn't being Free, honest and open with you. That's exactly how my wife ended up cheating on me. Confront him and ask why he keeps his facebook to himself yet checks every stuff of yours! You need to act before its too late. No one shd stop u from confronting him. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Hugh, i understand what you saying on snooping but I didn't do this for a long time until i noticed he was acting funny. Oh, by the way, they work together but in different country's, and she im's him as often as she can. He told me this. He said, oh yeah, I talk to her all day (work related) and one time, he mentioned, that she asked him to go meet her at the FL Keys for vacation. That's when I started to wonder.Anyways, one example of him being sneaky. One time I asked him to let me see his facebook and he said "no, I hate facebook" and shut down the laptop right there. I also know that this girl posts messages about him, like "i miss you", then she puts his last name as her facebook main foto, then she put his initials in her AIM and added the words "give me a little bit of love, that I can take care of the rest". And many many many more posts. All this has gotten me a little bit upset and wondering if he's responding to her. We all have the same AIM buddy list. And I also know for a fact that she sends him love notes in facebook and I don't know what he is doing with all this. I am going to ask him again to show me his facebook and text messages..... By the way, he always checks my texts and my facebook and is always asking if I'm still in contact with my old boyfriend. So he sees all my stuff and I think he should let me see his too.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (12 September 2011):
It is your boyfriends responsibilty to tell the girl to stop texting him. He needs to make it clear he is with you. Is he engaging her back? Writing back?
The site says you are 41-50.. Is he? Because he should know better at his age that any contact with a girl that makes it very clear she wants him is disrespectful to you.
I would not bring up that you checked his phone just yet (bc he'll be mad about you invading his privacy). Talk aboub it with him in terms of the bigger picture. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (12 September 2011):
Hi,Did you know he was friends with this girl and they communicate with each other? If, he has told you that they are friends, then don't accuse him of anything yet. I will suggest to talk to him, wait for the right time, when he's in a good mood. When you approach him, talk to him nicely, ask him if he's talking to this girl daily? How close they are? If he's aware that this girl have feelings for him? Tell him you don't feel comfortable with him being friends because you know her intensions, and that you will prefer if he doesn't continue talking to her. I will assume he knows her intensions towards him, and by communicating with her, he's allowing her to continue her feelings, giving her hope. Why would she ask him if he's in bed?I don't want to upset you, but you have the right to know, ask questions, and to feel this way. I don't blame you this girl bothers you. I hope he would talk to you and explain everything, and hope you can work this out. If he really loves you, he will understand you, respect your feelings and stop talking to this girl. Also, this girl have no class, selfish, for being so aggressive knowing you are both together. I really dislike these kind of people. Good luck, wish you the best
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Do you open his letters, too?You have committed a breach of trust by snooping and should apologise to him immediately and refrain from doing it again.
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